This Master Index covers thousands of topics found in every Real Love book, the 500 Daily Coaching Videos and all the blogs on the Membership site.

Note that all the page numbers for the books refer to the hard copies of the book but not to location numbers in Kindle books.

In this index you can find Real Love answers to all your questions—it's like having your own personal coach 24/7.

How can you use it? Let’s look at a couple of examples:

Example One:
You want to tell the truth about yourself to your spouse. You want to change the direction of your marriage and create genuine, intimate, and lasting connections between you. How do you start? What can you say? Let’s look at the index:

Click on the T and then go to Truth Telling, and you’ll discover a great many sub-headings, like “about ourselves,” “about your spouse,” “about our mistakes,” and more.

Or click on M and go to Marriage, truth telling in

Example Two:
Your child is being irresponsible, or angry, or whatever. What can you do? Click on the P and go to Parenting, and you’ll discover a great many sub-headings that will get your interest, like “teaching children about choice,” and more.

Please remember that you must be logged in as a member to use the hyperlinks.

1-9 A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W XYZ

Gambling, addiction to, B10Mar17
Game, life not, B13Apr18
Game theory, B11Sep17
Gandhi, RL158, RLV 202
Garage, story of cleaning, RL57-8
Garbage:
our Imitation Love and Getting and Protecting Behaviors like, RLWM 113-14, RLWM 272
story about carrying, RLWM 113-14
Garden:
building, B03Aug16
destroying, B03Aug16
Gardening novice metaphor, raising children, DC8
Gas, like love, B18Apr16
Gas gauge, B25Mar11
Gasoline, throwing on fire, DC282
Gays, responding to, DC442-443, B28Nov12
General Motors, RLW 3
Generals, produced by wars, B21Jul17
Generations, required to learn some things, B29Oct12
Genetics, role of in behavior, RLWM 83-4, PCSD 47-8, PCSD 69, PCSD 306
Germs, good, B06Apr11
“Get over it,” past, can’t, RLWM 258
Getting and Protecting Behaviors:
addressing early, B03Jul12
against the ways of God, BWB150-1
all poisonous, BWB159
alone with, RLWM 79
as we lose, we become reborn, BWB190-1
avoid, B28Apr17
avoid all, BWB131
avoid in every interaction with children, RLP160
avoiding, B12Dec 11
become comfortable with them, BWB189
Biblical description of, BWB150, BWB154, BWB157, BWB 300-2
blind to, B04Nov11
brief effect of, RL28
burden we carry, B02Dec15
can’t feel Real Love when using, RL 24-5, RLV 30-1
can’t stop those of others, BWB169
cause loneliness, RL44-6
cause more Getting and Protecting Behaviors, DC24, DC26, DC39, DC81-82-83, DC120-121-122-123, B22Jul11, B23Mar12, B24Aug12, B06Oct14, RLP126, RLP194, RLD43-4, RLW 101, RLW 249-51, RLW 267, EWB139-41, EWB141-43, BWB153-4, BWB405-6
cause more getting and protecting from others, PCSD 170-71, RLV 53
cause the emptiness and pain they’re designed to avoid, RLV 30-1, RLW 100-101
cause the feelings we’re trying to avoid, BWB156
caused by emptiness and fear, B04Jun07, B13Feb09, RL24, RL71-2, RLM 30-1, RLV 19, RLV 53
caused by lack of Real Love for lifetime, RL24, RL71-2, RLM 16-17, RLM 30-1, PCSD 17-18, PCSD 85-6, PCSD 146-68, PCSD 258-9, PCSD 277-9, RLV 19
causes PCSD, PCSD 170-71
children’s use of, DC8
choice, RLP89-90, RLW 108-9
choosing, PCSD 174-7, B23Feb15
combinations, DC71
common, RLWM 197-200
communicate our pain, B21May08
comparing severity of, DC384
competition of, RLV 46-9
confusion, B07Aug12
conflicts only worse with, BWB244
consequences of, RLP52-3, RLV 29-31, RLW 85-8
contrasted with the fruits of the Spirit, BWB157
