Impossible to talk to

Hi, I am at my wits because I have been going through the same motion with my husband many times over the issue that he hears but does not listen or that he fails to communicate when he doesn't understand and have the tendency to assume he understands even when he doesn't (which he doesn't take much attempts to ask me to explain). Which eventually always land us into huge argumentt leaving me exhausted and angry, him confused. More often than not, it ends up with him realising his mistake and saying sorry again and again. But always going back the same.

I am tired of explaining everytime where it doesn't seem to work because it takes out alot of me and he doesn't express that he doesn't understand and prefers to assume he does.

If there are any advice on how better I can handle this it would be appreciated, as of now I am at the point of giving up, even though knowing that communication is a very important element, my husband knows this too but he keeps making the same formula again and again.

My husband later admits he assumes that he is right even though he didn't find any information to support his claims. After exhausting me with all his "no" and recycling his idea even though its proven that it cannot work, I blew my top.

It has been always the case. He likes to assume things and always land us both into arguments. He will always apologise when he realise he's wrong but repeats the same cycle again. He is usually the reactive one while I am always proactive during a discussion of a problem, in which my explanations more often than not are based on actual facts I've come across.

We know communication is the key to gelling a relationship but at the rate it is going, it is practically leaving me emotionally and psychologically exhausted. I get worked up and angry time and time again. I do not know what to do anymore.

Everytime I try to explain from every angle I can, draw pictures, talk, explain by steps and he does that - does not make known when he doesn't understand, assumes he does and assumes he's still right - all in his head.

At this point I'm at my wits end. We were able to communicate when we were good friends, it is now simply impossible to do so without exhausting me. Sometimes it feels like it really took the kind of effort to demonstrate and illustrate, with pictures, drawings, mapping, more talking - its just exhausting.






Edited by DebFischer - 25 Jul 2012 at 3:55am

Hi Debbie,

*** Reading through your post, I felt the pain and exhaustion you feel as you interact with your husband. You’re husband doesn’t listen to you.  I feel  that no one really listens to you ! Do they?

 At this point I'm at my wits end. We use to be able to communicate when we were good friends, it is now simply impossible to do so without exhausting me. Sometimes it feels like I am talking to a 5 year old (sorry if I had to illustrate as that), simply because it really took the kind of effort to demonstrate and illustrate, with pictures, drawings, mapping, more talking - its just exhausting. 

We need help. He needs help. I'm so angry and hurt right now from all the similar lessons. I've come to the point I do not want to talk or discuss with him on matters anymore, I just want to do it myself. Which is a bummer, because we both know it will mean our communication will start to dwindle and break down. How can any relationship sustain without good communication?

I think I've done all that possibly is possible. I've tried so many ways. And its like I'm talking to a caring wall. Yes, he cares but he's just impossible to discuss with on important issues like this.

I'm so angry with him I practically feel like giving up. HELP!

 

*** would you be willing to do something different? –I’ll give you steps to take. They are simple – yet it will require faith and effort on your part because at the moment you feel like giving up.