The truth about Falling in love

The Pacific Slide

Every day I talk to several people who are experiencing serious conflict in their primary relationship. In nearly every case the couple was initially in love, but over time the "in love" feeling slipped away, becoming a distant–often painful–memory. What…

The Subtleties Of Power

Glenn was annoyed when he said, "Nobody listens to me." "Really?" I asked. "Give me an example." "Yesterday I wanted to go out to eat with Misty (his wife), instead of eating dinner at home." "Did you tell her you wanted to go out?" He…
Love from One Person

Love From One Person

Matt called me to complain about his wife. He said she avoided him, wouldn't have sex with him, and seemed to dislike any conversation with him. "I'm miserable," he said. "Do you have a Real Love group?" I asked. "Yes." "Do you attend…

It’s in the Delivery

I talked by Skype to John and Julie and asked them how they were doing. “All she ever does is criticize me,” he said, obviously unhappy. “Give me a specific example,” I said. John described how earlier that day she had come…

The Spectrum Of Loving

One day I was watching an interaction between Matthew and his wife, Louise, who was critical and attacking toward him and toward many other people who were not present. If words had an odor, we'd have been in an outhouse. Not once did Matthew…

How Long Do I Stay in This Relationship?

Christy is married to Don, who is one of the more selfish people I know. He does what he wants, when he wants, and where he wants. Sometimes he brings loud music to the dinner table to entertain himself while he eats, for example, utterly disregarding…

Walking the Path Together

I received the following from a practitioner of Real Love, who described metaphorically what her relationship with a partner has been like since they’ve been learning to love each other: I'm walking along a path with someone I have chosen…

Trust Your Partner (Video Clip)

Your partnership will be greatly strengthened when you trust your partner to handle what they decide to do. https://youtu.be/Yy5egB9EL0Q

Change the Assignment

“I wanna scream,” Velora said. “Because . . .?” I asked. “For the past three years, I’ve asked my husband to take the garbage out of the house on his way to work, but nothing’s working. He’s promised and promised, but he…

The Secret to Great Sex is Her Pleasure (Video Clip)

If you want to have great sex with your partner, pay attention to the needs of your partner first (along with the 8 most important words during sex). https://youtu.be/HpFaLee2rnE

What YOU Can Do

Get "The Truth About Finding Genuine Happiness Now and Forever" by reading or listening to Real Love in Marriage here.

Why Do I Sometimes Act So Badly?

Christine called, and I could almost feel her shaking her head. "I just do not understand," she said, "why I treat James so badly sometimes. Everything is fine for a while, and then I blow up at him. Later, when I look back, what he did to provoke…

Pay Attention to the Whole Plant

Bob called and complained about several things that his wife, Karen, was doing or not doing. “We’ve talked about these things before,” he said, “but she doesn’t seem to care. And she gets irritated if I bring them up.” “You…

When It's Over

Timothy called and explained that in the middle of the night two months ago, his wife of twenty years, Fiona, had left him and his three children. She moved in with a boyfriend in another state, and was well on her way to constructing a new…

The Games We’ve Always Played

In the early 1960s, psychiatrist Ronald David (R.D.) Laing analyzed human behavior with the mathematical models of game theory—which has been used in making complex decisions in wars, corporate competition, and elsewhere. His work is summarized…

I’ll Do Anything . . . Except That

A couple came to talk to me. "I just don't think I can do this anymore." Pam said. "Bryce never wants to have anything to do with me or the girls. He'd be just fine if we never bothered him and he watched sports all day. He's not even interested…

It’s No Big Deal

It’s quite common for me to listen to people who are angry, usually stating that their anger was caused by a specific person or event. Often I ask if there were other recent irritating events that they simply didn’t deal with. The answer…

Victimhood: A Swath Of Destruction

When Stacy and Hank were married, their hopes were electrifying and contagious. They were bright, educated, and physically attractive. No one at the wedding had the slightest doubt whether these two would have a rich and fulfilling marriage. In…

Real Listening Will Banish Fear

Sharon called me and said, "All Justin can talk about is work and money: this deal, that deal, making money, losing money. It never stops." "And then you're supposed to respond to each of the issues he brings up, right?" I asked. "Yes.…

A Dictatorship or a Relationship?

Recently, as I spoke with a couple, Sarah said that her husband, Todd, was not helping her with the recycling. "I AM helping," Todd said. "She just doesn't like the way I do it." They argued back and forth about who did what and when–as…