Joined: 25 Nov 2010
Online Status: Offline
Posted: 25 Nov 2010 at 1:23pm
I'm a newcomer, and really confused about "loving" my 21 year old prodigal daughter. Any comments are very appreciated.
So, here's my question. Does "real love" mean that I must accept anything she does and continue dealing with all the significant drama in her life...?
She was the apple of my eye until about 4 years ago, when a "bad boy" introduced her to drugs, alcohol and sex. She moved out at 18 and in with her boyfriend, attempted suicide a few months later, moved in with another boy... had abuse issues there and moved in with yet another boy after a few months. Came back home after going through a drug related arrest and rehab. As soon as she got back on her feet, she was back to her old ways, found a new boyfriend and moved in with him. She now works in a strip club.
Over the years, she has cussed me out countless times, spit in my face, taken swings at me and actually hit me in the face... all in response to what I believe were firm but loving rebukes of her behavior and lifestyle.
My wife continues to "save" her from herself. A 3am phone call from her the other night... from jail... sent my wife into a 3 day frenzy of trying to scrape up the $3500 needed to bail her out. I wanted to simply leave her in jail. At least she would be safe from her abusive boyfriend and away from her normal drug-crazed friends. In the end, it was her friends that bailed her out.
There have been times when she apologizes and behaves well for a while. But inevitably, she goes back into her high drama lifestyle.
I love my daughter, but there's a limit to what I will continue to do for her... and I feel as if I've reached it. Not because my love is limited, but because I feel she needs to deal with the consequences of her own choices. I'm done having her over to our house for holidays and having to listen to her course language. I'm frustrated with having to deal with her relationship issues interfering with keeping my own marriage intact. I don't want to hear about situations at the strip club, etc, etc, etc.
I'm thinking about divorce, as my wife has insisted that our daughter needs to move back in with us. I've told my wife that if our daugther comes back home, I'm leaving. My main reason for this stance is that we have a 16 year old son... a really good kid.... still at home. He doesn't need this in his life. His sister is a terrible role model and bad example for him.
If I'm able to do so, I plan to have my son come with me if/when I leave.
Any replies would be greatly appreciated.
Real Love Coach
Joined: 12 Nov 2007
Location: Virgnia USA
Online Status: Offline
|Post Options Quote Reply Posted: 28 Nov 2010 at 5:29pm|
Hi Tim. You have a crisis on your hands. Your house is on fire and all I can offer here is a squirt gun. You need a fire hose, not what I can give you. To save your marriage and your children you need to do something drastically different.
I strongly recommend that you get in touch with Greg Baer and set up a Real Love Intervention for your family. From there, he'll tell you what other things you need to do. To contact him call 877-NEED LOVE (877-633-3568). Or, you can email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Tim, Real Love and a lot of hard work really is the key to your situation. I hope you'll take my advice and do an intervention.
Love & Blessings,
Certified Real Love Coach
Edited by rlpkaren - 28 Nov 2010 at 5:42pm
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