i closed that chapter of my life.

   This morning I thought about my ex recent wedding. I thought about her leaving me and our young children, her very sparse visits until stopping all together, our son turned 12 last Sunday. She remarried a couple months ago.

I got an email about 6 months ago.from her, is told her my truth and apologized for my selfish, uncaring, ways and past.history. it would've been nice if she'd done the same. It didn't hapoen, no shock. She said,"I've closed that chapter of my life years ago." I was and still am hurt and confused, I wonder how someone can close a chapter on living people. I think how my kids still remember things done with their other mom, look at pictures of them doing stuff together, and it seems long to talk to her again.

I understand that hurt people hurt other people, but it sucks. I wanted to email her, I'm here instead, doing my best not to send angry words, thoughts and feelings her way. I miss her to, still questioning that feeling.. its like what's to miss, certainly not a caring friend or partner.

Rebecca/faunia

Author	Message Share Topic Printable Version Delicious Digg Facebook Furl Google Boomarks Google Buzz MySpace Newsvine reddit StumbleUpon Translate Twitter Windows Live Yahoo Bookmarks Topic Search Topic Options Post Reply Create New Topic
RebeccaE Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Group Member Joined: 30 Jun 2010 Location: Bakersfield Online Status: Offline Posts: 39	Post Options Post Reply Quote RebeccaE Report Post Quote Reply Topic: i closed that chapter of my life. Posted: 30 May 2011 at 10:29am
	This morning I thought about my ex recent wedding. I thought about her leaving me and our young children, her very sparse visits until stopping all together, our son turned 12 last Sunday. She remarried a couple months ago. I got an email about 6 months ago.from her, is told her my truth and apologized for my selfish, uncaring, ways and past.history. it would've been nice if she'd done the same. It didn't hapoen, no shock. She said,"I've closed that chapter of my life years ago." I was and still am hurt and confused, I wonder how someone can close a chapter on living people. I think how my kids still remember things done with their other mom, look at pictures of them doing stuff together, and it seems long to talk to her again. I understand that hurt people hurt other people, but it sucks. I wanted to email her, I'm here instead, doing my best not to send angry words, thoughts and feelings her way. I miss her to, still questioning that feeling.. its like what's to miss, certainly not a caring friend or partner. Rebecca/faunia

RLP Angla Nin Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Real Love Coach Joined: 20 Nov 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 311	Post Options Post Reply Quote RLP Angla Nin Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 01 Jun 2011 at 2:28pm
	Rebecca, You said: I miss her to, still questioning that feeling.. its like what's to miss, certainly not a caring friend or partner. This is the whole issue. You're confusing, emptiness and fear with "missing her." Love to you, Angela
	Certified Real Love Coach~ amurray@reallove.com

RebeccaE Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Group Member Joined: 30 Jun 2010 Location: Bakersfield Online Status: Offline Posts: 39	Post Options Post Reply Quote RebeccaE Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 02 Jun 2011 at 8:12pm
	I don't think that I truly miss her that much, I miss the opptunity to create a long time loving relationship that I haven't had since that relationship. It was a live in relationship for five years, and the only live in relationship that I've had, and I want another live in partner, been wanting another for a while now. I guess I'm not having faith that I'll ever have another one, it's been over 10 years since I have. I think that would be the feel part. I'm not sure of the empty part or what that looks or feels like.

RLP Angla Nin Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Real Love Coach Joined: 20 Nov 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 311	Post Options Post Reply Quote RLP Angla Nin Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 08 Jun 2011 at 4:39pm
	Rebecca honey, What are you saying??? No criticism. You said, "I miss her" and then you say, "I don't think that I truly miss her that much." This is a condratidiction. Can you see that? It's always about Real Love. EVERYTHING. You're believing that "a loving relationship" will make you happy or the lack of one, is the cause of your unhappiness. Not true. When you have Real Love NOTHING else matters, withOUT Real Love nothing else is enough. That's the simple, complete answer to everything. So what do you want? Decide this and then you'll know what to do next. Smooches and love to you, Angela
	Certified Real Love Coach~ amurray@reallove.com

