Posts

The Blessings of Pain

Oh, how we hate being in pain. Pain is the great nemesis, the most feared and consistent motivator on the planet. It is our interest in avoiding or decreasing our pain that controls our choice of partners, activities, addictions, and more. What…

Exceeding Our Brief

Robert was dressing for a meeting where he would be speaking, and casually he turned to his wife, Julie, and asked, “Does this tie work?” She replied, “I like the red, striped one better. Here, let me help you put it on.” Later,…
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You Pay For What You Get

For many years Julie had used guilt and intimidation to control every thought, word, and behavior of her husband, Don. This is hardly an accusation, since she was doing only what she had been taught all her life by her parents and others. Regrettably,…

The Affliction of Arrogance

Miriam was annoyed at everything. People didn’t understand her. They didn’t help her feel better when she was sad or angry. Circumstances combined against her. When I didn’t say anything for several minutes—not that she paused long enough…
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Abolished By Selfishness

END the exhausting cycle of explaining and defending yourself and discover how you can live a life filled with peace and confidence by visiting our Anger Management page here:
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Nails and Half-Measures

A two-by-four piece of lumber really measures 1.5 inches by 3.5 inches, because the original piece of wood—two inches by four inches—is reduced in size during the process of drying and planing. The other day I nailed two pieces of two-by-four…

Words That Matter, Part 6

We are often careless with our words, and some of them are so laden with negative meanings that we cause great harm without realizing it. Recently I began a discussion of such words, Words That Matter Part 5 Words That Matter Part 4 Words…

Selfishness

A world expert on the destruction of our oceans said that the problem is not about fish or pollution. It’s about our own selfishness. We must pay attention to the selfishness that is destroying us on so many levels.
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Right?

The moment I insist on being right I become incapable of learning anything or of genuinely connecting to anyone.
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Selfishness

Selfishness of itself is not bad. Nursing babies are gloriously selfish. Selfishness becomes harmful only when we use people without their agreement and in ways that hurt them.

Abolished by Selfishness

We spend our lives accumulating mountains of evidence to justify the self-righteousness of our anger, but the validity of those arguments is instantly and thoroughly abolished simply by their selfishness.

Important

People don’t do things TO YOU. They act FOR THEMSELVES, and your needs are simply less important than theirs.

Looking for Anything?

When you do something for someone, are you looking for ANYTHING? A smile, a thank you, recognition, appreciation, a return favor, praise, anything? If you are—which is almost always the case for most of us—then you are not doing something…

Control

Most of us have a tendency to control people and things. We have convinced ourselves that our wisdom and intrusion are indispensable, but rarely are we that smart, nor are other people that helpless.

You Pay for What You Get

For many years Julie had used guilt and intimidation to control every thought, word, and behavior of her husband, Don. This is hardly an accusation, since she was doing only what she had been taught all her life by her parents and others. Regrettably,…
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Watering the Fish

Joel came to me and said that his business was failing, his marriage was shaky, and the relationship with his children was strained. He was twisted in knots. "You're not seeing the central problem," I said. "Which is?" he asked. "You're…