Bring on the Bad Breath

A friend, Larry, and I were talking about how much people want Real Love in their lives. "I was talking to another friend one day," Larry said, "who told me how much he hated bad breath. He couldn't be in the same room with it. I said that I…

Unloving Moments

A coach suggested that we collect some of the UNloving things that people say, especially the ones that the speaker would not recognize as unloving. "I hate you" is universally recognized as unloving, but we have so many subtle—and therefore…

Feeling Loved is the Most Important Step (Video Clip)

Reading a book won't help you heal and change. You need someone, other than your partner, to help you.

We Live in a Zoo

Not long ago I was privileged to host Sheri for an intervention. For weeks afterward, she said that feeling unconditionally loved during our time together had changed the way she saw everything: herself, other people, and more. One day she called…
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How Being Wrong Creates Happiness (Video Clip)

To have a great relationship, we need to know what creates happiness and love and be willing to freely admit it when we make mistakes.

Sharing Real Love–an Example

Recently I received the following letter from a woman: "Several months ago I began to read Real Love books, as many as I could find. I was stunned that such a revolutionary view of life could have been hidden from me all my life. I realized…

Dragging that Deadly Bag

In several African countries young boys have been recruited by rebels to fight as soldiers, who then shot their way through one village after another, usually hopped up on fear and drugs. One boy who escaped that life described running from…

License to Love

Melinda was recently given a certificate as a Certified Real Love Coach, and she put it up on her living room wall. Her daughter, Sarah, was impressed. She asked Melinda what she had done to earn the certification, and then she was all the more…

The Need for the Death of Compliments (Video Clip)

Complimenting a child increases his anxiety, not his self-worth. Learn how to talk to a child without praise and watch his confidence and love of life grow. Listen to Real Love in Parenting.  

Scientific Evidence for Real Love

Brené Brown is a professor at the University of Houston graduate school of social work. She is not a psychologist or counselor. She does scientific research regarding human behavior, and following are some of her conclusions:" * What we…

Some Behaviors Need to Stop First (Video Clip)

To be more loving is a creative, growth process. But to keep that process going, some behaviors have to stop NOW.

Like a Bloodhound

Bloodhound is a dog breed famous for its ability to follow a scent that is often many days old, over great distances, even across water. The handler allows the dog to smell something previously worn by the escaped prisoner, or the missing person,…

How to Communicate with a Controller (Video Clip)

There is a time and way for helping your partner become aware of being a controller. Planning ahead WITH your partner is the key.

Stopping Evil

The other day I received the following letter: "Recently I read the following quotation: 'All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.' (Edmund Burke) The same evening my wife and I were eating in a restaurant,…

Alternative to Compliments and Praise (Video clip)

Let a child simply share their enjoyment of a task or subject with you rather than praising them. They will grow in confidence instead of feeling assessed...again.

You Want a Ship or a Raft?

Melanie told me that her husband, Don, was drinking every day – five or six or more beers – and also smoking marijuana daily. "It's not like he becomes abusive or anything," she said with Don sitting next to her, "but he just disappears.…

Everybody Loves Differently (Video Clip)

Recognize that others love you differently than you love them and feel empowered by their love.

Is Unconditional Love Possible in a Marriage or Partnership?

Many of us have discovered that it’s relatively easy to unconditionally love strangers. To illustrate, suppose you meet someone for the first time—we’ll call him Mark—in a Real Love meeting. He’s pleasant. He doesn’t hit you in the…

The Dangers of Praise (Video Clip)

Children will confuse praise with what makes them lovable, often times with disastrous results. "I love you" is what they really need to hear.