Posts

Surviving Keeps Us from Living (Video Clip)

We all hide our pain in different ways. Whatever we do to survive that pain, keeps us from really living. https://youtu.be/31nDIfpugik Thrive! Don't just survive! Talk with Real Love Coaches on a Free Conference Call here. Do you want…
A picture of Mt. Everest with the title "I'm Shivering on Mt. Everest"
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I'm Shivering on Mt. Everest

A couple called me and described their family. The two of them often bitterly quarreled. The children were in various kinds of trouble at school and otherwise. Not infrequently, the father hit his children and his wife. This was a family in…

Less Pain Is Not Happiness

Living with a High Level of Emotional Pain   Almost all the people you talk to are experiencing a fairly high level of emotional pain. They have little to no experience with feeling unconditionally loved. That lack of love guarantees…
Hands holding light on a black background

Look for the Pain

People in Pain Almost every person alive is suffering from an unspoken and mostly unrealized pain that bubbles right under the surface. They hide it, but if anything difficult happens, they can no longer contain the pain. Then out it comes–often…
The Spiral of Disability

The Spiral of Disability

Last year I saw Blaine, a man of considerable intellect and energy. He was CEO of a corporation and master of a relatively large domain. But he knew absolutely nothing about feeling or giving Real Love, so he felt empty and alone. One of many…
Stealing Love

Stealing Love

Margaret arrived at my home with her husband, Blake. Over the course of their twelve years together, she had emotionally shared herself in inappropriate ways—frequent texting, sharing of deep feelings, phone calls, furtive hugs and kisses,…

The Blessings of Pain

Oh, how we hate being in pain. Pain is the great nemesis, the most feared and consistent motivator on the planet. It is our interest in avoiding or decreasing our pain that controls our choice of partners, activities, addictions, and more. What…

The Pain is Exhausting

Not long ago I met a woman in my home, and upon seeing her I said, “How do you get up in the morning?” “What do you mean?” she asked. “Because you look utterly exhausted, and we’re only at mid-morning. You look, as we would…
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Sometimes People Require More Pain before They’ll Listen (Video Clip)

On occasion, we must allow people to suffer more pain before they require their own motivation to change. So we can’t save them from pain. https://youtu.be/z8vaVdEi438

The Necessity of Prolonged Pain

The American Civil War lasted from April 12, 1861 to May 9, 1865 and resulted in a loss of more than 600,000 lives at a time when the population of the entire country was perhaps 23 million. Few historians dispute that it was the most important…

All Those Mistakes

Jerry was doing his best to learn and apply the principles of Real Love, but one day he said to me, “I keep making stupid mistakes.” “Shocking,” I said with a smile. “What are you smiling about?” “That you feel bad. If…
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Climbing the Eiger

In Switzerland there's a mountain called The Eiger, which rises more than 13,000 feet above sea level. It's a popular mountain for climbers, but it's also quite dangerous, having claimed dozens of lives over the years. One of the dangers of…
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Stretch Through The Pain

A few years ago I began to experience increasing pain in my left knee, with accumulation of fluid in the synovial space. When non-prescription, oral anti-inflammatory medication proved ineffective, I saw an orthopedist, who discovered that my…
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Pain Is Information

The primary motivation of nearly every human being is to decrease pain. Understandable. Who likes to be in pain? But pain is INFORMATION. It tells us that something is WRONG, something that may injure or even consume us—something we need to…

Here Come the Monsters

Elaine called me one morning and said, “I woke up afraid.” Before she could continue, I said, “And here come the monsters.” “What do you mean by that?” “When you get afraid, Elaine, your mind starts spinning at a hundred…
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We Create Virtual Worlds Where We Are in Control (Video Clip)

When the real world becomes painful enough, we escape to virtual worlds—video games and porn—where we can leave our pain behind. https://youtu.be/7zkr_o_6iEo

We Need the Wind

Recently I overheard a man talking about his sailing trip, and at one point he said the sea was just “too calm for us to go anywhere.” Everyone bemoans exceptionally high velocity winds—in storms, hurricane, and tornadoes, for example.…