Exceeding Our Brief

Robert was dressing for a meeting where he would be speaking, and casually he turned to his wife, Julie, and asked, “Does this tie work?” She replied, “I like the red, striped one better. Here, let me help you put it on.” Later,…

Be Aware When You Speak

For decades I have been watching people interact with each other. In the past twenty-five years especially, I have paid close attention, and my observations are not entirely complimentary of us humans. Without meaning to, we are constantly sharing…

Complete Disregard

Most people listen like they drive—with a complete disregard for anyone but themselves.

Why Do We Listen So Poorly?

On the whole, we listen very poorly. Instead of listening to what other people are really saying: We defend ourselves. We wait for an opening—a pause—so we can say what’s on our own mind. We think of witty responses. We attack people…

Just ASK

Every day I talk to couples where neither person is really aware of what their partner is thinking or feeling. I ask him how he’s doing, and he says, “Okay, I guess.” When I ask him how SHE is doing, the answer is the same. But when I…

The Nail

On YouTube, the following video was posted: We see the lower righter quarter of her face as she is talking. “It’s just there,” she said. “There's all this pressure, you know? And sometimes it feels like it's right up on me, and I…

The Power of Listening

As you genuinely listen to people and care about them, you can change their world. How powerful and satisfying that is.


A wise man once said . . . as little as possible. It’s in listening that we find wisdom.

Just Listen

Wanna have some fun? The next time your child, spouse, or coworker speaks, just listen. Really listen with all your heart and mind until they’re done. See how it feels—for you and for them.


We are so busy being right, defending ourselves, and getting attention that we scarcely have any time or attention for genuinely listening to each other.

Genuine Listening

Genuinely listening to another person is a most loving act. Make a commitment today to really listen to another person, and watch what happens.

Genuinely Listening

People rarely remember what you said, but they do remember whether you genuinely listened to them.

Real Listening

Real listening is a powerful act of love, which blesses both the speaker and the listener.

Listen and Love

Almost every time people speak, they’re telling me something important about themselves—no matter what the subject might appear to be. They give us great opportunities to listen and love.

Waiting for Someone to Truly Listen

A woman told me that her husband never talked to her, so it wasn’t likely that he’d talk to me. He talked to me for five hours straight. All those years he’d just been waiting for someone to truly listen to him.


Listening is a sacred experience. When you really listen to another person, they often hand you their soul.

Real Listening

postTuee Real listening is a matter of genuinely understanding and distilling what we hear, not just repeating it—much like a real book report on War and Peace is not a matter of simply handing in a copy of the book.

It’s Just a Story

As Brenda and Josh were eating dinner with Donna and me, one of the subjects discussed was the quality of screenplays in television and cinema. I was asked whether I knew any examples of good writers and their work. I named a few, one of them…

The Subject of the Conversation

The relationship between Melissa and Chuck had steadily deteriorated for years, to the point where it could no longer continue. I asked them if they’d like to stop the conflicts that had plagued their marriage. “Yes,” they said in unison. “Describe…