X wife and shoes

**always**

   Today my x wife dropped off our son at my house- he is almost 4.  I noticed he had some new crocs (shoes) on and I said those are some cool shoes.  Then my x said "oh we were at the park and the shoes were just sitting there and no one was around so since they fit him I let him have them."  I did not say anything, however, I was thinking that this did not teach him a lesson about ownership or love or responsibility.  I would not have let him take shoes since they were not his.  I would have explained that the shoes belonged to someone and the loving thing to do would be to either find the owner or put the shoes in a safe place where the owner might find them.  Actually, we could of had some fun with it.  He could have taken a picture with his camera and then we could have made a poster with the computer and then left some fliers at the park.  I assume I could still do this but then I would be might be overstepping my bounds as I did not make the choice to give him the shoes she did.  

I am not sure how to approach this situations any help would be greatly appreciated.

Love
Learning

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Learning Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Wise Person Joined: 16 May 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 110	Post Options Post Reply Quote Learning Report Post Quote Reply Topic: X wife and shoes Posted: 09 Apr 2008 at 9:38pm
	Today my x wife dropped off our son at my house- he is almost 4. I noticed he had some new crocs (shoes) on and I said those are some cool shoes. Then my x said "oh we were at the park and the shoes were just sitting there and no one was around so since they fit him I let him have them." I did not say anything, however, I was thinking that this did not teach him a lesson about ownership or love or responsibility. I would not have let him take shoes since they were not his. I would have explained that the shoes belonged to someone and the loving thing to do would be to either find the owner or put the shoes in a safe place where the owner might find them. Actually, we could of had some fun with it. He could have taken a picture with his camera and then we could have made a poster with the computer and then left some fliers at the park. I assume I could still do this but then I would be might be overstepping my bounds as I did not make the choice to give him the shoes she did. I am not sure how to approach this situations any help would be greatly appreciated. Love Learning

RoknRob121 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Visit Members Homepage Add to Buddy List Wise Person Joined: 04 Jul 2007 Location: Hilo, Hawaii Online Status: Offline Posts: 870	Post Options Post Reply Quote RoknRob121 Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 10 Apr 2008 at 4:33pm
	Wow Learning, What an interesting opportunity to demonstrate Real Love. ~ It's always about Real Love ~ Genuinely caring about your sons happiness without wanting anything for yourself in return. 1) You gotta give her props first of all-your ex-told the truth, she could have lied to you about them, instead she chose to be honest ~ So props to her, awesome truth-telling ~ that was an opportunity for you to see & accept her as she is, too. 2) You still have the opportunity to do what you said you can do, just for the fun of it. It's NOT over-stepping any boundaries, as you are capable of doing what you want when your son is with you~ that's your choice ~ 3) I believe your son is able to cooperate with you on this. You can give him an opportunity to participate in returning what doesn't belong to him and make it a fun thing, too. (the joy that will result from the other child getting his crocs back, will fill your son's bucket up immensely~as well as yours. Total win/win situation, here) Great Father/son activity. Happy for you, Learning. Sincerely, Robin
	~ I'm the one to call when you are ready to tell the TRUTH about it all~ 808-494-1505

RLP Angla Nin Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Real Love Coach Joined: 20 Nov 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 311	Post Options Post Reply Quote RLP Angla Nin Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 10 Apr 2008 at 7:10pm
	Hi Learning, What to do? Well, let's see; it's always about Real Love, caring for the happiness of another without any thought of what you might get in return. Your ideas are brilliant, really. And had you been the one to find the shoes it would have been a very loving thing to do for the owner, and a great example of how to love unconditionally a good lesson on responsibility for your son! However, you were not the one to find them, so you're now left with loving your wife in her choices and thereby able to teach your son the same lessons of loving and responsibilty with different circumstances. I hope that that made sense. You asked, would you be overstepping your bounds if you implemented any of your ideas and I'm going to respond to that by asking you a few questions. 1. If you were to do any of those things NOW, though all very good ideas, what do you think your wife would hear you saying to her? 2. What's more important; your wife feeling loved or the shoes being returned to the rightful owner. 3. How would doing any of those things contribute to the happiness of your wife and son? 4. What are some ways that you can love her now? And finally, good job on being quiet. How did that feel? Love you, Angela

RLP Angla Nin Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Real Love Coach Joined: 20 Nov 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 311	Post Options Post Reply Quote RLP Angla Nin Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 10 Apr 2008 at 10:45pm
	Learning, I've just read my post and because I write like I talk, it sometimes reads weirdly. I said, and finally, good job on being quiet. What I am meaning is..... And my last comment is, good job on being quiet. Love to you, Angela Edited by RLP Angla Nin - 10 Apr 2008 at 10:46pm