Empty nest

   Hi, My daughter Zoe left this morning for a week to go visit her dad. I have the week off school. I have watched about 5 hours of t.v. today ( a kind of intense drama.) This is not adding to my happiness. I have a million things to do while Zoe is gone. When I have time to myself I often act irresponsibly. I am going to try to do things differently this week. I am beginning that process here with this note. 

Love Osha

Author	Message Share Topic Printable Version Delicious Digg Facebook Furl Google Boomarks Google Buzz MySpace Newsvine reddit StumbleUpon Translate Twitter Windows Live Yahoo Bookmarks Topic Search Topic Options Post Reply Create New Topic
osha Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Wise Person Joined: 21 Aug 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 162	Post Options Post Reply Quote osha Report Post Quote Reply Topic: Empty nest Posted: 20 Mar 2011 at 10:11pm
	Hi, My daughter Zoe left this morning for a week to go visit her dad. I have the week off school. I have watched about 5 hours of t.v. today ( a kind of intense drama.) This is not adding to my happiness. I have a million things to do while Zoe is gone. When I have time to myself I often act irresponsibly. I am going to try to do things differently this week. I am beginning that process here with this note. Love Osha

RLP Angla Nin Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Real Love Coach Joined: 20 Nov 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 311	Post Options Post Reply Quote RLP Angla Nin Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 21 Mar 2011 at 10:33am
	Osha honey, I've replied twice to your post now and BOTH times the answer was lost. I'm so glad that I feel loved, otherwise I might want to throw my computer on the floor. I don't feel that way. in fact I'm at how crazy it is learning to use something new. I love you and will try again later today. Smooches to you, big hugs and lots of love, Angela
	Certified Real Love Coach~ amurray@reallove.com

bren Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Wise Person Joined: 10 Dec 2008 Online Status: Offline Posts: 101	Post Options Post Reply Quote bren Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 21 Mar 2011 at 2:18pm
	Hi Osha, Until Angela gets back to you, just wanted to say that I really do love you. I have had too many unproductive days in my life to try to number them. I have been immobilized with depression, and anxiety along with all the victim mentality that goes along with it. Now I know I don't have to be productive to be worthy - although people will disagree with that, doesn't mean it's not true. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself and Zoe is to FORGIVE yourself and have FAITH that the path you are on is leading you out of the darkness. In Greg's post the other day he said faith lights the darkness. So many times I have searched for light without faith. I wanted the light so I could find the faith. Doesn't seem to work that way. You may not recognize the light without faith. You won't feel the love without faith that it is real. You may not allow it to enter your heart if you are too skeptical of whether it is real. Ask yourself what lies you are believing that are keeping you unhappy. Very subtle, irrational judgments are at the root of much of the anxiety we feel. There are some books by Albert Ellis that go into EJFR in more detail but the PCSD book sums it up nicely. To heck with the guilt, right? Love You!

rlpkaren Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Real Love Coach Joined: 12 Nov 2007 Location: Virgnia USA Online Status: Offline Posts: 708	Post Options Post Reply Quote rlpkaren Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 21 Mar 2011 at 5:26pm
	The key here is that NO ONE can be happy and irresponsible. Can't happen. AND the other key here is that you are loved even if you spend five solid days glued to the TV. My love for you isn't dependant on how "good" you are today or tomorrow. Whether or not you do the million things that you want to accomplish is entirely up to you. Just beware of setting up a standard that is impossible to meet. What fun things do you have in your millions of things? Being kind and gentle with yourself can be hard to do. Love you, KarenH

osha Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Wise Person Joined: 21 Aug 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 162	Post Options Post Reply Quote osha Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 22 Mar 2011 at 11:50am
	ok, I am going to clean my house for the love of it, and see what else I can cross off my list. I guess I had to spend a couple of days in the dark to really appreciate the light (or maybe I did not have to, but that's what I did). Thanks for the love, you are all on the top of my gratitude list. "Be kind" is my mantra (including, be kind to myself). Thanks for the faith you have in me, Love Osha

bren Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Wise Person Joined: 10 Dec 2008 Online Status: Offline Posts: 101	Post Options Post Reply Quote bren Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 22 Mar 2011 at 12:26pm
	You sound happier already, Osha! Hope you are able to follow through with the things that contribute to your happiness and peace of mind. Today is a new day. I was thinking about what Karen said: "...no one can be happy and irresponsible." I can be irresponsible and loveable, but not happy. Since I want to be happy, I'm going to have to remember that. And start tackling all this paperwork on my desk.