RebeccaE Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Group Member Joined: 30 Jun 2010 Location: Bakersfield Online Status: Offline Posts: 39	Post Options Post Reply Quote RebeccaE Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 09 Jun 2011 at 7:00pm
	Hi Angela, Yes, I see that it is. It is my truth though, I don't miss the way in which I was treated. I miss the companionship, yet I'm learning to stop thinking that I can't have a deeply connected companionship with another woman, that is equally rewarding as I looked at my past relationship with her. I miss being in her world, feeling that it was.important to her that I was, yet I'm understanding that because you care for someone, that.your caring doesn't obligate them to wanting u around. I miss sharing myself with her, this is true, I don't miss feeling used & unwanted, & unappreciated & worthless to her.

RLP Angla Nin Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Real Love Coach Joined: 20 Nov 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 311	Post Options Post Reply Quote RLP Angla Nin Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 10 Jun 2011 at 2:20pm
	Rebecca honey, Let me make sure that I'm understanding you. Are you saying that you understand, that when you have Real Love NOTHING else matters, withOUT Real Love nothing else is enough? And that even with this knowledge of what Real Love is, you're STILL wanting the "feel good" part of the imitation love that you've experienced in the past? Is this the "truth" that you're referring to? And are you understanding that what you had was garbage, even the part that felt "good?" None of it, no part of what you had was unconditional love. Do you get it that it HAD to fail? If I'm on target then I'll say, I understand. And I can understand because though imitation love isn't real the feelings ARE but they don't last and they come at a high price. You don't have to settle for that Rebecca. If you take the steps to get the Real Love that you're missing, you'll soon find that all of your past relationships would NEVER do again. You'd be open to participate in something genuine and more fullfilling than you can now imagine. You're afraid that you won't get something and the minute therefore that anyone comes along even HINTING at giving you what you're missing you latch on to them like a tick. Again, no criticism. That's not love though, honey. What do you want honey, imitation love or Real Love? Seriously. Love to you, Angela
	Certified Real Love Coach~ amurray@reallove.com

RebeccaE Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Group Member Joined: 30 Jun 2010 Location: Bakersfield Online Status: Offline Posts: 39	Post Options Post Reply Quote RebeccaE Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 11 Jun 2011 at 10:07am
	Hi Angela, I am saying that when I have Real Love for myself, then Nothing else matters and that without First having Real Love for myself and treating myself as Greg teaches then nothing else will ever be enough. Without the Love for myself, I am seeing that I have been making irresponsible choices in whom I date, also these choices have also affected what I let get to me, thereby bringing choas into my daily life. I now know that that doesn't have to be. Nothing felt good about the imitation love of my past, it's what I don't miss. I feel good when I responsibly loving myself and making loving choices towards myself. Being with my ex wasn't a responsible loving choice, clinging to my ex wasn't either. When I heard of her wedding, I chose to think poor me, she never married me.. boo hoo, then I chose to remember all the pain of the imitation love that came with being with her. How I lay in the hospital alone, and I then choose to remember the gift that she gave me by leaving, and the envy or wanting to be married to her went away. I felt guilty and blamed myself for us not working out and not marrying, then I choose to look closier at what I was feeling guilty about.. understand more now? I'm glad it failed, I now can choose more responsibly whom I commit and share my love with, does that make sense? Also, if I never get married it's okay, because I am learning to love myself in a Real Way and that matters more, and contributes more to my own happiness than any marriage, just to say that in this life I was married, ever would. Edited by RebeccaE - 11 Jun 2011 at 10:10am

RLP Angla Nin Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Real Love Coach Joined: 20 Nov 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 311	Post Options Post Reply Quote RLP Angla Nin Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 12 Jun 2011 at 8:05am
	Hi honey, Got it and I love you. Angela
	Certified Real Love Coach~ amurray@reallove.com