Marriage... lack of real love

We are doing the 40 days book.  An ongoing issue in my marriage is that my spouse is needy (surely I am too). Clearly he has not had enough love and I feel that I am responsible to give him that love. I feel angry and frustrated and drained because of this.   Today he asked if I would be willing to share my "checklist" of daily unconditional loving things I could do for him.  My reply was... that's not the point.  What I wanted to do was scream at him and say, "hey idiot!  the point is that I get to choose what and when I give to you and that you aren't checking up on me to make sure that I have done those things!"  I did not.. however, I am getting ready to go to work right now and I feel sick. I do understand and see that he is drowning, I am drowning.. I am feeling hopeless and really tired of this ongoing issue of...not feeling like I am doing it right.  Has anyone else experienced this in their marriage?  If so, I could sure use some empathy and feedback about it.  Thanks!

Angela,

Originally posted by RLP Angla Nin and I feel that I am responsible to give him that love.    **Not.   I feel angry and frustrated and drained because of this.    **Yep. If you can lose your expectation that the love he needs HAS to come from you, you'd be more relaxed. If you could see and accept that there will be, at least in the beginning, MANY moments when you simply CAN'T love him, that'll help too. All you ever have to do is say something like this, "Honey, I see that you need me to love you right now but I can't. I'm fresh out or, I'm just plain empty myself, or I'm just....whatever." Or you could say what I used to say, and I chuckle as I remember how I used to have to READ this simple statement. "I'm not loving enough to participate in this conversation."