costs of, RL28-9, RL44-6
cotton candy and, B13Jul09
cycle of, PCSD 171-3
decrease profits, RLW 99, RLW 102
defined, RLM 16-23, RLD27-8
destructive to you, RLM 24-5
destructive to your partner, RLM 23-4
distract us from finding Real Love, RL111-12
don’t see because accustomed to, B04Nov11
drive other people away, BWB 156
drive out Real Love, B27May11
earning Imitation Love with, RLWM 155
effect, RLM 23-5
effect greater short-term than love, RL32-3
effect on relationships, RLD44
effects in workplace, RLW 85-8, RLW 98-102
effects of, PCSD 169-70, PCSD 170-73
effects on various relationships in workplace, RLW 87
effects, negative, RLD43-4, EWB141-43, EWB385, BWB 150-1, BWB154-5,BWB157-60, BWB300-2
eliminating by making a choice, RLP90, RLP122-3
eliminating by seeing others clearly, RLP89, RLV 32-4, RLW 92-4
eliminating by understanding drowning metaphor, PCSD 277-9, RLV 32-4
eliminating by understanding Getting and Protecting Behaviors, PCSD 277-9, RLV 32-4, RLW 92-4
eliminating completely, B09Feb15
eliminating diligently important, B06Jun14
eliminating with Real Love, DC380, RL112, RL117-20, RL210, RLM 52-3, RLP90, RLP93, RLP97-8, RLP120, RLD45-50, RLWM 203, RLWM 226, PCSD 271-2, RLV 35-6, RLV 87-90, RLW 110, RLW 111-12, RLW 138-40, EWB153-5, EWB185-7, EWB301, BWB 169-70, BWB184-5, BWB186, BWB221
eliminating with Real Love, examples, EWB301, EWB291-2, BWB210-11
eliminating with seeing clearly, RL15-17, RL117-20, RL218-19
eliminating with synergism of choice and Real Love, RLP122-3
eliminating with understanding, RLM 31-9, RLD45-50, EWB145, EWB184, BWB170, BWB219
eliminating with understanding, see Getting and Protecting Behaviors, understanding
evidence of not having Real Love, RLP 97
evidence of unhappiness, RLP 38
evidence that love is not Real, RL47
evidence that we have not been sufficiently loved, RLW 118
examples, DC39, B04Jun07, RL31-2, RL35-6, RL44-5, RL75, RL81, RL113, RL232-4, RLP 51, RLWM 197-200, PCSD 146-68, RLV 46-9, BWB 145-6, BWB147-8, BWB152, BWB253-4
examples of in Bible, BWB28, BWB99
examples of mixed forms, EWB131-5, EWB 217-23
exchange of, RLD 44, RLW 83-7, BWB145-8, BWB153-4
exchanging, DC71, DC72, DC392, RLP 194
explain the “bad” behaviors people use, RLM 31-33, RLM 40, RLM 181
Field of Death and, RLV 45-6, RLW 87
founded on victimhood, RLV 86-94
frequency of, PCSD 364-5
frustration of, BWB150-1
futility of, B08Feb13, RLV 44-5
giving up, RL111-16
giving up, rewards for, BWB309
giving up a choice, RLP119-20, RLW 160-62
giving up allows us to realize who we really are, BWB189-91
giving up and being reborn, BWB189-91
giving up can be hard, EWB153-5
God’s views on, BWB154-5
greatest destructive force in business, RLW 88, RLW 99-102
greatest obstacles in our interactions and relationships, RLV 29-30, RLW 86-7
how we respond to without enough Real Love, RLW 249-51
helping children see in others, RLP213-4, RLP300-1
identify early, B28Nov16
identifying in conflict resolution, RLWM 238-9
“I don’t love you” the message of, DC384, RLV 29, RLW 85-6, EWB135-7, EWB141-3, BWB151-2, BWB279
“I need to be loved” the message of, EWB137-9, BWB153-4
insanity, temporary, RLM 137
introduction to, RLW 61-2
irony of using, DC336, RLD43, RLV 30-31, RLW 101-2, BWB156
lack of Real Love not an excuse for, RL39-40
learned in childhood, RL31-2, RLV 98-100, EWB129-31
learned by parent’s example, DC8
learning, DC379, DC383
listed, RLP38, PCSD 146-68
longer straw from, B08Feb13
lose need for with Real Love, DC320, DC380, RL112, RL117, RLW 138-40
lost in, B07Aug12
loud compared to Real Love, B27May11
make children feel unloved, RLP210-11
