Why are teenages so hurtful

   Hi, I am a single divorced mom of a 17 year old daughter.  I live with my boyfriend and never would have moved in with him unless she felt comfortable and did.  We have been living here for almost 2 years.  All of my major decisions have been made with her in mind.  I run every time she calls my name and give her my last penny and love her unconditionaly but she has been very hurtful.  She never has a good word to say about me. There must be some resentment there.  Just recently I would not let her go camping with her boyfriend that is 18 the night of the prom.  Then I told her she needs to find a job and now she wants to move in with daddy who is mentally ill and his new wife that is jealous of my daughter.  I feel like I lost her.  My boyfriend is even hurt,  He has done everything to make her comfortable and happy.  I dont think I listerned to her enough.  But her hurtful ways are too much. In the book it says not listerning can be devastating.  Maybe that is where I went wrong.  I would appreciate anyones help.

Author	Message Share Topic Printable Version Delicious Digg Facebook Furl Google Boomarks Google Buzz MySpace Newsvine reddit StumbleUpon Translate Twitter Windows Live Yahoo Bookmarks Topic Search Topic Options Post Reply Create New Topic
Massagelady Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Group Member Joined: 27 May 2009 Location: Maine Online Status: Offline Posts: 1	Post Options Post Reply Quote Massagelady Report Post Quote Reply Topic: Why are teenages so hurtful Posted: 27 May 2009 at 8:41am
	Hi, I am a single divorced mom of a 17 year old daughter. I live with my boyfriend and never would have moved in with him unless she felt comfortable and did. We have been living here for almost 2 years. All of my major decisions have been made with her in mind. I run every time she calls my name and give her my last penny and love her unconditionaly but she has been very hurtful. She never has a good word to say about me. There must be some resentment there. Just recently I would not let her go camping with her boyfriend that is 18 the night of the prom. Then I told her she needs to find a job and now she wants to move in with daddy who is mentally ill and his new wife that is jealous of my daughter. I feel like I lost her. My boyfriend is even hurt, He has done everything to make her comfortable and happy. I dont think I listerned to her enough. But her hurtful ways are too much. In the book it says not listerning can be devastating. Maybe that is where I went wrong. I would appreciate anyones help.

RoknRob121 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Visit Members Homepage Add to Buddy List Wise Person Joined: 04 Jul 2007 Location: Hilo, Hawaii Online Status: Offline Posts: 870	Post Options Post Reply Quote RoknRob121 Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 30 May 2009 at 6:55am
	Hi Lisa, * Nice to meet you in Real Love * Hi, I am a single divorced mom of a 17 year old daughter. * Good to know more about you * I live with my boyfriend and never would have moved in with him unless she felt comfortable and did. * I can see you for WHO you are now * We have been living here for almost 2 years. All of my major decisions have been made with her in mind. * Ok, this is good to know * I run every time she calls my name and give her my last penny * Sounds like you're motivated to do things for her, here * and love her unconditionaly * How is this possible? Is your need for love & acceptance already met? Can you see yourself & her clearly? If there's any disappointment or anger in your voice when you're speaking with her, then what you're giving her is not "Unconditional". Can you hear this in a loving way? * but she has been very hurtful. * She's just letting you know that she doesn't feel loved by you, unconditionally, and that she is in need of love & acceptance which you can gift her with when your "need" for love & acceptance has already been met-Does this make sense to you? * She never has a good word to say about me. * This is because her "need" for love & acceptance is not being met, here. The painfulness of her behavior has you blinded to her "need" for love. You are also missing her messages of " I need to feel loved" & "Will you love me please?" And that only happens because your need for love & acceptance is also NOT being met-Can you receive this in a loving way? * There must be some resentment there. * Obviously and it's nice that you're aware of this now * Just recently I would not let her go camping with her boyfriend that is 18 the night of the prom. * Ok, did you say it in a peaceful & loving way? * Then I told her she needs to find a job * Ok, was there any hint of anger, irritation, or disappointment in your voice? * and now she wants to move in with daddy who is mentally ill and his new wife that is jealous of my daughter. * She's old enough to make her own decisions, right? * I feel like I lost her. * Why, if she moves out will it mean that she is no longer able to interact with you? * My boyfriend is even hurt, He has done everything to make her comfortable and happy. * I'm sure he has-but what does this have to do with being genuinely concerned for her Happiness? * I dont think I listerned to her enough. * Are you able to tell her that without any irritation, anger, disappointment in your voice now? * But her hurtful ways are too much. * Don't you think she knows this, too? She's the one who wants to move out-people only do that when they've had enough, too * In the book it says not listerning can be devastating. * I believe this to be true * Maybe that is where I went wrong. * Among other things. You see you have suffered from a lifetime of being loved, "conditionally" just like alot of us in Real Love, too. It only makes sense that she would feel unloved, unheard, uncared about by you & your boyfirend because neither one of you were equipped with the necessary love & acceptance you both needed to be more loving toward her & genuinely care about her happiness & It's not your fault! Can you hear that in a loving way? * I would appreciate anyones help. * You have the opportunity to learn more about TRUTH-telling. This is how your need for love & acceptance is met. Take time to read the other posts in this Forum, watch Module1 of the FREE on-line Seminar, Purchase the Real Love resources available to you. Meet with us on the daily Conf. Calls & the weekly Videochat with Greg. As your need for love is met-you will be able to convey a clearer message of "I love you" to your daughter, whether she is living with you or not. * Loving you as you grow with us, ~ SUPER Coach Robin ~ www.LovingSolutionsMaui.com 808-463-6386 <--- NEW number!!! Edited by RoknRob121 - 12 Nov 2009 at 9:12pm
	~ I'm the one to call when you are ready to tell the TRUTH about it all~ 808-494-1505

RLP Angla Nin Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Real Love Coach Joined: 20 Nov 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 311	Post Options Post Reply Quote RLP Angla Nin Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 07 Sep 2009 at 10:16am
	Hi Massagelady, I read your post just now and am wondering how things are going? Have you been getting what you need, reading the books on parenting? Have you been working with the principles, joining conference calls or tuning in to Greg's Tuesday night video chat's? How's your daughter? I hope that you have been reaching out and getting what you need. Love you, Angela
	Certified Real Love Coach~ amurray@reallove.com