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Real Love in Parenting |
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CarsonZi 
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Joined: 16 Apr 2010 Location: Calgary,AB,CAN Online Status: Offline Posts: 15 |
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 Topic: Real Love in ParentingPosted: 16 Apr 2010 at 2:34pm |
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Hello Everyone
My name is Carson, and this is my first post here on the forum. Nice to meet you all.
I am quite familiar with Real Love (both the books and the reality of giving and receiving Real Love) and have been living from a place of Real Love for some time now. My reason for posting today is because I have a wonderful opportunity. My wife and I are expecting our first child within the next 6 or 7 weeks.   This is quite exciting for us. We are amply prepared physically, with lots of hand me down clothes, cribs, high chairs, car seats, the whole enchilada, and we are amply prepared emotionally as well, armed to the teeth with Real Love.  We both feel extremely lucky in that we came to understand, both in mind and in heart, how to give and recieve Real Love before we had children. Perhaps a rare opportunity. So my question to you is this:
"Do you have any advice for my wife and I as we welcome our new addition into this world since we are already well versed in giving and receiving Real Love?"
Thank you in advance for any thoughts.
A pleasure to be here.
Love!
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Magical
Real Love Coach 
Joined: 17 May 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 151 |
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Posted: 24 Apr 2010 at 3:26am |
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Hello Carson,
Having a child is life changing. It's great that you are both actively giving and receiving Real Love.
The only suggestion i have assuming you've worked through all the Real Love books and DVD's. I'd suggest that go through RL in Parenting and see how you both plan to do things differently in raising a child. Even before that think about how it was in your childhood when you read. keep making phone calls to people that can see you, and help you tell the truth about you.
With Affection
Magical
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Skypeid: Magicallad
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CarsonZi
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Joined: 16 Apr 2010 Location: Calgary,AB,CAN Online Status: Offline Posts: 15 |
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Posted: 24 Apr 2010 at 10:33pm |
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Hi Magical and thanks for being here for me.
My wife and I have not read "all" the Real Love books, and I have not had a chance to watch any of the DVD's, but we are both pretty familiar with the principles of Real Love and are getting better and better at applying these principles. In regards to parenting, we plan to take the approach of never punishing, scolding or otherwise withholding love when our daughter does something we don't approve of and is honest with us about it. We plan on accepting our child as she is, and choosing to love her unconditionally no matter what. We both know from experience how painful and confusing it is to receive conditional love (labeled as unconditional love) from our parents and we hope that we never fall into the same mindset that they were/are in. We will be open and honest with our child, and hope that she will reciprocate this so that we will have the opportunity to show her that no matter what she says/does/feels/decides we will always love her the same....no conditions attached. Unfortunately we don't really have many "wise friends".....in all honesty we have each other and one other person who is "fluent in being a wise friend" and phone calls to her are not an option (due to the large long distance call fees that would apply, she's in Pennsylvania and we are in Alberta Canada). But we are in fairly constant email contact with her, and we still have each other so....perhaps in time this forum can become a source as well. Who knows. 
Love! Edited by CarsonZi - 24 Apr 2010 at 11:19pm |
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Magical
Real Love Coach
Joined: 17 May 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 151 |
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Posted: 26 Apr 2010 at 2:00am |
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My wife and I have not read "all" the Real Love books, and I have not had a chance to watch any of the DVD's, but we are both pretty familiar with the principles of Real Love and are getting better and better at applying these principles. *** What have you read and done? *** You definitely need a source of Real Love that is consistent. You need to have wise people available that can love see and accept you. How is your relationship with your parents? Do you make any mistakes? |
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Skypeid: Magicallad
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CarsonZi
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Joined: 16 Apr 2010 Location: Calgary,AB,CAN Online Status: Offline Posts: 15 |
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Posted: 26 Apr 2010 at 1:08pm |
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Hi Magical
Not quite sure what you mean by "done", but I have read "Real Love, The Truth About Finding Unconditional Love & Fulfilling Relationships", "Real Love in Marriage", "Real Love in Parenting" and "Real Love for Wise Men and Women". I'm not sure if my wife has read all these or not, but I know for sure that she has read the main one, the "Real Love, The Truth About Finding Unconditional Love & Fulfilling Relationships" one.
I always have a bit of a mind contraction around the word "need".
The one friend I had mentioned, the one in Pennsylvania, is indeed a consistant source of Real Love for me (and recently for my wife as well). She is actually the one who introduced us to Real Love a few years ago. We are only able to communicate via email (and another internet forum), but whenever we feel the desire to be Truthful with a wise friend, she is there for us.
Again, I always have this contraction around the word "need". Same with the word "should" (just being honest here). If in reality I DON'T have wise people available to see, love and accept me, well, then that is reality. And I have a hard time aligning with any perspective that disagrees with reality. Things are how they are, and that is how they "need" to be. If I don't have any wise friends around, well, then I don't. No point in fighting with this reality. Best to just love things as they are IMO.
Personally, in my experience, if I can Love myself unconditionally despite being brutally honest with myself, then the external Real Love is not always "needed" (although it is always gladly accepted and relished when it DOES come from an outside source). I know that this isn't how things are explained in the Real Love books, but this is my personal experience regardless. Again, just being honest
Is there anyone who doesn't make mistakes?
