anger

i am really noticing how when i dont get what i want i get angry.

i am noticing it more clearly because my daughter is also getting mad when she does not get what she wants.

in fact i see it in my mom, oh and dad, oh and partner.

i guess what i am seeing is my disappointment and anger because somewhere in there i have expectations, well all over the place in there.

i asked what to do for my daughter on a call, and i was told i am too empty to do anything, that i first need to feel more love.

an example: when we got up this morning Zoe put on music and wanted to dance, i was making a fire and when i did not jump up and dance she hit me.

i got angry, in fact i am still angry she is trying to control everything i do, in fact she is hitting me on the back trying to get my attention, in fact i just spanked her, and now i am feeling angry at my partner and like a big VICTIM.

now she is on my lap eating her cereal, i apologized for spanking her. i told her that is not a very good way to teach her not to hit.

so i guess what i do is for the most part i do whatever she wants,  then when i have given too much i get angry and mean. crazy making i know, just like my mom.

i really dont want to be angry anymore, any feed back?

love osha