Suggestions for Changing Involuntary Behavior

Okay, here's a story to explain what I'm talking about.  This is only one recent instance of a behavioral phenomenon with me that I'm trying to resolve.

I seem to have a strong subconscious association with certain personality types and/or behaviors.  My boss's behavior triggers this.  He can be very aggressive when he wants something and I become involuntarily permissive/submissive when this happens.  This is causing difficulties that I don't know how to resolve, because my reactions seem automatic and unconscious.

The most recent occurrence was when I talked with him about a task I was to do and then set out to go do it.  Within about 10 minutes of me starting the task, he came out and yelled at me, acting like I'd done something wrong, but not explaining himself.  He just yelled for me to "Get moving already! (accompanied with some profanity and implications of my stupidity and laziness)".  I was confused by his behavior, but because he's known for doing things like this that don't always make sense, I just interpreted it as him saying that I wasn't working fast enough and simply picked up the pace of what I was doing... which seemed to satisfy him... until I encountered him again shortly thereafter.

His mood was entirely different this time... because I believe he realized that there was a misunderstanding the first time around.  I actually had two tasks on my to do list and in our conversation earlier, I obviously misunderstood which one I was to start first.  When he saw me the first time (when he had yelled at me), he thought I was being lazy because he expected me to be doing something entirely different, and he obviously didn't recognize in that moment that I was doing the OTHER task we talked about.  Because he didn't recognize this, he immediately judged my actions as irresponsible and got angry and aggressive instead of simply asking why I wasn't doing what he had asked me to do.

Okay... so I didn't like the way he did it for obvious reasons... but I'm not trying to change him.  I'm trying to change ME.  Knowing what I know about Real Love, I know the basic reasons for why I submit to his aggressiveness the way I do... but knowing about it and changing it seem like two entirely different things.  This is my fourth year working for this person and I thought I had made some progress with this, particularly since I came to understand Real Love this year... but this recent incident reveals that my "core programming" is still very much there and still very much involuntarily and automatic.  I instinctively submitted to him without question... my brain essentially shut off in reaction to his behavior... resulting in turning a potentially simple misunderstanding into a potential real problem.  Yes, leaving the job is one way to address this... but then I don't feel like I'm actually learning anything.  While I do believe that his behavior isn't the most effective, I feel that my own behavior actually makes it possible for his behavior to have a real lasting and truly problematic effect.  I am the problem here, not him.

Help!  How do I interrupt a behavior within myself that seems involuntary/subconscious?

Just to be clear, I began the process of Real Love about eight months ago... telling self-truth... at a pace and rate that seems appropriate to myself and my environment ( what I and those around me are capable of ).  I haven't formally done this with my boss yet... though I don't have any expectation of "Real Love" with a boss... so that's not what I'm focusing on.  I'm focusing on my own personal behavior... which, if I can change it, will make the interactions with my boss better.

The problem is that my behavior obviously makes things worse... and the effects are immediate.  The process of fixing this as described in Real Love takes a lot of time and effort.  While I have begun the process, I feel like every involuntary instance like the one I described above sets me back more than I have gone forward.  It is for this reason that I feel that I need a critical tool... something that can guarantee me the ability to interrupt my programmed instincts.




Edited by catt - 06 Oct 2012 at 11:38am

clairehooper82:  "I suggest you that start by listening in to some of the daily conference calls and tell some truths about yourself so you can really start to learn what it's all about and start to FEEL the acceptance and love that is available to you when you tell the truth about your mistakes, flaws and ugly behaviours."

*** I appreciate your desire to help.  I've been on some conference calls.  I found them ineffective... at least right now ( scheduling issues, among other things ).  I've been using this forum as the only place where I can reasonably and practically get access to the "community of people here ready to welcome you and lovingly help you".  Outside of the RealLove.com universe, I don't know anyone who is capable of fitting the role of a real love contact.


It's a start... but I need more.  I've been considering one-to-one options, such as a paid coach or an in-person intervention in Georgia, but both are financial commitments that I need to do some serious planning to accomplish.  In the mean time, I am on the hunt for some sort of method/tool/device/technique that may help improve my odds by assisting to interrupt my involuntary instinct behavior that causes difficulties in the short term... which, in turn, creates serious setbacks for the long term planning.  I've read about a drug that could help, but I'm interested in avoiding drugs unless they are the only option.

Another option presented itself today... meditation.  I was referred to an ebook download called "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying".  The wikipedia summary for the book says that it teaches "how to train the mind through meditation".  I am going to take a look at that and see what I find out.

Regards,
Cory