Posts

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Making Decisions in the Right Order

Tom called and said, "I simply cannot live with Lynne [his wife] anymore." "Hardly a surprise," I said. "She's been creating an illusion of studying Real Love for several years now, and yet I've never seen her genuinely listen to anyone but…
How can I help my Ex?

How Can I Help My Ex?

Janelle sat in the chair across from me and said she wanted to talk about her recent divorce. "I feel bad about my ex-husband," she said. "Since the divorce he's been really depressed. I worry that he could even do something crazy. His father…
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How Do You Decide Whether to Divorce? (Video Clip)

Divorce is an unbelievably heavy decision. What criteria can we use to know whether to do it? https://youtu.be/2FGnFpbOnsw
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The Spectrum Of Loving

One day I was watching an interaction between Matthew and his wife, Louise, who was critical and attacking toward him and toward many other people who were not present. If words had an odor, we'd have been in an outhouse. Not once did Matthew…

How Long Do I Stay in This Relationship?

Christy is married to Don, who is one of the more selfish people I know. He does what he wants, when he wants, and where he wants. Sometimes he brings loud music to the dinner table to entertain himself while he eats, for example, utterly disregarding…
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Why Do I Sometimes Act So Badly?

Christine called, and I could almost feel her shaking her head. "I just do not understand," she said, "why I treat James so badly sometimes. Everything is fine for a while, and then I blow up at him. Later, when I look back, what he did to provoke…
When It's Over - Real Love Blog
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When It's Over

Timothy called and explained that in the middle of the night two months ago, his wife of twenty years, Fiona, had left him and his three children. She moved in with a boyfriend in another state, and was well on her way to constructing a new…
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Factoring in the Power of Love

Lisa talked to me about her overwhelming fears associated with her impending divorce. “I don’t think I can handle all the responsibilities: money, taking care of our daughter, my job, custody disagreements.” “I completely get it,…
I'll do anything...Except That - Real Love Blog
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I’ll Do Anything . . . Except That

(blog written by Jonathan Baer) A couple came to talk to me. "I just don't think I can do this anymore." Pam said. "Bryce never wants to have anything to do with me or the girls. He'd be just fine if we never bothered him and he watched…
Lost In Translation - Real Love Blog
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Lost In Translation

For years Aaron and his wife, Vikki, had been locked in an emotional firestorm that showed no signs of burning out. In recent months Vicki had been practicing Real Love with some success, but Aaron had adamantly refused to participate in any…
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Controlling Gossip

Mark wrote: “After living with my wife for thirty years, I simply could not continue. Make no mistake, I have plenty of my own flaws—and I’m working on those—but Martha had no interest in doing anything about our stagnant and distant…

I Don’t Want a Divorce

It’s not rare that I talk to couples whose emptiness and fear have led to their being in a constant state of battle. Although they alternately attack and withdraw without end, they really don’t want to live that way. They simply don’t…
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Love Doesn't Just Fade Away

Love doesn’t just fade away. It dies from lack of nourishment. It is strangled by the weeds of fear and anger. It is drowned by pain and ignorance.

Admit Your Mistakes

I talked today to a victim who refuses to tell the truth about herself, so now she’ll lose her marriage—not because of her mistakes but because she won’t admit them.
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Divorced at Age Two

I talked to a couple who were in the process of divorcing. Their marriage was simply awful—attacking, withdrawing, lying, addictions—an unspeakable mess of conflict and pain. “When did your marriage begin to go bad?” I asked. They…
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What Exactly Are You Afraid Of?

Kristy called and said that she had decided to leave her husband, a man who hadn't worked in years (no disability), who contributed in no way to the chores around the house, who hadn't done anything with his own children in ages, and who rarely…
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I Just Hate This!

I received the following letter: "My husband, Mark, and I are getting divorced. For certain, because I want an emotionally available partner, and I want our children to be free from the venom he pours all over me when they're around. And…
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What Do I Tell the Kids?

I received the following letter: "My marriage is over. We tried working it out ourselves. We tried counseling. We tried Real Love too, but no matter what we did, my wife, Sandy, never put her heart into it. She loved it when I told the truth…

The Gift of a Child

I received a letter from a mother: "When I divorced my husband a year ago, it was difficult on my daughter, Megan. As I've learned to apply the principles of Real Love in my interactions with her, she has seen the differences in me, and we're…

Always Teach the Little Ones

Terry wrote me and said, "My husband, Larry, was emotionally and verbally abusive our entire marriage, and after 8 years of it, I finally had enough and divorced him. Unfortunately, my daughter, Heather, was a victim of all the conflict and…
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Making Decisions in the Right Order

Tom called and said, "I simply cannot live with Lynne [his wife] anymore." "Hardly a surprise," I said. "She's been creating an illusion of studying Real Love for several years now, and yet I've never seen her genuinely listen to anyone but…