Helping other people correctly

Skypeid: Magicallad

So I've come across some situations where I feel that I talk too much. I
 see so many clinging and victim characteristics from the things that my
 friends say, and I'm a little concerned that they will not take it too 
well if I point them out for them. Who wants to hear "I can see you are 
acting like a victim, you shouldn't do that" even though it is a good 
advice. I know that from the book it is suggested that one does not tell
 the truth to people who would be hurt by it. But how do you know what 
they will react badly to? We know that people usually tend to use attacking or lying if they are confronted with truths about themselves that they arent ready to reveal for people, so this is a tricky one.

It's become pretty clear that I am the "real love student" so my friends
 tend to ask me for advice sometimes cuz of what I might be helpful 
with. I would really like to help and learn. 

Please help me help my friends =)

Sølve

Edited by DeathereX - 15 Jul 2011 at 4:06pm

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DeathereX Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Group Member Joined: 21 Jun 2011 Location: Norway Online Status: Offline Posts: 29	Post Options Post Reply Quote DeathereX Report Post Quote Reply Topic: Helping other people correctly Posted: 15 Jul 2011 at 4:03pm
	So I've come across some situations where I feel that I talk too much. I see so many clinging and victim characteristics from the things that my friends say, and I'm a little concerned that they will not take it too well if I point them out for them. Who wants to hear "I can see you are acting like a victim, you shouldn't do that" even though it is a good advice. I know that from the book it is suggested that one does not tell the truth to people who would be hurt by it. But how do you know what they will react badly to? We know that people usually tend to use attacking or lying if they are confronted with truths about themselves that they arent ready to reveal for people, so this is a tricky one. It's become pretty clear that I am the "real love student" so my friends tend to ask me for advice sometimes cuz of what I might be helpful with. I would really like to help and learn. Please help me help my friends =) Sølve Edited by DeathereX - 15 Jul 2011 at 4:06pm

rlpkaren Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Real Love Coach Joined: 12 Nov 2007 Location: Virgnia USA Online Status: Offline Posts: 708	Post Options Post Reply Quote rlpkaren Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 15 Jul 2011 at 4:22pm
	So I've come across some situations where I feel that I talk too much. I see so many clinging and victim characteristics from the things that my friends say, and I'm a little concerned that they will not take it too well if I point them out for them. *That’s pretty common and it’s always easier to see other people engaging in unhealthy behavior. Keep in mind that the behavior of others really isn’t your business to fix. And that's true even if their behavior is hurting them. Who wants to hear "I can see you are acting like a victim, you shouldn't do that" even though it is a good advice. Yep, that’s true. I know that from the book it is suggested that one does not tell the truth to people who would be hurt by it. But how do you know what they will react badly to? We know that people usually tend to use attacking or lying if they are confronted with truths about themselves that they arent ready to reveal for people, so this is a tricky one. Tell the truth about others only when you ask: Is this really my business? Does it matter? Can I speak with Real Love? Can they hear it? If the answer is no to any of the questions, don’t do it. People generally react badly to not feeling loved, even if you have the best of intensions. I’ve done that! Kept pushing somebody to “get” something or tell the truth and they just got madder and madder. My fault completely. It's become pretty clear that I am the "real love student" so my friends tend to ask me for advice sometimes cuz of what I might be helpful with. I would really like to help and learn. *Recommend that they read the book themselves. Giving advice is a risky business. You might want to consider getting some of the Pearls cards so you can refer to them. Blessings, KarenH Certified Real Love Coach Edited by rlpkaren - 15 Jul 2011 at 4:25pm
	Learn from your mistakes and recognize that everything in life can be used as a lesson once you are willing to be teachable.

Magical Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Visit Members Homepage Add to Buddy List Real Love Coach Joined: 17 May 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 151	Post Options Post Reply Quote Magical Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 16 Jul 2011 at 2:09am
	So I've come across some situations where I feel that I talk too much. * nice. What does that tell you about you? I see so many clinging and victim characteristics from the things that my friends say, * yes – why do they do that? and I'm a little concerned that they will not take it too well if I point them out for them. * okay so does that tell you that you’re seeking their acceptance and love? Who wants to hear "I can see you are acting like a victim, you shouldn't do that" even though it is a good advice. * people really do want to hear that when they know that you love them I know that from the book it is suggested that one does not tell the truth to people who would be hurt by it. But how do you know what they will react badly to? * you just don’t know. Think about it this way – if they’ve been hurting all their lives and one person comes along and you help them. Is it worth it to just find out? We know that people usually tend to use attacking or lying if they are confronted with truths about themselves that they arent ready to reveal for people, so this is a tricky one. * it gets easier when you feel enough real love. You’re simply not ready yet – that all. It’s no big deal. It's become pretty clear that I am the "real love student" so my friends tend to ask me for advice sometimes cuz of what I might be helpful with. I would really like to help and learn. *** keep doing what you’re doing. Lot of times you think that it is advice they want. What they really need is Real Love
	Skypeid: Magicallad

Julifer Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Group Member Joined: 10 Jul 2010 Location: Chicago Online Status: Offline Posts: 36	Post Options Post Reply Quote Julifer Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 16 Jul 2011 at 11:12am
	Solve, Hi! There is a video chat in the archives (week 36 7/17/07) that Greg talks about your question and I thought of your post.