RLP Angla Nin Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Real Love Coach Joined: 20 Nov 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 311	Post Options Post Reply Quote RLP Angla Nin Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 22 Mar 2011 at 12:45pm
	Hi Osha honey, I'm back. And of course I have absolutely no idea of what I was saying before. My take was probably along the lines of how important it is to tell the truth. Hmmm, you might wonder....."Was I lying?"....hmmmm again. Here's the deal though. Whenever we speak we offer others the opportunity to see us, love us. Right? So, If we don't tell the truth, then it stands to reason that we can't be seen and then naturally can't feel loved. When I read that you have a "MILLION" things to do, I knew that you were just using a "figure of speech" and one day when you're feeling really loved using figures of speech will be just fine, but until you ARE feeling loved, it's like really criitical to your love health to simply tell it like it is because no one can feel loved if they're not seen. We all do this or have done this, this hiding behind phrases and nicer words like disappointed instead of angry. Make sense? Figures of speech are vague or generic and if you want to feel loved, it would serve you better to say something like this: Zoe is spending the week with her dad and I have the week off from school. My to do list is long; laundry, mowing the lawn, writing a paper for my Life 101 class, dishes, grocery shopping, helping an old lady cross the street, having my oil changed in the car, and I need to have my dog groomed. I chose to watch five hours of tv today and I feel really irrepsonsible having done that. This way Osha a couple of things happen, one is that you'll see that you really don't have a MILLION things to do and that alone might relieve some of your stress or guilt. Two, when someone responds to your post saying, "Hey, I love you anyway, you'll KNOW that they really see the situation as it TRULY is and you as you really are and you will then be able to FEEL the love that they are giving to you. To continue, if I had a long to do list and I decided to jump start my week by watching 5 hours of tv I wouldn't feel that I was acting irresponsibly but you do. Why? Let's look at that because it's your judgment about your behavior that's hurting you and NOT the behavior, clearly. Otherwise I would have to feel the same way about MY five hours of tv as you do about yours and I don't. It's always our judgments that determine how you we feel, not the event. Oh and being specific is always very important because as you learn to be more specific you'll be more able to get to the bottom of things, that first wound. And then you can stare that lie in the face and watch it disappear. Poof....... I love you honey and I'm not dismissing the value of getting it done, but the most important thing is that you feel loved and you can't until you feel seen.....so that's why I'm focusing on that. Okie dokie?? Smooches and Love to you, Angela Edited by RLP Angla Nin - 22 Mar 2011 at 12:48pm
	Certified Real Love Coach~ amurray@reallove.com

RLP Angla Nin Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Real Love Coach Joined: 20 Nov 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 311	Post Options Post Reply Quote RLP Angla Nin Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 22 Mar 2011 at 1:00pm
	Okay, so it seems I'm a little behind in answering! You all sound fabulous!! Woo hoo.... Love ya, Angela
	Certified Real Love Coach~ amurray@reallove.com

osha Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Wise Person Joined: 21 Aug 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 162	Post Options Post Reply Quote osha Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 22 Mar 2011 at 1:35pm
	Thanks Angela, that opens my eyes a little, sometimes I am not sure what the line is between saying the truth and just over flowing with the details. My to do list looks something like this... In the last week I ran a red light and had my picture taken, I have to pay the ticket. Two days latter I got pulled over for having expired tags, I gracefully accepted the ticket, then I went to get new tags and was told that I had to pay 100$ fine for being late. Ok, at this point I am pissed and feeling like a victim . A hard lesson in learning to be responsible. 2. My house is a MESS: dishes, laundry, sweeping, vacuuming, making the bed, cleaning the bathroom. 3. I have to reapply for food-stamps: paper work. 4. I also have to apply for scholarships, an essay, letter of recommendations, a little more paper work. 5. I told my teacher I would write a paper on my time in phoenix. 6. A few more miscellaneous things, study for math, spend time in the ceramics lab that kind of thing. Ok, Five is not a million, in fact it is not 10 . I hear what your saying about watching t.v. I guess my fear is that I would get stuck there FOREVER, not real rational. I got to a place this morning were I am actually grateful for the things on my list. I would say more but I think that might just be details. Thanks, for your time, Love Osha p.s. I just did a lovely job on my dishes! Edited by osha - 22 Mar 2011 at 1:38pm

osha Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Wise Person Joined: 21 Aug 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 162	Post Options Post Reply Quote osha Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 22 Mar 2011 at 1:51pm
	Ok, I have put off doing laundry to add maybe a little more truth about each thing. I am going to go through it quick. Tickets: Guilt, and had to ask for help. Messy house: Unworthy. Food-stamps: Lazy. Scholarships: I don't really know what I am doing in school. Paper: fear. Zoe visiting her dad and my family: Out of control.