make feeling Real Love impossible, BWB74, BWB124, BWB142
make feeling things of the Spirit impossible, BWB229-30
make Real Love impossible, DC4, B13Dec06, B06Jun14, RL28-9, RL44-6, RL51-2, RL113-4, RL177, RLP52, RLD33-5, RLD43-4, RLWM 154-6, RLWM 176, RLWM 267, PCSD 170-71, RLV 53, RLW 85-8, RLW160-62, EWB65-7, EWB111, EWB125
make us feel good, like cotton candy, B13Jul09
make us more unhappy, B11Apr18
meaning of, “I don’t love you and “Please love me,” RLP194
messages of, two, PCSD 169-70
metaphors for, EWB383-5
more difficult than Real Love, B08Sep07, B05Feb08
more work than truth telling, BWB 260-1
moving from one to another, RLV 92-3, RLV 97-100
must eliminate roots before they disappear, RL39
must identify, or we’re doomed to repeat, BWB96
natural, B10Dec07
need only to see them and tell truth about them, EWB144
negative consequences of, RLV 29-30
no criticism of, BWB163
obstacle to feeling loved, RLP119-20
only choices we can see without Real Love, BWB187
pattern of, typical, RLW 85-6
patterns in ones we use, EWB127-9, BWB145-6
patterns of, RLV 97-100
parents use with children, RLP85-9
power from understanding, RLD44, RLD45-50
preventing, RLP240-55
protection of, B20Mar15
proving the failure of, RL44-6
reaction to emptiness and fear, RLP38, BWB 189-91
reactions to lack of Real Love, RLWM 197
reactions to past events, RLWM 72-6
reaction to lifetime of insufficient Real Love, not specific action by partner, RLM 23-4
reasons we use, DC4, RL27-9
re-birth is giving up, BWB 189-91
respond to with controlling or avoidance, RLW 250-52
respond to with Getting and Protecting Behaviors of our own if we’re empty, RLW 249-51
responding to, DC39, B04Jun07
responding to correctly, RLP196-255
responding to incorrectly with more Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLP193-4
responding to, many tools for, B08Feb11
responding to with Real Love, RLW 251-3
response to, B20Mar15
response to lifetime of influences, not to event in the moment, RLD204, EWB383-5
response to emptiness and fear, RLV 53
rewards of, PCSD 168
seduction of, B07Aug12
self-control and, see Self-control
selfish, RLWM 238-9
selfishness of, RLV 29-30, RLW 85-8, EWB135-7, BWB151-2
sequence of, typical, RLW 85-6
signs of fear, DC39
sins, BWB159-61
some must stop before others, B10Oct12
sprout like weeds, B10Dec07, B13Jul09, B06Jun14
superficial solutions to pain, PCSD 167
test for in yourself, RLW 94-5
trading, effect of RLM 62-4
trap us, B22Jul11, B12Dec 11
taught, RLWM 171-3
treat symptoms, not real problem, RL111-12
two messages in, EWB137-9, EWB386, BWB 153-4, BWB406
unconscious, DC379
unconscious mostly, RLW 109-10
understanding can eliminate fear, RL29-30
understanding gives us ability to avoid repeating them, RLW 92
understanding gives us ability to eliminate them, RLW 92-4
understanding gives us ability to understand almost all human behavior, RLW 89-91
understanding gives us ability to understand great leadership, RLW 94-6
understanding gives us ability to understand interactions and relationships, RLW 89-91
understanding gives us ability to understand why people unhappy at work, RLW 91-2
understanding gives us power, EWB131-7, BWB172-3
understanding gives us power to change them, EWB143-51, EWB175, BWB147-9, BWB156, BWB163-4, BWB181
understanding gives us power to understand others, EWB131-7, EWB175, BWB147-51
understanding gives us power to understand relationships, EWB135-7, BWB147-9, BWB151-2, BWB153-5, BWB172-3
understanding, not criticizing, DC39
understanding not enough when we’re drowning ourselves, EWB184, BWB 169-70, BWB209, BWB 219-20
understanding of changes the way we feel toward people, RLM 31-6
