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Apologize for yelling?

Printed From: RealLove.com Forums
Category: Relationships
Forum Name: General
Forum Discription: General Relationship questions and situations
URL: http://www.reallove.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=1016
Printed Date: 19 Jun 2013 at 9:26pm


Topic: Apologize for yelling?
Posted By: tnatropicmi
Subject: Apologize for yelling?
Date Posted: 20 Aug 2011 at 2:00pm

How should I respond when my girlfriend gets mad and yells at me, and then later apologizes?

 
 


Replies:
Posted By: lule1993
Date Posted: 21 Aug 2011 at 9:20am
I have the same situation. The problem is that i'm the one that yells and apologizes. I feel helpless. I suggest you try to understand because it never helps that you retrieve. It will only make it worse....be patient. by my own experience: when she apologizes she really means it. She just doesn't know how to get a hold of herself when she has the impulse to yell. After she yells she feels empty and guilty. I guess thats the pattern right? At least thats the way i feel. I really dont know what to do.

Posted By: RLP Angla Nin
Date Posted: 21 Aug 2011 at 5:16pm
 
How should I respond when my girlfriend gets mad and yells at me, and then later apologizes?
 
**Always respond with unconditional love; Real Love.  You accept that she doesn't know how, at least in that moment, to care about your happiness. Understand that she is or was obviously in pain and able to think only of herself. Decide what kind of relationship you want to have and make decisions accordingly.  
 
Love to you,
Angela
 
 


-------------
Certified Real Love Coach~
amurray@reallove.com

Posted By: RLP Angla Nin
Date Posted: 21 Aug 2011 at 5:25pm
I have the same situation.
 
**No fun, huh?
 
The problem is that i'm the one that yells and apologizes.
 
**Ahh...
 
 I feel helpless.
 
**Good description.
 
 I suggest you try to understand because it never helps that you retrieve. It will only make it worse....be patient.
 
**Yes, understanding helps always.
 
by my own experience: when she apologizes she really means it.
 
**Most likely.
 
She just doesn't know how to get a hold of herself when she has the impulse to yell.
 
**Exactly, she's in pain, empty and afraid. And in that condition she can only see the choice of yelling.
 
 After she yells she feels empty and guilty.
 
**BEFORE she yells she feels empty and afteward the guilt.
 
 I guess thats the pattern right?
 
**Yes to all of wha you just said here. The question then becomes, What do we do about this?
 
 At least thats the way i feel.
 
**Most people feel the same way honey.
 
I really dont know what to do.
 
**Well, for starters you're in the right place for help. Real Love is the answer for everything. No kiddding, no exageration. Have you read any Real Love books, or anything like that? Start here.
 
Love to you,
Angela
 
 


-------------
Certified Real Love Coach~
amurray@reallove.com

Posted By: lule1993
Date Posted: 21 Aug 2011 at 9:28pm
Thank you Angela,
I'm almost done reading the basic Real Love book. It has helped me learn lots....but i just seem incapable of applying anything i learn. Please do read my post: "I feel incapable of loving" There I explain my most recent situation. Thanks for your understanding.

Posted By: tnatropicmi
Date Posted: 22 Aug 2011 at 11:08am
Originally posted by RLP Angla Nin

I have the same situation.
 
by my own experience: when she apologizes she really means it.
 
**Most likely.
 
 After she yells she feels empty and guilty.
 
**BEFORE she yells she feels empty and afteward the guilt.
 
However - something I forgot to mention. She only apologizes for yelling if I do withdraw. If I respond to her yelling by listening and trying to understand and make things better, then afterward she acts like nothing happened. If I withdraw while she is yelling, she threatens to leave. If I listen during the yelling, and then withdraw later after the fight is over then she apologizes.
 
 

Posted By: tnatropicmi
Date Posted: 22 Aug 2011 at 11:11am

I guess that doesn't matter though. I just realized that I want her to apologize. I am not understanding that she yells because she feels empty and afraid. I want her to apologize for hurting me, rather than understand that she isn't necessarily doing it to hurt me, she's doing it because she is protecting herself and doesn't know any other way in that moment.


Posted By: RLP Angla Nin
Date Posted: 28 Aug 2011 at 9:12am
Thank you Angela,

I'm almost done reading the basic Real Love book. It has helped me learn lots....but i just seem incapable of applying anything i learn. Please do read my post: "I feel incapable of loving" There I explain my most recent situation. Thanks for your understanding.
 
**You're welcome and I believe that I just replied. If I haven't let me know.
 
Love to you,
Angela


-------------
Certified Real Love Coach~
amurray@reallove.com

Posted By: RLP Angla Nin
Date Posted: 28 Aug 2011 at 9:17am
 
There is no short cut to a happy life. You can fix one situation after another and you can spend your entire life doing this. Most people do. It's unfulfilling and exhausting.
 
Without ReaL Love, understanding what it is and feeling it yourself. This situation will play over and over again in your life like a movie on automatic playback.
 
Therefore the thing to understand and find out more about is Real Love.
 
Just sayin......
 
Love to you,
Angel


-------------
Certified Real Love Coach~
amurray@reallove.com


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