- June 2, 2018 at 7:38 am #36094
David and Connie Blanchard-RainesParticipant
I have been away from home for a few weeks due to work. As my wife and I were talking one evening, I asked her about a text she had sent me earlier .
The text did not make any sense to me and the way it was worded made me think that it was not meant for me. This made me afraid. Instead of being honest with my wife I decided to play it safe and try to lead her into talking about it . This only lead to more fear from me and I could not hear her . She explained the text to me in detail and I was too afraid to acknowledge her or to be honest. I went to bed knowing what I had done was not right . When I woke up I contacted my wise person and was able to be honest and see my past pain. I then called my wife and took responsibility. I am still happily surprised when she sees me and loves me in these times .
Is it normal to have moments each week that show me how much fear and past pain I have yet to deal with?June 6, 2018 at 11:31 am #36137
Hi there David. Nice to see you here. The short answer to your question is “Yes, perfectly normal.” Let me ask you this. How old are you? Now, how many years/months have you been seriously involved in Real Love? I would guess you’ve had far more time to develop your fear and pain than years/months countering it. It’s usually a big surprise when we start noticing what we do on a daily basis.
I need to tell you that I have a huge bias against texts (I’m old). 🙂 Texts are so easy to misunderstand–there is no face to see, no voice to hear and, as you did, it’s really easy to bring our own baggage when we read it. Have you read Greg’s PCSD book? If you haven’t, I recommend it highly. Our fear and pain start early in childhood when we don’t feel loved by our parents. And these continual hits of not feeling loved, first by parents, then by siblings or peers, teachers, whoever, we start to store up triggers. Then Connie texts something, says something, you get triggered. And she’s probably wondering “What did I say?” The triggers are usually so buried that they can slip right by your attention. All you know is suddenly you’re afraid. She said something so it must be her. Some of us attack when we get triggered. Some of us run, get victimy, or lie about what we’re feeling. All perfectly normal. And now you see it. Maybe not as quickly as you’d like, and that’s good. I say it’s good because there was a time when you didn’t have any idea why you were fearful. Just keep working with your wise person and the triggers will get farther apart.
Love to you!! And tell your lovely wife I said hi!
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