Old Wounds

   Nicole Honey, it's true.  You weren't loved by your family.  You weren't.  And it seems to me that you continue to resent them because you feel they deprived you of the close family ties that others seem to have. Keep in mind that others (the vast majority in fact) who seem to have what you want were also wounded.  Hardly anybody escaped the Primary Wound of not feeling loved.  

You still are suffering from feeling "in the way" or like you don't fit in. You have lots of work to do around this. Something you need to be aware of too, is that you are carrying the pattern forward with your boy.  You don't mean to and that's certainly one thing you can talk about.  Are you able to read your e-mail again and see that?  

Get on calls and talk about your selfishness, your emptiness, your fear.  Then let people (and me) love you while you tell the truth.  You don't get to rewind your life though. Perhaps as you see your own behavior more clearly it will be easier to forgive your empty drowning mother or your grandmother.  Who knows what they struggled with.  I know it was very helpful for me to stop seeing my parents as "parents" and see them as people totally unrelated to me.  

You know my number.  Feel free to call me and talk.  You are not in my way.

Love you,
KarenH

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rlpkaren Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Real Love Coach Joined: 12 Nov 2007 Location: Virgnia USA Online Status: Offline Posts: 708	Post Options Post Reply Quote rlpkaren Report Post Quote Reply Topic: Old Wounds Posted: 04 Apr 2011 at 8:42pm
	Nicole Honey, it's true. You weren't loved by your family. You weren't. And it seems to me that you continue to resent them because you feel they deprived you of the close family ties that others seem to have. Keep in mind that others (the vast majority in fact) who seem to have what you want were also wounded. Hardly anybody escaped the Primary Wound of not feeling loved. You still are suffering from feeling "in the way" or like you don't fit in. You have lots of work to do around this. Something you need to be aware of too, is that you are carrying the pattern forward with your boy. You don't mean to and that's certainly one thing you can talk about. Are you able to read your e-mail again and see that? Get on calls and talk about your selfishness, your emptiness, your fear. Then let people (and me) love you while you tell the truth. You don't get to rewind your life though. Perhaps as you see your own behavior more clearly it will be easier to forgive your empty drowning mother or your grandmother. Who knows what they struggled with. I know it was very helpful for me to stop seeing my parents as "parents" and see them as people totally unrelated to me. You know my number. Feel free to call me and talk. You are not in my way. Love you, KarenH
	Learn from your mistakes and recognize that everything in life can be used as a lesson once you are willing to be teachable.

RLP Angla Nin Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Real Love Coach Joined: 20 Nov 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 311	Post Options Post Reply Quote RLP Angla Nin Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 03 Apr 2011 at 12:16pm
	Hey there Nicole, So honey, can you see how based on what you've just described about growing up why you'd be the way you are today? How could you possibly know anything of or about what "Love" really is? I still don't get how destroyed I was as a child. All anyone can do is to keep telling the truth about their mistakes in the present moment to people who are willing to accept you as you ARE and not as they'd WANT you to be. This is the way to healing that first wound. Our first wound was the absence of such acceptance, love. Greg's latest book on Post Childhood Stress Disorder (PCSD) talks about this primary wound on pages 72-8, 96, 331-40. I don't know how to love you perfectly Nicole but with all of my heart and soul, I freely give to you whatever love I do have. I'm glad that you're here. I'm glad for you and your son and I know that you will feel loved more and more as you continue to move forward with your efforts to heal. Love you, Angela
	Certified Real Love Coach~ amurray@reallove.com

nicorette Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Group Member Joined: 27 Jul 2010 Location: California Online Status: Offline Posts: 18	Post Options Post Reply Quote nicorette Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 03 Apr 2011 at 2:23am
	I was just reading the latest Pearl Post and Karen quotes Greg on the idea of old wounds, saying: "If you were raised happy, healthy, loved...whatever he's [someone else] doing in this moment doesn't matter." We think our unhappiness is due to what the "other guy" is or isn't doing, but it's not. What the other guy is doing may be opening a wound, and yes, we feel pain, but it's an old wound that we've had for a long time, and the pain is due to that. When we heal that first, deep wound, suddenly everything changes, and we are able to be truly happy, no matter what anyone else chooses to do. I notice I often feel this old panic and jealous feeling come back when I find out that someone close to me is fulfilling a dream or doing something I wish I could do, that doesn't include me. I often feel jealous and have feelings of hurt when I see people who are close to their families. These times remind me how I didn't have those things, but instead was told I "ruined" my grandma's life, saw my mom fall apart under the pressure of raising me alone, and felt like a worker bee in my aunt and uncle's home. As a single mom myself, I have had less and less opportunity to run from these feelings. Each night alone at home reminds me of all those years alone, waiting till I turned 18. I feel angry as well, that now I am not as free to just follow my dreams of traveling etc. Is all this from the old wounds? Of always feeling like I was in the way? I get mad at my son, my family, boyfriends, the world about this. I know Im just empty. I am scared I can't be loved unless ... fill in the blank. My dream is to just be content wherever I am and not feeling as if I have to earn it or afraid Im in someone's way. In fact, it'd be amazing to be able to be loving wherever I am. Oh, and how do I talk about old wounds on my Real Love calls. How do I heal that initial wound over a phone?