Truth Seen Accepted Loved

In order for us to feel seen, accepted, and loved, we first need to tell the truth about ourselves, creating opportunities for other people to accept and love us as we really are—that's the definition of Real Love, or unconditional love. We can certainly experience moments of Real Love as we share who we are with one person at a time. However, when we meet with several people who are interested in telling the truth about themselves and in learning how to love others, we can significantly accelerate the process of feeling loved ourselves and loving others. When people meet for that purpose, we call them a "group"—a shorthand expression for a Loving Group or a group of wise men (a term that comes from the tale of the Wart King in the book, Real Love.

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and watch the Essentials of Real Love seminar

Such groups are meeting all over the country, and the results have been phenomenal. Participants have said:

"Being with people who really care about me has changed my life. For the first time, I feel unconditionally loved, and now I have something to give my husband and two children. I wish everyone could have this experience."

"In my group, I've found the unconditional love I always wanted. It's like the loving family I never had."

"I call people in the group all the time—when I'm sad or angry or even happy—and I can always find someone who will listen to me and accept me. It makes a big difference."

How can you find a group? The best way is to create one. Tell the truth about yourself to the people around you, following the pattern and many examples found in Real Love: The Truth About Finding Unconditional Love and Fulfilling Relationships. You could also give a copy of the book to a friend, and if they're interested, you've likely found someone who will want to be in a group with you.

Who should be invited to a group? Anyone who's interested in being truthful about themselves, and who wants to learn to unconditionally love other people. Anyone who wants to find or increase the happiness in their lives.

How many people should be in a group? As few as two people can constitute a group. However, it tends to be more productive when 6-18 attend. When there are too few, it's less likely in any given moment that you'll find someone who is capable of loving you—after all, virtually no one feels loving all the time. When more people attend a group, that increases the likelihood that you'll find acceptance and love. On the other hand, when there are too many people, individuals often don't get the opportunity to participate as actively.

Who leads the group? There is no "boss" in a group. This isn't therapy, with a leader who is always responsible for guiding the discussion. However, it is useful to have one or two people in the group who help coordinate the meetings: find a meeting place (a home, place of business, or church), learn what time and day of the week would be best for the members, and so on. That's one kind of group leadership.

Another kind of leader is the wise man—simply anyone who feels loved enough in the moment you tell the truth about yourself that he or she can unconditionally accept you and love you. Wise men and women "lead" a discussion as they accept and love those who are telling the truth about themselves. They also lovingly help people see the Getting and Protecting Behaviors they use. When people have used these all their lives, they often really can't see them. We can all learn to be wise men and therefore lead a group.

In most support groups, people just talk without feedback from others. But most people need help seeing the Getting and Protecting Behaviors they've been using unconsciously for years. Without that help we're usually doomed to continue those behaviors. In Loving Groups, you will often help people to see their Getting and Protecting Behaviors, and as they feel accepted with them, they'll be able to make different—more productive—choices.

Download a document that provides more information on running a group

If you want to see real group meetings conducted, you can sponsor a group of people for an all-day seminar, during which you will actually participate in several groups. Or, you can hire a Real Love Coach to help you organize a group and direct your first few meetings. Many people find Coaches to be enormously helpful as they learn this new skill.