Loving Other People More Than Ourselves

On many occasions I’ve heard people propose the idea that we should love other people more than ourselves. On the surface, this sounds like a potentially attractive idea. When people hear it, they almost uniformly nod their heads in deep…
Two hands forming an infinity sign with a definition of love.

A Definition of Love

A Definition of Love It's Real Love when I care about your happiness without wanting anything from you in return. It's Real Love when you care about my happiness without wanting anything from me. This is a very important definition of…
What does real love look like?

What Does Real Love Look Like?

As a principle alone, Real Love is transformational. As I have taught the definition and nature of Real Love to people all around the world, I have been impressed with how they have lit up with understanding. As they have realized the role of…

It’s Easy When You Know the Difference

Over the years I’ve done a lot plumbing around the house, and years ago I decided—for hydraulic reasons few would care about—that if water flooded sufficiently from the creek, I would need to temporarily block the flow of several four-inch…

It’s Not About Forgiving

Suzanne called and said, “I’ve been doing Real Love for a while now. I’m happier, more peaceful. Stressful events simply don’t stress me out as they once did. My relationships with family members are all better.” “But—” I…

Can It Ever Be Wrong to be Kind?

I received the following question: “My mother-in-law is famous for doing things for everybody. If a baby is born, she makes a blanket; somebody is sick, she takes dinner; that kind of thing. But when she does things for us, something just…

The Perfect Blossom

In the movie The Last Samurai, the samurai lord, Katsumoto, was giving a lesson in honor and beauty to his less cultured American prisoner, Captain Nathan Algren. “The perfect blossom is a rare thing,” Katsumoto said. “You could spend…

Life or Death

When wheat is harvested, most of it is taken by truck to a grain storage facility—called an elevator—from which it is carried away as needed by trucks, railroad cars, or barges to grain wholesalers, exporters, and local end-users, such as…

Responding to a Spouse’s Addiction

“A woman wrote to me and said, “My husband has quite a gambling addiction, and it’s destroying our family. What can I do? I feel like just accepting and loving him would be condoning his behavior, which would be wrong.” My answer…

How Do We Loveandteach Victims? (Video Clip)

Victims will complain until they’re dead, and we can help them only by lovingandteaching them, even when they’d rather be coddled.  

Love in War

I have a close friendship with a man who once fought in a regiment tasked with keeping the peace during the peak of civil violence in Northern Ireland. His regiment was trained not to regard everyone as an enemy, so they treated the civilian…

Love Means Caring about Your Happiness, Not Your Comfort (Video Clip)

We have been taught that loving people means doing whatever we can to make them comfortable. Wrong. Loving means caring about your happiness, which involves growth and discomfort.

Both Sides of Fabric Softener

Many years ago my wife, Donna, asked me, “How soft do you like your towels?” I think of myself as a big, tough guy, who can run a chain saw in each of both hands, but who wants a nasty, scratchy towel? So I said, “Really soft.” Within…

Loving With vs Loving Despite

On many occasions people have asked me how you can love somebody despite their being angry, or selfish, or stupid, or whatever. The problem here is typified by the use of the word “despite.” If I claim to love you despite your flaws: *…

Touching is ONE Way to Express Love (Video Clip)

Touching people is one powerful way to express love to other people, but it has to be done with genuine caring, or else it can become harmful.