Real Love Newsletter

Real Miracles

I received the following letter: "Within a few weeks of our getting married, my husband, Andre, began to pull away from me emotionally, then physically. The distance has increased steadily for years until the last year or so, when I've been…
Happy mature couple with text title

You Are Such an Idiot! (Finally)

How Real Love Transformed a Marriage Veronica called to share with me an interaction she'd had the night before with her husband, Dan. For years their relationship had been a series of unpleasant interactions distinguished by anger, victimhood,…
A couple divided by a wall.

Solve the Problem

In a relationship, anything that consistently gets between you as an issue—money, sex, kids, whatever—is the thing that will end you. Solve the problem. Now. Solve the problem, get rid of those walls and enjoy a fulfilling relationship.…
Hands cupped holding the word LOVE in a cloud

Anger Never Works As Well As Loving

What's Really Happening When Anger Seems to Work Last week I posted a blog about establishing a personal zero tolerance for anger. Click here to read that blog. I should have anticipated—but did not—a question that would naturally follow…

I Wish I Could Be a Dog

"I just do not understand," Chuck said to me. "If there's something I want, her time, her help with a project, sex, whatever, Diane [his wife] is always too tired, too busy, or just not interested. But if you saw her around a stray dog, you…
Real Love Newsletter

How Being Wrong Creates Happiness (Video Clip)

To have a great relationship, we need to know what creates happiness and love and be willing to freely admit it when we make mistakes.
Two hands forming an infinity sign with a definition of love.

A Definition of Love

A Definition of Love It's Real Love when I care about your happiness without wanting anything from you in return. It's Real Love when you care about my happiness without wanting anything from me. This is a very important definition of…
Real Love Newsletter

Some Behaviors Need to Stop First (Video Clip)

To be more loving is a creative, growth process. But to keep that process going, some behaviors have to stop NOW.
Real Love Newsletter

How to Communicate with a Controller (Video Clip)

There is a time and way for helping your partner become aware of being a controller. Planning ahead WITH your partner is the key.
Real Love Newsletter

You Want a Ship or a Raft?

Melanie told me that her husband, Don, was drinking every day – five or six or more beers – and also smoking marijuana daily. "It's not like he becomes abusive or anything," she said with Don sitting next to her, "but he just disappears.…
Ways to Say I love you

16 Ways to Say "I Love You"

Although most of us thirst to hear the words I love you, they can also be unsettling — even frightening — because in the past these words have been associated with experiences that were not entirely pleasant. It’s very common for people…
Real Love Newsletter

Is Unconditional Love Possible in a Marriage or Partnership?

Many of us have discovered that it’s relatively easy to unconditionally love strangers. To illustrate, suppose you meet someone for the first time—we’ll call him Mark—in a Real Love meeting. He’s pleasant. He doesn’t hit you in the…
Genuine Love

Genuine Evidence of Love

I love you” feels great to hear. Seeing genuine evidence of “I understand you and love you” feels even better. Fill your life with genuine evidence of love. Listen to Real Love in Marriage and learn how to genuinely love and understand…
Real Love Newsletter

Why It’s Easier to Love a New Person than Your Spouse (Video Clip)

How to tell the difference between Unconditional Love and love that isn’t unconditional.
Real Love Newsletter

Why Do Relationships Fail

Relationships don’t fail because of addictions.
Real Love Newsletter

I Did Not!

Justin had a strong tendency to insist on being right—about everything. This did have some advantages. How does the world know, for example, which of all the swirling opinions in the media are right? Ask Justin. I did finally get across to…
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The More You Nag People, the Less They Listen

Read or listen to Real Love in Marriage and learn how to nag less and love more.
The truth about Falling in love

The Pacific Slide

Every day I talk to several people who are experiencing serious conflict in their primary relationship. In nearly every case the couple was initially in love, but over time the "in love" feeling slipped away, becoming a distant–often painful–memory. What…
Real Love Newsletter
Real Love Newsletter
Real Love Newsletter

How Long Do I Stay in This Relationship?

Christy is married to Don, who is one of the more selfish people I know. He does what he wants, when he wants, and where he wants. Sometimes he brings loud music to the dinner table to entertain himself while he eats, for example, utterly disregarding…