Pruning Early

I have a great number of plants growing in my backyard, most of which I planted, intending them to be a decorative feast, as well as to serve functions like shade, hedging, and more. But many others plants are simply “volunteers,” which…

Genuine Safety is Found only in NOT Protecting Ourselves (Video Clip)

When we’re afraid, we naturally pick up weapons to protect ourselves, but never has that resulted in happiness. We have to bury our weapons to feel truly safe.

We Can’t Skip the Steps

All his life Paul had been criticized, pressured, manipulated, and neglected by his parents. When asked, however, he said that his family had been “wonderfully loving,” because it was all he knew, and he didn’t want to commit the crime…

Learning and Growing

If we're not finding life difficult to some degree, we're probably not learning and growing enough.

“I Don’t Understand”

People are unhappy primarily for two reasons: They never received enough unconditional love, from childhood to the present. They were taught lies that distort their choices and feelings, making happiness very difficult. The solution to…
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Need, Want, and Hope

Joann called me to talk about how she had tried to use Real Love to help her adult son, Max, who was lost, wandering, and miserable. “I really WANT to help him,” she said. “Listen to yourself carefully. Listen to the tone with which…

Love and Like

The word “love” has a great many meanings, and for that reason—among others—it can be a source of enormous confusion. We say, for example, that we love our children, our lover, our spouse, and our friends. But we also say that we love…

The Big Picture

In college I majored in chemistry, and I was fascinated at how I could combine basic elements and simple molecules to create molecules of increasing complexity—especially if there was some kind of explosive as a product (I was young). Chemistry…
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What is the Purpose of Real Love Groups? (Video Clip)

Real Love Groups exist for the purpose of providing people an opportunity to tell the truth about themselves and to feel seen, accepted, and loved.
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Once You’ve Seen the Bait . . .

I saw a woman, Karen, in my office who was very afraid of nearly everything in life, and whose response to fear was to please everyone. She didn’t know who she was and had no discernible personality. Karen began to describe her partner…
Teachability - Real Love Blog


If you seek to possess the quality of teachability, you will learn everything else in life that really matters. The lack of teachability is like a living death.
Real Solution - Real Love Blog

The Real Solution

People want to “process” their problems, but the real solution always involves love, and processing love is like reading an apple.

Sharing Pain and Fear

When talking to people, we need to remember that sharing pain and fear are not the same as loving or intimacy.
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Being RIGHT is THE Thing

Two people, Roxanne and Don, separately approached me regarding their lives being miserable and their marriages suffering badly. The difference between how they subsequently responded to coaching could easily be summarized in two words: being…
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The Only Way to Really Learn How to Love is to Practice (Video Clip)

We can’t learn to be loving simply by reading a book. We have to learn correct principles, and then practice them—over and over.

Life is Good

Life is good. Mistakes are inevitable. Learning from them is a choice.