understanding eliminates anger, RLM 31-6, RLM 181
understanding eliminates frustration of trying to change others, RLM 40-5
understanding eliminates guilt, RLM 39-40
understanding eliminates mystery of human behavior, RLM 30-31
understanding helps us identify what we need to change about ourselves, RLM 45-6
understanding, power of, RLP 54-6, PCSD 173, RLW 88-96
understanding that sins are gives us power, BWB160-1
understanding that sins are gives us power to understand why God has given commandments, BWB161-3
understanding that sins are gives us power to respond productively to the sins of others that affect us, BWB171-8
understanding that sins are gives us power to understand repentance better, BWB182-5
use because they work, RLWM 173
use the ones we learned, RLWM 173
use to avoid disappointment and anger, RL24-5
used to communicate our pain instead of words, B21May08
violate the Laws of Happiness, BWB343
we become comfortable with them, BWB189
we resist people pointing them out to us, B26Nov07
why we keep using, RL27-30, RL68, RLM 26-8, RLD43
why children choose one over another, RLP53-4
without, realizing who we really are, EWB153-5
without, we can realize who we really are, BWB 189-91
work required to eliminate, B10Dec07, B06Oct14
wrong, RLM 25-6
Getting what you want:
together with your partner, RLWM 239-43
Gift:
choice, not result of pressure, RLWM 245
conditional, DC205, B27Oct06
freely given, DC410
look for, B14Jan14
only if freely given, RLWM 69
re-creating, DC245
real, DC244-245
real, ruining, DC245
unconditional, DC410, B22May12
vs. trading, RLWM 69, RLWM 245
Gifts:
finding, B10Feb17
losing, B15Jul16, B19Feb18
obligation and, RL186-7
ours make us unique, B15Jul16, B19Feb18
true, possible in absence of expectations, RL182-3
using, B15Jul16, B19Feb18
Girard, Joe, RLW 20
Giving up, RLWM 168-9, RLWM 273
Glaciers, effects of, B26Jun15
Glass, broken, B28Dec11
Gliders, and Imitation Love, B15Jun15
Glory, movie, B05Apr17
Glow worms, B05Aug12
Go away, love does not, B11Sep15
Goals:
properly set for myself not others, B18Dec15
wrong ones make us miserable, B29Apr08
God:
anger of, BWB134-6
faith in, BWB 269-72
father, ours, BWB 161, BWB 269-71
father word associated with, BWB 4, BWB 161
goal to train us, B29Apr15
goals for us, BWB 161-3
infinite source of love, B11Nov16
is love, BWB 109
knowledge of important, B22Aug16
Law of Choice and, BWB 319-24
love by loving one another, BWB 320, BWB 373-5
love of, can’t feel while we’re trying to earn Imitation Love, BWB 74-5, BWB 271
love of, compared to living waters, BWB 4-5
love of, compared to ocean of water, BWB 4
love of, feel better when we keep His commandments, BWB 271
love of, feel better when we tell the truth about ourselves, BWB 271
love of, feeling easier when we have felt love of other people, BWB 4-5, BWB 272, BWB 380
love of, fruit of Spirit, BWB 229-30
love of, greater than that which we have for our children, BWB 161, BWB 270-1
love of, how we can feel better, BWB 269-72
love of, remembering can eliminate our anger, BWB 379-81
love of, vast, BWB 271, BWB 380-1
love word associated with, BWB 3-4
loving Him, BWB 373-5
loving Him, how, BWB 320, BWB 374-5
need for in order to grow, B11Nov16
perspective of changed by trauma, PCSD 34-5
primary purpose our happiness, BWB 320-1
punishment of, see consequences, God’s
purpose of Real Love to bring people to, BWB 3, RL225-6
test to know Him, BWB 272
trains us rather than giving comfort, B29Apr15
why He allows affliction, tragedy, the like, BWB 319-24, BWB 324-5
why limited discussion about in most Real Love material, BWB 2-3
why people often have difficult relationship with, BWB 3-4
