Swim Lessons

My 4 year old son is taking swim lessons.  His first week went well.  I would sit in the stands or no a chair outside of the pool and when he was done with his lessons I would get in the pool and swim with him.  Then when we were changed we would go bounce some basketballs and then stop at his favorite place McDonald's.  

This week however, he would drift off from the class and play by himself or he would get out of the pool and come ask me when I would swim with him.  On Monday, I let him know that this is his swim lesson and when he was done I would swim with him.  He still did not listen and I was okay with that because I did not lay out any consequences for him ahead of time.  On Tuesday, I did lay out a consequence for him.  I let him know that he was there for his swim lesson and if he did not want to take his class we would go home and that is was okay.  I also let him know that if we went home I would not get to swim with him, we would not get to bounce the basketball and that we would have time to eat at home so we would not need to stop by McDonald's.

Of course, he began to drift off from the class and play by the stairs.  I came over to him and reminded him again of the consequences.   He said okay and got back into the class.  Then he drifted back and I came over to him and picked him out of the pool.  He was screaming and kicking and I calmly told him it was okay we are just going to go home now.  As I sat him down to start to dry him off "He begged me to let him go back to his swim class".  I caved and told him okay but we would would have to leave if he did not stay in his class.  Fifteen minutes later he came up to me and said lets go home.  So we did.  No issues no crying.  We changed went home, no basketball no McDonald's.  I was amazed at how he handled it.  He made the choice to go home and loose out on the other things he enjoys.  I was truly amazed. 

His mother just sent me and text indicating that last night he would drift in and out of the class. There is nothing I can do about that but I will be taking him to the Friday class.  Again I will let him know of the consequences.  They will be the same.  However, I will remind him that I will give him one reminder about the consequences prior to implementing them. 

What do you think about this arrangement?  Do you think I should have taken him home when I pulled him out of the pool instead of giving him one more chance?

Here is a RL question for everyone.

My son will leave the swim group and go off and play by himself.  On one hand so what?  Why is that a big deal he is just enjoying himself right?  If I really loved him I would just let leave the class and play by himself.  Come on he is only 4 he gets to do things like that. 
One could look at that as allowing him the freedom to make his own choice and that is the loving thing to do.   Be permissive and allow the child freedom from responsibility that is being loving.  

Others might say no, you are the parent and you set the rules.  Your children need to know you are the boss.  Be controlling and teach your children what is right and wrong.  Demand that they listen to you.  If they need to be yelled at yell at them if they need to be spanked spank them that is being loving.

I look at is this way.  It is my job to love and teach my child and then love my child.  If I did not teach my child the responsibility of his choices that would not be loving.   So like a policeman writing a ticket whenever he makes a choice where there is a preset consequence I simply implement the consequence and we move on.  I do not get mad I just apply the consequence and we move on.

For example he says he does not want to put a lid on his drink.  I say that is okay but lids are there to help prevent spill and you know that you will be responsible for cleaning up the spill if you spill the drink.   Then when the drink spills and he cleans the mess up.  I ask him if he wants a lid.  Sometimes he says no and again that is okay.  He learns through the responsibility of his own action via their natural consequences.   When he is at the swim lessons and he leaves them there are no natural consequences.  He learns that wow when I do not want the structure of the class I can go play.  I for one would choose that.   The natural consequences of not knowing how to swim is drowning and that is not an option.  So I have to make up a consequence so that he has something to learn from, therefore, in this case I take him away from several activities that he enjoys and so do I.  But I know that by using the consequences he is learning responsibility through them.  For me this is a loving act.  I am not permissive and I am not controlling.  If I am wrong here please let me know.


After rereading this I forgot to let my son know the most important reason that we are taking swim lessons.  I do not want him to drown.  There are many places in Florida that have water and he could accidentally fall into them so therefore he needs to know how to swim.  He may not understand the concept fully but I do need to let him hear that.

By the way this leads me to a fact before I go.  As I recall the fact is that 10,000 times more children die from drowning that they do from a guns.  Most of my friends have pools and I see the pools as more dangerous than if all of my friends had guns in their houses. 

With Love
Learning

    

Hi Learning,