I promise you that this is true.
No, we don’t MEAN to say that, but what else COULD people hear while our words, tone, and behavior are screaming ME-ME-ME? “I don’t love you” is what YOU hear and FEEL when people are angry at you—think about it honestly—and it’s what our children hear and feel when we’re angry at them. And sometimes they respond to their emotional pain and self-loathing by inflicting injury upon themselves in the way they eat.
Again, we do NOT mean to do this. We do not mean to hurt our children. But it was inevitable, because WE were not loved unconditionally—which means being consistently loved without disappointment or anger. We were not loved freely, without conditions, so how could we possibly have learned how to unconditionally love our own children? IMPOSSIBLE. Nobody is to blame. Our ignorance of Real Love has simply perpetuated over generations. We don’t know how to love unconditionally because we’ve never seen it or felt it with any consistency.
Childhood and Teenage Eating Disorders are Reactions to Not Being Loved Unconditionally
For emphasis, I’m going to say all this in a slightly different way:
When children behave badly—when they have an unhealthy way of using food, for example—it is almost always a reaction to them not feeling loved unconditionally. They do not feel loved with no disappointment, irritation, frustration, or anger.
This could sound discouraging, even bleak. In some ways it IS bleak. Look at the world—at the utter obsession with things that are distractions from our pain, from our not feeling loved: like endless entertainment, addiction to electronics, anger, controlling people, drugs, alcohol, sex, and on and on. THERE is the proof—in our addiction to all those behaviors—that overall we do not know how to love people unconditionally. If we did, and I speak here with vast experience, these behaviors would not exist.
Children and Teenagers Who are Loved Unconditionally Don’t Have Eating Disorders
I’ve been teaching unconditional love now for so many years to so many parents that I can tell you this with complete certainty: When a child truly feels loved unconditionally, he or she DOES NOT need the artificial control or pain relief of starving, purging, or binging. Instead they’re HAPPY—and responsible, and have all those qualities you wish they had.
With sufficient love, there is simply no NEED for kids to use food in an unhealthy way, or have low self-esteem, or otherwise behave badly. Happy people don’t behave badly—eating disorders being just one example. Period. Full stop. It seems almost like this statement is too broad, too bold. It’s not.
Why You’re Not Succeeding in Helping Your Children with Their Eating Disorder and Other Self-Harming Behaviors
So THAT is what I’ll be teaching you: How to LOVE your children unconditionally, which then gives them a REASON to LISTEN to you. How many times have you wondered why a child isn’t hearing what you’re saying? There’s an answer, and here it is: Because when you’re irritated, your child hears only “I don’t love you,” and that is so devastating, that he or she hears none of the rest of the content of what you say.
If you love them unconditionally, they can HEAR you —what you’re really saying—because they’re not distracted by their fear, not blinded and deafened by the “I don’t love you” message. Then it becomes possible for you to teach them anything—like how to be loving and responsible themselves. And if they have that powerful trifecta—they feel loved, and they are loving and responsible—they are guaranteed to be happy, which is the ultimate goal for any parent, or, frankly, any person.
Your Children Can Learn to Be Happy
Your children can learn that being happy is way more fulfilling than numbing their pain or gaining brief moments of control, which they experience with eating disorders.
Take my hand, and we’ll talk about what you can do—and how I will support you. It will almost be like starting over in parenting. You’re going to LEARN how to be a real parent, and your child will learn the lessons of life that will benefit him or her for the rest of their lives. If you implement what you learn here, and if you do it consistently, you simply will not believe the differences you’ll see in your child, and in you, and in your family.
No more starving and throwing up.
No more lying about food intake or hiding their body.
No more sadness, withdrawal from the family, loss of interest in everything.
No more expressions of futility and giving up,
no more ugly words,
no more tension in the family.
It’s astonishing to see and to feel.
Our children are not bad. We’re not bad.
We just have not known how to love and teach them.
Loving and Teaching Eliminates Eating Disorders in Children
What we’re doing with our kids now IS NOT WORKING. Loving and teaching them does.
Rarely is it too late to change whatever unproductive behaviors you’re dealing with, not if you’re really willing to learn and to apply these principles to the interactions with your child. I can promise you, learning how to be a parent is WORTH IT.
We’re about to learn how to ELIMINATE the destructive behaviors around food that are hurting your children and making you crazy. Really.
I make you another promise:
Learning to be a loving, effective parent is EASIER than everything else you’ve done as a parent.
Transforming, not Managing Your Children
We’re really going to get into this. This is not a casual effort. We’re not looking to make your children more manageable. That’s not even close to being enough. Our mission is to help you to become a powerful and effective parent, and to help your child feel loved, and to be loving, responsible, and genuinely happy. It’s a transformation.
If you ARE truly committed to learning how to parent, I’M fully committed to teach you, and I will bring resources to the table you never thought about. The rewards are spectacular—as we have seen in uncounted thousands of families.
There is not a single thing you’ll ever do that will ring through the ages more powerfully than being a loving and effective parent.
You can do this, so let’s learn some more. Let’s get started: