Angry/Control

   I carry around a lot of anger. I don't even know how to see my way out of anger. And since I am always a victim then I am always snger because someone did or did not do something to me or for me. I try to control the people around me. I try to make them answer my questions. That is what I did to a friend today. I tried to get an answer by clinging and by guilting them into it. It totally backfired and just ended up making my friend mad. But of course I do not feel it was justified because this person had  no right to attack me back, so then I attacked back. What a terrible cycle. Right now I am avoiding the reply text so I don't have to feel the pain of the attack.

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juju bean Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Group Member Joined: 10 Aug 2009 Online Status: Offline Posts: 9	Post Options Post Reply Quote juju bean Report Post Quote Reply Topic: Angry/Control Posted: 03 Sep 2009 at 5:01pm
	I carry around a lot of anger. I don't even know how to see my way out of anger. And since I am always a victim then I am always snger because someone did or did not do something to me or for me. I try to control the people around me. I try to make them answer my questions. That is what I did to a friend today. I tried to get an answer by clinging and by guilting them into it. It totally backfired and just ended up making my friend mad. But of course I do not feel it was justified because this person had no right to attack me back, so then I attacked back. What a terrible cycle. Right now I am avoiding the reply text so I don't have to feel the pain of the attack.

RoknRob121 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Visit Members Homepage Add to Buddy List Wise Person Joined: 04 Jul 2007 Location: Hilo, Hawaii Online Status: Offline Posts: 870	Post Options Post Reply Quote RoknRob121 Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 03 Sep 2009 at 8:23pm
	Hi Juju, Nice to see you more clearly. I hope you know that I love you & accept you as you are right now. I feel somewhat connected to you because I can relate. Anger was my problem for 42 years of my life. Maybe this analogy will help you: When you're angry, you lose. you become the slave of whomever you are angry at. they own you now and can irritate you anytime they want. Is this how you want to live your life in Real Love? If you're like any of us, the answer to that is "No way!" You didn't come this far in your life to be a slave to anyone! You came to Real Love to learn how to be more loving & happy. It only makes sense to you to choose anger because it was the only choice you thought you had before and you were right. Now, "Would you rather be happy or right?!" Most of us at this stage would rather be Happy So we do the necessary truth-telling about the selfishness of our anger, much like you're doing right here. and feel the Love & acceptance of others who also share the same feelings. We are NOT perfect beings here. We are flawed, faulty, fearful & make mistakes, too. but we also tell the TRUTH so we can be free from the anger that has enslaved us for so many years prior to learning how to do things differently. So glad you are here learning & growing with us. I am available to you anytime you need a friend who can Love & accept you. I care about your Happiness, ~ SUPER Coach on Maui ~ Robin M. La`a 808-463-6386 <--- NEW number!!! Edited by RoknRob121 - 12 Nov 2009 at 7:52pm
	~ I'm the one to call when you are ready to tell the TRUTH about it all~ 808-494-1505

juju bean Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Group Member Joined: 10 Aug 2009 Online Status: Offline Posts: 9	Post Options Post Reply Quote juju bean Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 04 Sep 2009 at 4:51pm
	So today. I was in the middle of speaking to my husband when he walked out of the room without a word. I became angry. On first impulse I followed him out to his shop to attack him with my anger but as I was standing there I realized that I was allowing him to hold the keys to my happiness. I allow him to control my actions and reactions. I quietly walked back into the house without attacking him. I texted a friend and had a fun conversation and that helped me remember that I am loved. Can anyone tell me if I am on the right track to being able to use real love principles in my daily life? That is my problem. I can read them and they make perfect sense to me but applying them to my daily situations while I am in the moment is completely another matter.

crossroads Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Group Member Joined: 01 Aug 2009 Online Status: Offline Posts: 12	Post Options Post Reply Quote crossroads Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 04 Sep 2009 at 9:28pm
	JuJu- that is a wonderful first step. Continue to work on filling your life with Real Love all the time, not just when your angry. That will make it easier when the difficult moments present themselves. Thanks for sharing and I am so happy for the choice that you made.

juju bean Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Group Member Joined: 10 Aug 2009 Online Status: Offline Posts: 9	Post Options Post Reply Quote juju bean Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 06 Sep 2009 at 4:04pm
	Thank you. I am finding more peace the more I tell the truth about myself.

juju bean Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Group Member Joined: 10 Aug 2009 Online Status: Offline Posts: 9	Post Options Post Reply Quote juju bean Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 07 Sep 2009 at 8:06am
	I woke up this morning irratated and fearful this morning. I know that means that I am feeling unloved. What can I do when I can't make phone calls to anyone so I can feel loved? I have a friend right now who is not talking to me. Silence scares me. Silence is at the core of not being seen for me. Yet, I know this friend is not doing anything to me; although, it feels very personal. I know my friend is feeling unloved and empty. I certainly would like to love my friend but I do not know how to do that yet. This morning my husband wanted to cuddle. I was very irratated in my response to him. I was feeling unloved and I did not have love to give him. Usually, I woulld have cuddled even though I wasn't feeling loving and I would have resented every moment of it, because I would have felt like he was taking from me. I am so empty inside that it feels like he is always taking from me. I know that he feels unloved and empty, as well. I just want to hide away so I do not cause anyone any pain. Actually, I am a good hider. I do not have very many relationships and I do not do anything but stay home and stay away from people. A running behavior that protects me from further hurt and damage.

RLP Angla Nin Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Real Love Coach Joined: 20 Nov 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 311	Post Options Post Reply Quote RLP Angla Nin Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 07 Sep 2009 at 9:58am
	Hi JuJu, My name is Angela and I'm delighted to hug you through this post. I woke up this morning irratated and fearful this morning. Pretty painful, eh? I know that means that I am feeling unloved. Sure. What can I do when I can't make phone calls to anyone so I can feel loved? Good question. You can remember. Remember that you are loved. Remember times when you made a call in the past and felt loved. You can pray, if you pray. You can write a post like you did here. You can, read old emails or replies that left you feeling better. You can find a song that lifts you and play it. There are a number of things that you can do and maybe not all will work all of the time, but maybe some will work some of the time. I have a friend right now who is not talking to me. That's not fun. Silence scares me. What about the silece scares you? Silence is at the core of not being seen for me. That's one thing. Can you think of other things about silence that scares you? Yet, I know this friend is not doing anything to me; although, it feels very personal. I know my friend is feeling unloved and empty. That's excellent that you can see this. Most people go their entire lives never glimpsing what you're seeing now. I certainly would like to love my friend but I do not know how to do that yet. Again, no kidding, this is excellent. You're on the right track to learning how just by telling the truth now that don't know how to do it. I struggle with the same thing at different times for different people. Sometimes it's easier to love than others. This morning my husband wanted to cuddle. I was very irratated in my response to him. I was feeling unloved and I did not have love to give him. I understand. It probably felt like he was asking for the world. Usually, I woulld have cuddled even though I wasn't feeling loving and I would have resented every moment of it, because I would have felt like he was taking from me. Well said. I am so empty inside that it feels like he is always taking from me. Yes. If you had two barrels of water and those barrels could feel like people feel and one was empty with just a little tinsy bit of water on the bottom, and the other full to the rim. Which barrel would notice most a cup of water being removed? Would the barrel be bad because it could "feel?" What would the empty barrel need in order to NOT feel a cup of water being removed? I know that he feels unloved and empty, as well. Sure. He was thirsty. I just want to hide away so I do not cause anyone any pain. That's very kind of you. Only remember that we're never the cause of anyone's pain. We can either give a cup of water or ask for a cup of water from a barrel that's either empty or full. The barrel hurts because it's empty. Actually, I am a good hider. Yeah, it's been a safe thing to do for many years probably. It can feel better hiding than being exposed to greater pain, but it's pretty lonely. I do not have very many relationships and I do not do anything but stay home and stay away from people. A running behavior that protects me from further hurt and damage. I hope that that all changes for you. I'm glad that you wrote. Love you, Angela
	Certified Real Love Coach~ amurray@reallove.com

juju bean Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Group Member Joined: 10 Aug 2009 Online Status: Offline Posts: 9	Post Options Post Reply Quote juju bean Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 07 Sep 2009 at 7:27pm
	Thank you, Angela. I came home to your response and I feel so much better. I did not realize until I read your response but I was feeling like I was "bad" because I did not have anything to give my husband this morning. Somehow, you knowing that and stating that the barrel wasn't bad because it could feel was like a big hug. The barrel needs more water in order not to feel when a cup is removed. Just like I need more love in order to be able to share it. hmmm. I will have to think about other ways silence scares me. I just know not being seen is at the core of it. I don't want to be invisible or to not matter to someone; somewhere. Hiding is a very lonely place to be. I just have a hard time being around other people.