Drowning

When I was about one, I actually did drown by falling into a bucket of water. I turned blue and stopped breathing and the whole bit. My father and a relative revived me, fortunately.

When I was about 5, we were visiting some family friends in Arizona and they had a pool. As I remember it, I jumped in to the deep end and to my surprise, went under, sucking up a bunch of water. I was literally drowning. In my panic and shear fear, I grabbed onto the only thing I could, the other family's little daughter, who was swimming nearby. She was probably about 3-4 years old, but a good little swimmer. I basically pulled her under to lift myself up to gasp for air. I can remember I only felt the fear and struggle just to breath one breath of fresh air as I was choking on water. Of course the little girl was now choking and drowning, too. She and I were pulled out and rescued by the adults. I remember I was scolded, and I felt ashamed at what I had done to this little girl. I never meant to hurt her.

It was a real situation and I can still recall the panic and instinct to do anything possible to get to air. As I am now in RL coaching, I have begun to shed some light on the pain and emotional panic I have been carrying. And I see how I have pulled others close to me "under" to try to ease the pain or panic in myself.

So it's true that when we are drowning, we don't even realize what we are doing to others. Its all about us. Learning about Real Love, the G&P behaviors, imitation love, etc., gives me hope and helps me see myself more and more truthfully. But there is one important difference. I am not scolded in this family.

And I am learning to not feel ashamed, but to love and be loved.

Thanks to all the coaches, conference callers, group members, Greg & Donna, all the Baers, and everyone else.

JayQ

HI JayQ,

Edited by RoknRob121 - 05 Jun 2008 at 7:18pm

JayQ,

Im enjoying going through all the posts, even though they may be old and wanted to take the opportunity to reply.