Ways to Say I love you

16 Ways to Say "I Love You"

Although most of us thirst to hear the words I love you, they can also be unsettling — even frightening — because in the past these words have been associated with experiences that were not entirely pleasant. It’s very common for people…

Real Miracles

I received the following letter: "Within a few weeks of our getting married, my husband, Andre, began to pull away from me emotionally, then physically. The distance has increased steadily for years until the last year or so, when I've been…
Happy mature couple with text title

You Are Such an Idiot! (Finally)

How Real Love Transformed a Marriage Veronica called to share with me an interaction she'd had the night before with her husband, Dan. For years their relationship had been a series of unpleasant interactions distinguished by anger, victimhood,…
A couple divided by a wall.

Solve the Problem

In a relationship, anything that consistently gets between you as an issue—money, sex, kids, whatever—is the thing that will end you. Solve the problem. Now. Solve the problem, get rid of those walls and enjoy a fulfilling relationship.…
Hands cupped holding the word LOVE in a cloud

Anger Never Works As Well As Loving

What's Really Happening When Anger Seems to Work Last week I posted a blog about establishing a personal zero tolerance for anger. Click here to read that blog. I should have anticipated—but did not—a question that would naturally follow…
Angry woman crossed out.

Zero Tolerance for Anger Is Easier than Minimum Tolerance

We Rarely Learn Zero Tolerance for Anger Growing Up Like many of us, Maureen was raised in a home where anger was expressed with such regularity that it was accepted as normal. Because of what Maureen learned at home, she used anger a lot…

I Wish I Could Be a Dog

"I just do not understand," Chuck said to me. "If there's something I want, her time, her help with a project, sex, whatever, Diane [his wife] is always too tired, too busy, or just not interested. But if you saw her around a stray dog, you…

You Want a Ship or a Raft?

Melanie told me that her husband, Don, was drinking every day – five or six or more beers – and also smoking marijuana daily. "It's not like he becomes abusive or anything," she said with Don sitting next to her, "but he just disappears.…
Ways to Say I love you

16 Ways to Say "I Love You"

Although most of us thirst to hear the words I love you, they can also be unsettling — even frightening — because in the past these words have been associated with experiences that were not entirely pleasant. It’s very common for people…

Is Unconditional Love Possible in a Marriage or Partnership?

Many of us have discovered that it’s relatively easy to unconditionally love strangers. To illustrate, suppose you meet someone for the first time—we’ll call him Mark—in a Real Love meeting. He’s pleasant. He doesn’t hit you in the…
what is true

What Is Really True?

Michelle called me in a snit about a conflict in her marriage with Rob. She'd worked herself into quite a frenzy, and after a couple of minutes I said, "You're very afraid." "I'm angry," she said. "Oh, I can hear that, but your anger is…

Why Do Relationships Fail

Relationships don’t fail because of addictions. https://youtu.be/UT__QNISajE

I Did Not!

Justin had a strong tendency to insist on being right—about everything. This did have some advantages. How does the world know, for example, which of all the swirling opinions in the media are right? Ask Justin. I did finally get across to…

Making Decisions in the Right Order

Tom called and said, "I simply cannot live with Lynne [his wife] anymore." "Hardly a surprise," I said. "She's been creating an illusion of studying Real Love for several years now, and yet I've never seen her genuinely listen to anyone but…
The truth about Falling in love

The Pacific Slide

Every day I talk to several people who are experiencing serious conflict in their primary relationship. In nearly every case the couple was initially in love, but over time the "in love" feeling slipped away, becoming a distant–often painful–memory. What…

The Subtleties Of Power

Glenn was annoyed when he said, "Nobody listens to me." "Really?" I asked. "Give me an example." "Yesterday I wanted to go out to eat with Misty (his wife), instead of eating dinner at home." "Did you tell her you wanted to go out?" He…
Love from One Person

Love From One Person

Matt called me to complain about his wife. He said she avoided him, wouldn't have sex with him, and seemed to dislike any conversation with him. "I'm miserable," he said. "Do you have a Real Love group?" I asked. "Yes." "Do you attend…

It’s in the Delivery

I talked by Skype to John and Julie and asked them how they were doing. “All she ever does is criticize me,” he said, obviously unhappy. “Give me a specific example,” I said. John described how earlier that day she had come…

The Spectrum Of Loving

One day I was watching an interaction between Matthew and his wife, Louise, who was critical and attacking toward him and toward many other people who were not present. If words had an odor, we'd have been in an outhouse. Not once did Matthew…

How Long Do I Stay in This Relationship?

Christy is married to Don, who is one of the more selfish people I know. He does what he wants, when he wants, and where he wants. Sometimes he brings loud music to the dinner table to entertain himself while he eats, for example, utterly disregarding…