Posts

Second Place - Real Love Blog

Feeling Loved is the Most Important Step (Video Clip)

Reading a book won't help you heal and change. You need someone, other than your partner, to help you. https://youtu.be/umRdcmh8Yk4
Second Place - Real Love Blog

How Being Wrong Creates Happiness (Video Clip)

To have a great relationship, we need to know what creates happiness and love and be willing to freely admit it when we make mistakes. https://youtu.be/x1gsPXUrgS0
Second Place - Real Love Blog

Some Behaviors Need to Stop First (Video Clip)

To be more loving is a creative, growth process. But to keep that process going, some behaviors have to stop NOW. https://youtu.be/vB8uhPL1R4U
Second Place - Real Love Blog

How to Communicate with a Controller (Video Clip)

There is a time and way for helping your partner become aware of being a controller. Planning ahead WITH your partner is the key. https://youtu.be/OLuNspez_wE
Second Place - Real Love Blog

Asking Clearly, with Love (Video Clip)

When there is something you wish your partner was doing with you, ask them clearly, with love. https://youtu.be/m8xIInf0GHQ
Second Place - Real Love Blog

What If My Partner Refuses to Practice Real Love? (Video Clip)

In some relationships, only one partner chooses to practice Real Love. On many occasions, that can still work—depending on the Key. https://youtu.be/BKtrcjMdq3c
Second Place - Real Love Blog

Trust Your Partner (Video Clip)

Your partnership will be greatly strengthened when you trust your partner to handle what they decide to do. https://youtu.be/Yy5egB9EL0Q
Second Place - Real Love Blog

The Secret to Great Sex is Her Pleasure (Video Clip)

If you want to have great sex with your partner, pay attention to the needs of your partner first (along with the 8 most important words during sex). https://youtu.be/HpFaLee2rnE
Second Place - Real Love Blog

Knowledge vs. Ability

Louis called me and said, "I just can't believe I keep doing this." "Doing what?" I asked. "I've read the marriage book. I've read several of the other Real Love books too, and I've been working at this for months now, but I keep getting…
Second Place - Real Love Blog
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We Have to Let Our Partners Be Themselves (Video Clip)

Oh, the temptation to control our partners is strong, but when we try to control them, our relationship is in big trouble. https://youtu.be/EbwA_YbvFu0
Second Place - Real Love Blog
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Second Place

If you’re willing to be put in second place in a committed relationship, soon you’ll be third and fourth, and then you’ll disappear off the edge of the earth.
Second Place - Real Love Blog
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You Don’t Buy Me Flowers

A man called me one day, heartbroken that his marriage was falling apart. “For years I’ve given her everything she wanted—literally everything—and now she says she’s just not happy anymore, and I don’t know what to do.” Then…
Second Place - Real Love Blog
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Being RIGHT is THE Thing

Two people, Roxanne and Don, separately approached me regarding their lives being miserable and their marriages suffering badly. The difference between how they subsequently responded to coaching could easily be summarized in two words: being…
Second Place - Real Love Blog
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The Ox and the Butterfly

Kirsten and James were living together, planning to get married, and also running a joint business. They spent a lot of time together, which tended to highlight their differences. James is a tightly organized man, who can schedule his day in…
Second Place - Real Love Blog

Sometimes Marriage Isn’t Easy

I’m pregnant, and yesterday I was having a particularly horrible day. Oliver and I had the biggest fight we’ve had in . . . weeks? Months? At the end of it I sat back stunned, because I can’t remember when we last fought. Now, I should…
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Is It Appropriate to Point Out Your Partner’s Flaws? (Video Clip)

When and how should we point out to our partners and others that they’re behaving in unloving ways? https://youtu.be/a0jgA1qfwQs
Second Place - Real Love Blog
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What Can You Do When Your Partner Doesn’t Return Your Love? (Video Clip)

In some relationships, your partner may appear not to respond at all. What can you do then? https://youtu.be/pmn3iFZkWBM
Second Place - Real Love Blog

Don’t Start Trading

“We often like different kinds of television shows,” Mark said. “So I tell Kelly that I’ll watch one of her shows if later she’ll watch one of mine with me.” I laughed. “So you’re proposing a trade with your partner,” I…
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Marriage Guidelines

I have extensively written and spoken on the subject of marriage. See, for example, the book, Real Love in Marriage. Sometimes, however, it can be helpful to keep a simple list of guidelines that can easily be referenced for the sake…
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Partners

I get a great many questions from couples who endure and even nurture varying degrees of contention. When doing a task together, for example, they argue over who is doing the most work, and whose work is the most important, or noticed, or rewarded.…
Second Place - Real Love Blog

I Don’t Want a Divorce

It’s not rare that I talk to couples whose emptiness and fear have led to their being in a constant state of battle. Although they alternately attack and withdraw without end, they really don’t want to live that way. They simply don’t…