A large group of diverse people with arms raised holding a banner.
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We're All in the Special Olympics

Years ago I attended a local Special Olympics, where all the athletes had one or more physical or mental disabilities. When the starting pistol signaled the beginning of the hundred-yard dash, the participants responded in a variety of ways.…
Two friends saying hi.

Different Levels of Friendship

We've become accustomed to guilt and obligation and lying to the point that we can't imagine not living this way. Often these behaviors become quite conflicting, confusing, and exhausting. It's easier to decide what you want to do or are capable…
Picture of a brain full of hearts.
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Put Loving Before Thinking

Loving and thinking are both necessary. The results will be far more profitable—for us and for others if we consistently put loving before thinking. Fill your mind with loving, grateful and generous thoughts so that you will be ready…
A picture of Mt. Everest with the title "I'm Shivering on Mt. Everest"
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I'm Shivering on Mt. Everest

A couple called me and described their family. The two of them often bitterly quarreled. The children were in various kinds of trouble at school and otherwise. Not infrequently, the father hit his children and his wife. This was a family in…
Angry woman crossed out.
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Zero Tolerance for Anger Is Easier than Minimum Tolerance

We Rarely Learn Zero Tolerance for Anger Growing Up Like many of us, Maureen was raised in a home where anger was expressed with such regularity that it was accepted as normal. Because of what Maureen learned at home, she used anger a lot…
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Loving Other People More Than Ourselves

On many occasions I’ve heard people propose the idea that we should love other people more than ourselves. On the surface, this sounds like a potentially attractive idea. When people hear it, they almost uniformly nod their heads in deep…

Bring on the Bad Breath

A friend, Larry, and I were talking about how much people want Real Love in their lives. "I was talking to another friend one day," Larry said, "who told me how much he hated bad breath. He couldn't be in the same room with it. I said that I…

Unloving Moments

A coach suggested that we collect some of the UNloving things that people say, especially the ones that the speaker would not recognize as unloving. "I hate you" is universally recognized as unloving, but we have so many subtle—and therefore…
A couple holding a baby, arms wrapped around each other.
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Truth and Love

What you want most is Real Love. But before you can believe that people actively care about your happiness, you need to know that they accept you. You can't know that people accept you as you really are unless you know that they see who you…

We Live in a Zoo

Not long ago I was privileged to host Sheri for an intervention. For weeks afterward, she said that feeling unconditionally loved during our time together had changed the way she saw everything: herself, other people, and more. One day she called…
Two hands forming an infinity sign with a definition of love.

A Definition of Love

A Definition of Love It's Real Love when I care about your happiness without wanting anything from you in return. It's Real Love when you care about my happiness without wanting anything from me. This is a very important definition of…

Sharing Real Love–an Example

Recently I received the following letter from a woman: "Several months ago I began to read Real Love books, as many as I could find. I was stunned that such a revolutionary view of life could have been hidden from me all my life. I realized…
A picture with the quote and a set of matches, the center is lit.

Our Ultimate Goal is to Love Fully and Deeply

Our ultimate goal is to love as fully and deeply as possible all the people within our sphere of influence—not because we should, but because it is the irresistible expression of who we are. Listen to Real Love, the truth about unconditional…
Hands holding light on a black background

Look for the Pain

People in Pain Almost every person alive is suffering from an unspoken and mostly unrealized pain that bubbles right under the surface. They hide it, but if anything difficult happens, they can no longer contain the pain. Then out it comes–often…
An image of a boy and girl watering a heart tree.

When We Feel Loved

When we feel loved, we can work out anything in a relationship. When we don't feel loved, we can't really work out anything to our lasting satisfaction. By feel loved I mean remember that you're loved. As we tell the truth about ourselves,…

Scientific Evidence for Real Love

Brené Brown is a professor at the University of Houston graduate school of social work. She is not a psychologist or counselor. She does scientific research regarding human behavior, and following are some of her conclusions:" * What we…
Choose to Trust People

Choose to Trust People

Choose to trust people and create the possibility that you will feel loved by them. Your pain will disappear—all because of your choice. Learn more about making wise choices by listening to Real Love.  

Stopping Evil

The other day I received the following letter: "Recently I read the following quotation: 'All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.' (Edmund Burke) The same evening my wife and I were eating in a restaurant,…

Frightened by the Pain of Others

Learn how to understand and accept your own pain so that you won't be afraid of it anymore. Lose the fear of your pain and be free to love. Listen to Real Love and Post Childhood Stress Disorder today.

What are You Really Responsible For?

In order to be happy, we have to accomplish three conditions: We must feel loved. We must be loving. We must be responsible. If we diligently attend to these three goals, we WILL be happy. It's predictable. It's guaranteed. For now, I'll…

Asking Clearly, with Love (Video Clip)

When there is something you wish your partner was doing with you, ask them clearly, with love. https://youtu.be/m8xIInf0GHQ