the best information about groups, we suggest the third disc of the CD
Truth About Love and Lies.
several weekly groups conducted by conference call.
Truth Seen Accepted Loved
In order for us to feel seen, accepted, and
loved, we first need to tell the truth about ourselves, creating opportunities
for other people to accept and love us as we really are—that's
the definition of Real Love, or unconditional love. We can certainly
experience moments of Real Love as we share who we are with one person
at a time. However, when we meet with several people who are interested
in telling the truth about themselves and in learning how to love others,
we can significantly accelerate the process of feeling loved ourselves
and loving others. When people meet for that purpose, we call them a "group"—a
shorthand expression for a Loving Group or a group of wise men (a term
that comes from the tale of the Wart King in the book, Real
hear the story of the Wart King,
watch the Essentials of Real Love seminar
Such groups are meeting all over the country, and the results have been
phenomenal. Participants have said:
"Being with people who really care about me has changed my life.
For the first time, I feel unconditionally loved, and now I have something
to give my husband and two children. I wish everyone could have this
"In my group, I've found the unconditional love I always wanted.
It's like the loving family I never had."
"I call people in the group all the time—when I'm sad or
angry or even happy—and I can always find someone who will listen
to me and accept me. It makes a big difference."
How can you find a group? The best way is
to create one. Tell the truth about yourself to the people around you,
following the pattern and many examples found in Real
Love: The Truth About Finding Unconditional Love and Fulfilling Relationships.
You could also give a copy of the book to a friend, and if they're interested,
you've likely found someone who will want to be in a group with you.
should be invited to a group? Anyone who's interested in being truthful
about themselves, and who wants to learn to unconditionally love other
people. Anyone who wants to find or increase the happiness in their lives.
How many people should be in a group? As few as two people can constitute
a group. However, it tends to be more productive when 6-18 attend. When
there are too few, it's less likely in any given moment that you'll find
someone who is capable of loving you—after all, virtually no one
feels loving all the time. When more people attend a group, that increases
the likelihood that you'll find acceptance and love. On the other hand,
when there are too many people, individuals often don't get the opportunity
to participate as actively.
Who leads the group? There is no "boss" in a group. This isn't
therapy, with a leader who is always responsible for guiding the discussion.
However, it is useful to have one or two people in the group who help
coordinate the meetings: find a meeting place (a home, place of business,
or church), learn what time and day of the week would be best for the
members, and so on. That's one kind of group leadership.
Another kind of leader is the wise man—simply anyone who feels
loved enough in the moment you tell the truth about yourself that he
or she can unconditionally accept you and love you. Wise men and women "lead" a
discussion as they accept and love those who are telling the truth about
themselves. They also lovingly help people see the Getting and Protecting
Behaviors they use. When people have used these all their lives, they
often really can't see them. We can all learn to be wise men and therefore
lead a group.
In most support groups, people just talk without feedback from others.
But most people need help seeing the Getting and Protecting Behaviors
they've been using unconsciously for years. Without that help we're usually
doomed to continue those behaviors. In Loving Groups, you will often
help people to see their Getting and Protecting Behaviors, and as they
feel accepted with them, they'll be able to make different—more
Download a document that provides
more information on running a group
If you want to see real group meetings conducted, you can sponsor a
group of people for an all-day seminar, during which you will actually
participate in several groups. Or, you can hire a Real
Love Coach to help you organize a group and direct your first
few meetings. Many people find Coaches to be enormously helpful as they
learn this new skill.
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