The Big Picture

In college I majored in chemistry, and I was fascinated at how I could combine basic elements and simple molecules to create molecules of increasing complexity—especially if there was some kind of explosive as a product (I was young). Chemistry…
Opportunity to Learn - Real Love Blog

Opportunity to Learn

Every moment of our lives is an opportunity to learn. If we pause to complain instead, a potentially irreplaceable opportunity may be lost.

The Willingness to Learn is EVERYTHING (Video Clip)

People talk about so many traits that they desire in a potential partner or friend or employee, but the greatest—by FAR—is the willingness to learn, without which everything else is just decoration.

Steps to the Next Answers

As we continue to learn, we discover that “the” answers we once had believed become only steps to the next answers.

Words That Matter, Part 5

We are often careless with our words, and some of them are so laden with negative meanings that we cause great harm without realizing it. Recently I began a discussion of such words, Words That Matter Part 4 Words That Matter Part 3 Words…


There are few crimes greater than persistently untended ignorance.
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Right, Right, Not

Shirley and her new husband, Mike, called me to talk about her twenty-five year old son, Ashton. Questions revealed that Ashton was an alcoholic, jobless, and living in a relationship beyond dysfunctional. Days before he had come over to the…

Avoid Pain

There is nothing we do more diligently than avoid pain, but pain is essential in the process of learning and growing.

The Secret of Learning

Much of the secret of learning is the willingness to wait patiently while we suffer the pain that will teach us.


Until you are willing to risk everything to learn, you will stay the same.

Born Again

We do NOT have to keep repeating the pain, fear, and mistakes of the past. As we learn and live new principles, we can literally be born again.


Don’t struggle to eliminate your unloving behaviors. Simply be diligently aware of them and persist in learning from them.

He's Learning

A husband said his wife would never talk about sex. But when I talked to her, she couldn’t talk enough about the subject. She just didn’t feel loved or safe with him. He’s learning.

Creating Relationships

Finding and creating relationships without Real Love is like a dog chasing a car. Rarely does the dog get what he wants and if he does manage to sink his teeth into a tire, he really won’t like what happens next.

Learn and Grow

You want to learn and grow? Then embrace—not resist—the inevitable mistakes and failures that accompany learning.

Illusion of Safety

If your goal is only to avoid mistakes, you might succeed in achieving the illusion of safety, but you won’t learn anything either.

The Gift of Immediate Feedback

James and Lori had been enduring a barely tolerable marriage for a long time. I taught them how to love each other, but we kept encountering the obstacle that James had a profound need to be right. When we believe we’re right, we cannot be…

Be Willing to Let Go

If you want to learn something new, you must be willing to let go of what you think you know, and that takes enormous faith and courage.

Take the Risks

If you’re not failing, you’re not growing. Take the risks, make the mistakes, and grow.