God’s rest, BWB231
God’s way, easier than man’s way, BWB230-1
Gold:
finding, B04Dec17
help required to find, B16Jun17
mining, B16Jun17
Gold mine, RLD111
Golf swing, learning compared to learning to love, DC378-379-380
Good:
happiness, B02May16
innate tendency to do, DC329
Google, RLW 215
Goose, picking up, B18Apr11
Gordian Knot, B07May07
Gossip:
cause of, DC39, DC203
controlling, B30Dec15
forbidding not a reasonable goal, RLW 262-3
form of attacking, RLW262-3
increased with conflict, RLW 7
like tar, B30Dec15
power from, RLW 48
responding to, DC39-40, DC55-56, DC203-204, DC257-258-259, DC450-451-452
talking to object of, RLW 263
talking to originator of, RLW263-5
GPS navigation device:
metaphor of, B21Nov06, RLW214
useless if destination input wrong, B04Mar11
Grades:
examples of responding to poorly, RLP113, RLP142-3
examples of responding to wisely, RLP144, RLP247
inflated, entitlement a cause, B25May16
Grain elevator, B13Mar17
Grand Canyon, PCSD 9-11
Grandchildren:
grandparents relationship to, RLP413-4
needs of, RLP413-4
Grandin, Temple, B29Jul11, B16Sep16
Grandpa, my, B05May14
Grandparents:
giving advice to parents, DC487-488
loving and teaching others, DC487-488
Grasses, planting, B10Jul15
Gratitude:
benefits of, B01May17
better than criticism, B23Oct17
better than pointing out mistakes, B03Jul18
blessings of, B14Jan08, B25Feb11, B03Sep14
can’t be forced, B25Feb11
can’t be when drowning, metaphor, DC98
can’t teach by ordering it, RLP79-81, RLP249
children need, but for their benefit not ours, RLP68, RLP79-81
choice, RL134, B21Apr17, B13Nov17
creates happiness, B14Jan08, B25Feb11, B02Jan12
definition, B25Feb11, B23Jan13, RLM 81-3, RLM 184, RLP80
don’t expect, DC54, DC31-32, DC410
dose of, B04Feb14
effects, B23Jan13, B03Sep14
eliminates expectations, RLM 82
evidence of expecting it from others, RLP80
examples, B14Jan08, B25Feb11, RLP249-51
expectations destroy, RLM 212-13
expectations of, DC296-297
expressing, B02Jan12, B23Jan15
fear makes impossible, B21Apr17
feel more loved with, RLP80
for, not to, RLP79-81, RLP249, RLWM 58-9
for vs. to, RL135, RLM 213
for our own growth, RL134
for the right steps taken by our children, RLP255, RLP283-4
form of praise, RLWM25-6
genuine, how taught, B28Aug17
happiness from, B25Feb11, B23Jan13, RLWM 58-9
impossible when parents indulge children, B25Feb11
impossible when victim, B04Feb14
impossible without enough Real Love, DC98-99
lack of due to expectations, RL 132
lack of destructive, RL 132-3, RLM 184
learning, DC99, B25Feb11, B02Jan12
magnifies effect of Real Love, RL 131-4, RLM 81-2, RLM 184
need it from others when we don’t feel loved, DC99
obligation to be, B23Jan15
often form of praise, BWB85
parents expect from children, RLP68, RLP79
parents receive as praise from children, RLP35-6
power of, B13Nov17
real not required, RLP79-81
responding to in healthy way, RLWM 26
result of feeling loved, RLP249-50
see Ingratitude
taught, B25Feb11
teaching, RLP251
teaching by example, RLP252
teaching by loving, RLP81
used as form of Imitation Love, RL19-20
Gravel, chewing, B12Dec16
Gravity:
doesn’t pick on you, B04Jun12
emotional, B27Jul16
need for, B12Nov12
never sleeps, B27Jul16
relentless, B27Jul16
Gray, shades of, B13May11
Greatest Treasure, DC3
Greed, cost, B16May14
Greek chorus, B12Oct16
Green, color results from blue and yellow, RL49, B30Sep15
Greg, life story, RLxi-xiii, EWB361-7
Grief:
causes of, B18Jun14
disappears with perspective, B26May08
don’t “fix” in others, DC240
eternal perspective solution for, B18Jun14
gratitude solution for, B18Jun14
guilt in, B18Jun14
loss of Imitation Love in, B18Jun14
