Let's Stick with NOW (Video Clip)

When dealing with people who are displaying signs of "victimhood", don't let them bring up the past. Only deal with how they are feeling NOW. Read Real Love and Freedom for the Soul and help a friend, loved…

The Affliction of Arrogance

Miriam was annoyed at everything. People didn’t understand her. They didn’t help her feel better when she was sad or angry. Circumstances combined against her. When I didn’t say anything for several minutes—not that she paused long enough…

The Benefits and Confusion of Victimhood

I have written a great deal about the nearly universal plague of victimhood in the book Real Love and Freedom for the Soul. In this blog I will describe a common and practical illustration of this condition. Leila has been feeling and acting…

“I Don’t Like It" Is Not a Plan

Mira called to tell me about her four-year-old son, Thomas, who was waking her up several times every night, screaming that he needed his water bottle filled to the top (already three-quarters full), or a particular toy located, or a book read…

Victimhood: A Swath Of Destruction

When Stacy and Hank were married, their hopes were electrifying and contagious. They were bright, educated, and physically attractive. No one at the wedding had the slightest doubt whether these two would have a rich and fulfilling marriage. In…
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Without Expecting

Free yourself completely from expectations and victimhood by reading Real Love and Freedom for the Soul. “This book nailed me to the wall! It has given me the power to change the way I believe, the way I feel, and the way I behave toward…

The Victim's View

We’ve long heard that if you’re a hammer, everything looks like a nail. But it’s also true that if you’re a nail, everything looks like a hammer—which is how victims see everything.


Free yourself from victimhood and experience the joy that comes from feeling unconditionally loved by reading Real Love and Freedom for the Soul here.    

How Do We Loveandteach Victims? (Video Clip)

Victims will complain until they’re dead, and we can help them only by lovingandteaching them, even when they’d rather be coddled.  

Ways to Spell, “Drop Dead” (or “You’re an idiot,” or “Stick your head in the toilet”)

Because we have been taught to avoid the pain of disapproval, we also tend to avoid expressing disapproval to others in a way that is too severe, because generally that is followed by the sharp disapproval of the other person. So we’ve learned…


On many occasions I have spoken about the process of how telling the truth about ourselves creates opportunities for us to feel genuinely seen, accepted, and loved by others. This can be summarized by the linear diagram Truth ➝ Seen ➝ Accepted…

Identifying Victimhood

We want all the genuine happiness in life we can find. Toward that end, we want to eliminate anything that would interfere with that happiness, and there are so many such obstacles. Let’s focus now on just one of them: victimhood, which destroys…

Phrases That Mislead, Part 6

In Real Love groups, conference calls, and other Real Love interactions, certain phrases have crept into use that are not consistent with the principles of Real Love, or that might cause confusion by their use. Recently I began a discussion…

I’m So Special

In many places I have written about the damage caused by expectations. (See the Master Index on the website.) One source of expectations is our belief that somehow we are special. Our needs are special, or our wounds are special,…

The Nail

On YouTube, the following video was posted: We see the lower righter quarter of her face as she is talking. “It’s just there,” she said. “There's all this pressure, you know? And sometimes it feels like it's right up on me, and I…

Giving Up Power to Change

Victims expect someone to save them, but in that expectation they give up the power to change their lives.

Feeling Sorry for Ourselves

Feeling sorry for ourselves is so easy to justify, but then it becomes addictive, and we find ourselves chained to our own beliefs.

Victimized vs. Feeling Like a Victim

Charlotte wrote to me, “For as long as I can remember, I have felt like I was a victim of Life. You once said that our thoughts and feelings were taught to us by other people, so the pain we feel is really not our fault. You said that we are…

Stop the Story

From the moment Caroline sat down, she began with great animation to detail the innumerable injustices in her life, and how everyone had hurt her deeply. Within twenty seconds I said, “This will not help you. You’ve told this story hundreds…