Real Miracles

I received the following letter: "Within a few weeks of our getting married, my husband, Andre, began to pull away from me emotionally, then physically. The distance has increased steadily for years until the last year or so, when I've been…
Happy mature couple with text title

You Are Such an Idiot! (Finally)

How Real Love Transformed a Marriage Veronica called to share with me an interaction she'd had the night before with her husband, Dan. For years their relationship had been a series of unpleasant interactions distinguished by anger, victimhood,…
A couple divided by a wall.

Solve the Problem

In a relationship, anything that consistently gets between you as an issue—money, sex, kids, whatever—is the thing that will end you. Solve the problem. Now. Solve the problem, get rid of those walls and enjoy a fulfilling relationship.…
Hands cupped holding the word LOVE in a cloud

Anger Never Works As Well As Loving

What's Really Happening When Anger Seems to Work Last week I posted a blog about establishing a personal zero tolerance for anger. Click here to read that blog. I should have anticipated—but did not—a question that would naturally follow…

I Wish I Could Be a Dog

"I just do not understand," Chuck said to me. "If there's something I want, her time, her help with a project, sex, whatever, Diane [his wife] is always too tired, too busy, or just not interested. But if you saw her around a stray dog, you…

Feeling Loved is the Most Important Step (Video Clip)

Reading a book won't help you heal and change. You need someone, other than your partner, to help you.
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How Being Wrong Creates Happiness (Video Clip)

To have a great relationship, we need to know what creates happiness and love and be willing to freely admit it when we make mistakes.

You Want a Ship or a Raft?

Melanie told me that her husband, Don, was drinking every day – five or six or more beers – and also smoking marijuana daily. "It's not like he becomes abusive or anything," she said with Don sitting next to her, "but he just disappears.…
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Making Decisions in the Right Order

Tom called and said, "I simply cannot live with Lynne [his wife] anymore." "Hardly a surprise," I said. "She's been creating an illusion of studying Real Love for several years now, and yet I've never seen her genuinely listen to anyone but…
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The More You Nag People, the Less They Listen

Read or listen to Real Love in Marriage and learn how to nag less and love more.
pushing the boulder
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Pushing the Boulder

I talked to a woman, Ilene, who was utterly overwhelmed with the responsibility of controlling her children, bossing her husband around, and worrying about everything. "You look exhausted, honey," I said. "I'm worn out." "Like you're…
The truth about Falling in love

The Pacific Slide

Every day I talk to several people who are experiencing serious conflict in their primary relationship. In nearly every case the couple was initially in love, but over time the "in love" feeling slipped away, becoming a distant–often painful–memory. What…
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The Subtleties Of Power

Glenn was annoyed when he said, "Nobody listens to me." "Really?" I asked. "Give me an example." "Yesterday I wanted to go out to eat with Misty (his wife), instead of eating dinner at home." "Did you tell her you wanted to go out?" He…
Love from One Person
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Love From One Person

Matt called me to complain about his wife. He said she avoided him, wouldn't have sex with him, and seemed to dislike any conversation with him. "I'm miserable," he said. "Do you have a Real Love group?" I asked. "Yes." "Do you attend…
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Forcing People Vs. Standards

Erica said to me, "When Justin and I got engaged, we made agreements about how we wanted our marriage to look. We wouldn't use drugs. We'd be sexually faithful to each other. There'd be no yelling or hitting. That kind of thing. But now Justin…
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The All-Powerful Bridge Of Trust

After watching Lisa express her anger at Paul, her husband, for several minutes, I interrupted. "You don't trust him." "Sure I do," she said. "I just don't like many of the choices he makes." "You mean most of his choices." Her silence…
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Do You Have A Peanut Allergy?

For years Allison had been in and out of a relationship with Philip, and—not coincidentally—her progress toward genuine happiness had been negligible. She called me to complain about something at work. "When was the last time you saw…
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You Pay For What You Get

For many years Julie had used guilt and intimidation to control every thought, word, and behavior of her husband, Don. This is hardly an accusation, since she was doing only what she had been taught all her life by her parents and others. Regrettably,…

The Spectrum Of Loving

One day I was watching an interaction between Matthew and his wife, Louise, who was critical and attacking toward him and toward many other people who were not present. If words had an odor, we'd have been in an outhouse. Not once did Matthew…

How Long Do I Stay in This Relationship?

Christy is married to Don, who is one of the more selfish people I know. He does what he wants, when he wants, and where he wants. Sometimes he brings loud music to the dinner table to entertain himself while he eats, for example, utterly disregarding…

Walking the Path Together

I received the following from a practitioner of Real Love, who described metaphorically what her relationship with a partner has been like since they’ve been learning to love each other: I'm walking along a path with someone I have chosen…