 Yes, I make plenty of mistakes.  My relationship with my parents is complicated and is a long story. I will try to give you a condensed version. My entire extended family (every single one from grandparents, to cousins, to nieces and nephews etc) are "fundamentalist born-again evangelical Christians". I was raised to be this as well, and until about the age of 12 (when I started using drugs) I was right beside them, preaching, "witnessing", being a missionary etc for Christianity. But at the age of 12 (or so) after beginning to chronically smoke marijuana, I had a "perspective shift." This new perspective had me re-evaluating everything I believed and I began to question what I was doing and believing. This soon led to some extreme turmoil in my family life, and I moved out at the age of 14/15 (can't quite remember for sure). I didn't speak much to anyone in my family after that until the age of 21. And at this time I was fully addicted to shooting methamphetamine/heroin "speedballs" and was working as a touring musician and recording studio owner and was pretty much intolerant to be around. The lines of communication were reopened because I had been in a relationship with a girl for 4 years at this point and we were engaged to be married and I felt a desire to have my family become involved in our lives. We fought on and off for a few more years as they continuously tried to "convert" me back to Christianity, until one day everything collapsed.....My fiance and I broke off our engagement, I ended the band and the studio, claimed bankruptcy, and then tried to kill myself with a heroin overdose (all in the same day). This was the "turning point" for me. This was when I realized that I no longer desired to be unhappy for the rest of my life (up until then I had consciously chosen unhappiness as I felt happiness equalled complacency...silly I know) and I chose happiness. I got on the methadone program at this point (for my opiate addiction), had an intensely difficult but necessary discussion with my family (in which they conceeded to stop trying to convert me and in which I conceeded to stop trying to intentionally aggravate them), started an active yoga/meditation practice, and got a "real" job. My parents do not understand "Real Love", nor do they believe they have ever shown me anything but pure unconditional love and to argue with them about this is completely futile. At this point I am open and honest with my family, and they no longer (well rarely) try to convert me and my wife, but they are certainly not a source of Real Love for us. My wife's situtation is actually quite similar.....her entire family is Mormon, she was an alcoholic, and her family still desires to convert us and is not a source for Real Love either. But I am not complaining about any of this though.....this is Reality and it is perfect just as it is. But the relationships my wife and I have with our families is complex and if we let it, can be a source of suffering for both of us. They just aren't open to hearing about anything that contradicts how they see things.
Love!
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Magical
Real Love Coach
Joined: 17 May 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 151 |
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Posted: 27 Apr 2010 at 4:57pm |
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Not quite sure what you mean by "done", *** By done – I mean what steps have you followed through upon? I’ve given the book and DVDs to countless people – However few follow through on what is required to apply the principles in their lives. I always have a bit of a mind contraction around the word "need". *** Understandable. Everyone has told you what you should do, and what you need. So hearing those words opens up wounds that you’ve received all your life. They started from a very young age. You’re reacting against that emotional pain right now. |
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Skypeid: Magicallad
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CarsonZi
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Joined: 16 Apr 2010 Location: Calgary,AB,CAN Online Status: Offline Posts: 15 |
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Posted: 27 Apr 2010 at 5:21pm |
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Hi Magical and thanks for continuing to converse with me on this!
I totally know what you mean.....I've been buying Real Love (basically in bulk, a dozen at a time) and sending it to everyone who will receive it, but you are right....it's easy to read, (or to plop on your bookshelf, and never turn a page) but not everyone puts in the effort required to apply the Real Love principles to their lives.
Personally, I have "followed through" by finding a "wise friend" and taking the time to be (continually) deadly honest with her about who I am (and who I have been) and have received Real Love from her on an ongoing basis. I have also extended this same effort into my marriage (after having my wife read Real Love as well) and have stopped lying and trying to hide from my wife, allowing her to see me and all my faults as they are. I continue to consciously choose to react less and less (as much as is possible) to people attacking me, lying to me, etc, with my own Protecting Behaviors and have taken the approach of seeing other's Protecting Behaviors as them being empty and fearful and now choose not to take things personally. I have choosen to stop acting like a victim and to see the part that I play in every situation, and I have ended almost all of my endless addictions to Imitation Love (the only one I still struggle a bit with is my addiction to sexual gratification). I have taken the necessary steps to be able to extend Real Love to others, and have gotten to a point where I can even extend Real Love to myself.
Yes, for the most part I believe you are right. I HAVE been constantly told (since I was a toddler at least) what I need and what I should or shouldn't do. But what I was really meaning when I said "I always have a mental contraction around the words "need" and "should"" is that I don't really feel like I "need" anything anymore, and I don't feel that anything "should" be any way other then how it is.
Again, thank you Magical for taking the time to converse with me....I really appreciate it.
Love!
Edited by CarsonZi - 27 Apr 2010 at 5:37pm |
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Anna (Awe)
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Joined: 06 May 2010 Location: Colorado USA Online Status: Offline Posts: 3 |
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Posted: 06 May 2010 at 1:42am |
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Hi Carson, I have read the conversation between you and Magical. I have not reached the state of acceptance you describe. Blessings to you and yours |
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Anna (Awe)
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Joined: 06 May 2010 Location: Colorado USA Online Status: Offline Posts: 3 |
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Posted: 06 May 2010 at 1:46am |
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Hi Carson, do you use Skype?
Blessings to yoy and yours, Awe
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CarsonZi
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Joined: 16 Apr 2010 Location: Calgary,AB,CAN Online Status: Offline Posts: 15 |
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Posted: 14 May 2010 at 9:00pm |
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Hi Awe :D
I would love to participate in your double study, but at this point I do not have the technology to do Skype. I just got a laptop (with the intention of getting on Skype) quite recently, but just this past week I ruined it (and yet another Blackberry) due to yet another over the top kundalini awakening and the electrical interference it caused. I'm back to working off of an old Mac running OS 9.2.2 again (can't seem to fritz it out :P) You can contact me via email (it's in my profile) if you want though....I always respond within the day. Love! :D |
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" is my reason for delay) Your mention of how you envision the future interactions with your child tells me you may consider joining in such a double study and find both works resonate well with you. For me these two works are like brick and mortar, both vital for a sound structure. I imagine the real love work will forever remain the mortar no mater how many awesome resources I study. 
, Awe