natural, B18Jun14
nature of, DC240
Real Love solution for, DC240, B18Jun14
responding to, DC158-159-160, DC240, B26May08, B18Jun14
selfishness of, DC240, B18Jun14
victimhood in, B18Jun14
Group Meetings:
age of those attending, RLWM 37
books, Real Love and The Wise Man in, RLWM 39
check-in, RLWM 41
check-out, RLWM 44
confidentiality, RLWM 39
exercises for, RLWM 275-86
fear in, responding to, RLWM 166-7
guidelines, B04Mar15
how many people in, RLWM 35-6
how often, RLWM 36
interactions between, RLWM 283-4
leading, RLWM 40, RLWM 43
length of, RLWM 36-7
monopolizing, RLWM 43
open, closed, RLWM 34-5
Rules of Seeing in, RLWM 129-31
socializing in, RLWM 44
telling truth about other members in, RLWM 42-3
telling truth in, RLWM 41-3
who comes, RLWM 33-4
purpose, RLWM 32, RLWM 37-9
talking about members not in attendance, RLWM 131
ups and downs of, RLWM 47-8
sympathy in, RLWM 38
where meet, RLWM 36
Groups, Real Love:
contact with, frequent needed, RLWM 45-6, BWB305-6
definition, RLWM 31-2, RL95, RL104, EWB271-2
extended family, RLWM 45
forming, RLWM 31, RLWM 47
guidelines, B04Mar15
responding to difficult people in, B06Dec12
Grow, how, B09Jun17
Growth:
assessing, B06Feb17
difficult, B07Nov06, B02Sep08, B25Aug14
effort required, B04Apr16
foundation must be right, B10Dec08, B25Aug14
from sharing Real Love, B21May12
generations required for some, B29Oct12
gradual, B07Nov06, B10Dec08, B14Dec11, B29Oct12, B14Nov12, B02Jan14, B07Apr14, B27Jun14, B04Jul14, B25Aug14, B27Feb15, B11Aug17
half-measures useless, B04Apr16
help needed for, B19Feb07, B16Mar12
how, B28Jun17
like balsamic vinegar, B02Jan14
measuring, B04Mar16
one step at a time, B04Jul14
pain in, B24Nov17
painful, B16Mar12, B03Dec14
punctuated by pain, B16Dec16
requires effort, like climbing mountain, B02Sep08, B15Jul11
requires effort, like splitting wood, B25May11
requires effort, like weight lifting, B05Feb08
requires starting over, B15Apr15
requires work, B25Oct17
responsibility for, B18Jun12
slow not bad, B26May17
speed not important, B27Feb15
unsteadiness a result, B10Jul17
work required, B25Oct17
Guarantee:
none in relationships, B28Mar14
Guidance, accepting, B12Dec 11
Guide, let love be your, B01Jun15
Guide dog, training, B17Mar14
Guides, in life, B17Feb16
Guilt: PCSD 160-62, PCSD 298-300, PCSD 317-18
about past, B30May11
disappears when we correctly identify our responsibility, B18Nov07
disregards the atonement of Christ, BWB180-1
eliminated when understand that Getting and Protecting and need for RL, RL29-30, RLM 39-40, RLP145, EWB151, BWB137
eliminating with an understanding of the Law of choice, RLV 191-2
eliminating with seeing real responsibility for our choices, RLWM 99
eliminating with understanding of our innate shortcomings, BWB137, BWB178-9
excessive bad, B29Mar17
excessive unnecessary, even harmful, RL82, RL142, RL161
excessive unproductive, EWB151, BWB164, BWB179-81
Godly kind, BWB180
good only to motivate seeing and change, RLWM 93
hanging on to foolish, B24Jan11, B26Jun12
information, B29Mar17
learning from, B29Mar17
misplaced, B26Jun12
motivation poor, B28Aug17
no need for parents to feel, RLP95-8, RLP100-101, RLP129
not as useful as learning from our own mistakes, EWB151-2, EWB262, BWB164, BWB178-9, BWB294
not good motivation, DC360
old diapers and, B24Jan11
responding to people who demonstrate excessive, RLV 294-5
unproductive, B29Mar17
useful only to motivate seeing and change, RL142
useless and harmful, RLP95-6, RLP145, RLP188, RLW116-18, RLW133
using as motivation for children, RLP186-7
vs. shame, RLWM 93, B31Aug15
Gun, pull on ant, B17Jun15
Guns:
not problem in violence, B16Dec12