How does real love deal with money?

Skypeid: Magicallad

   More than 9 months ago, my ex girlfriend ended our 6-year relationship. She told me that the major reason she did that is financial reasons and that she would stay if I can earn a certain amount of money a month. 

I read many books afterwards, including Real Love series, to find out what love is. I totally understand what Greg tries to tell us in his books. At the same time, I am confused about the relation between real love and MONEY. It was not dealt with in the books. 

Should I make enough money first before trying to find a unconditionally loving person? I am too afraid the next relationship would end due to the same reason. 

And she appears in my dreams almost every night. I guess that is because it has become my habit to think about her during the relationship and ever since. I don't know when my mind would just let go of the past. 

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youmustbelieve Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Group Member Joined: 14 Jun 2012 Location: China Online Status: Offline Posts: 15	Post Options Post Reply Quote youmustbelieve Report Post Quote Reply Topic: How does real love deal with money? Posted: 14 Jun 2012 at 4:09am
	More than 9 months ago, my ex girlfriend ended our 6-year relationship. She told me that the major reason she did that is financial reasons and that she would stay if I can earn a certain amount of money a month. I read many books afterwards, including Real Love series, to find out what love is. I totally understand what Greg tries to tell us in his books. At the same time, I am confused about the relation between real love and MONEY. It was not dealt with in the books. Should I make enough money first before trying to find a unconditionally loving person? I am too afraid the next relationship would end due to the same reason. And she appears in my dreams almost every night. I guess that is because it has become my habit to think about her during the relationship and ever since. I don't know when my mind would just let go of the past.

Magical Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Visit Members Homepage Add to Buddy List Real Love Coach Joined: 17 May 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 151	Post Options Post Reply Quote Magical Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 17 Jun 2012 at 5:51am
	Hello youmustbelieve, *I hope to help you feel and understand what real love is which leads to a happier life no matter the circumstances. More than 9 months ago, my ex girlfriend ended our 6-year relationship. She told me that the major reason she did that is financial reasons and that she would stay if I can earn a certain amount of money a month. * you’re saying that your ex ended the relationship because of financial reasons. Now that you have read real love series – Do you still think it is about money that your relationship ended? Should I make enough money first before trying to find a unconditionally loving person? I am too afraid the next relationship would end due to the same reason. * I understand what you are going through. And she appears in my dreams almost every night. I guess that is because it has become my habit to think about her during the relationship and ever since. I don't know when my mind would just let go of the past. * You have a yearning and a longing, and at the moment you don’t know any different way to overcome those feelings. You’re taking steps to change that. It takes time. I can promise you as you take steps in real love you will experience healing.
	Skypeid: Magicallad

youmustbelieve Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Group Member Joined: 14 Jun 2012 Location: China Online Status: Offline Posts: 15	Post Options Post Reply Quote youmustbelieve Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 17 Jun 2012 at 10:01am
	Thanks for the reply. Do you mean that "real love", other than the financial reasons, is what ends my relationship? But sometimes, you can not deny that life would not last well without the financial foundation.

Magical Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Visit Members Homepage Add to Buddy List Real Love Coach Joined: 17 May 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 151	Post Options Post Reply Quote Magical Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 18 Jun 2012 at 3:08am
	I was suggesting that you consider that it ended because of the lack of Real Love. In a relationship with real love, no matter what - the finances, illness, mistakes, and hardships the love and happiness grows. Your relationship lasted for 6 years. You say it is because you aren't earning enough. Have your finances changed - are you unemployed now, are you earning a lot less, are you unable to do the things that you did at the beginning of your relationship? How had your relationship developed over the 6 years?
	Skypeid: Magicallad

youmustbelieve Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Group Member Joined: 14 Jun 2012 Location: China Online Status: Offline Posts: 15	Post Options Post Reply Quote youmustbelieve Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 18 Jun 2012 at 4:20am
	I am earning a little more than before, but not as much as she expected me to make. Now that I am alone, I am managing to make more because I have a lot more time and freedom. And I realized that the eagerer you want to make your fortune, the less progress you make. Under the pressure and accusation from her, I was not able to do my job as well as I could and wanted.

youmustbelieve Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Group Member Joined: 14 Jun 2012 Location: China Online Status: Offline Posts: 15	Post Options Post Reply Quote youmustbelieve Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 18 Jun 2012 at 4:34am
	I stayed with my job for a long time because I loved it and was good at it. But I hadn't got a raise for a pretty long time. You know in China, it was impossible to ask the boss for a job. And it is just not the proticol. That is why she always asked me to find another job. So I tried some part time jobs, which paid not well. But I believed they would become sucessful some day in the future. All I need is some time and patience. She didn't believe it though. She wanted to see immediate cash at hand. At first, she didn't care much about it. But after she heard what her friends' husbands or boyfriends make, she demanded me to make more. I don't know if that is what women do. Edited by rlpkaren - 04 Jul 2012 at 8:25am

Magical Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Visit Members Homepage Add to Buddy List Real Love Coach Joined: 17 May 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 151	Post Options Post Reply Quote Magical Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 18 Jun 2012 at 10:34am
	You said earlier “I read many books afterwards, including Real Love series, to find out what love is.” Having read real love what is your understanding what Love is? From your last two posts you may be able to determine where your relationship was not based on unconditional love. I will endeavour to assist you through that if you need.
	Skypeid: Magicallad

youmustbelieve Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Group Member Joined: 14 Jun 2012 Location: China Online Status: Offline Posts: 15	Post Options Post Reply Quote youmustbelieve Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 19 Jun 2012 at 5:02am
	Thank you so much, Magical. Now I have come to understand what my relationship was based on. At some point of time, I kind of expected her to come back to me at any price. But now I realize that is breaching the rule of expectation. When I begged her to stay, I was acting like a victim and made getting behaviors. Before I blamed on her for the end of the relationship, but now I realized I should not have tried to control her behavior. Instead, it was I that couldn't give real love. My understanding of love is that real love starts with being accepted and accepting unconditionally. I am working on it by starting inside myself. I have read some Chinese books about adjusting the mindset, which is a good start. That is the difference between the Chinese people and the western. Real Love teaches us to go out to be accepted by people. Chinese tell us to turn to the inside for acceptance. Thank you for your assistance offer. I will ask questions when they come up.

Magical Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Visit Members Homepage Add to Buddy List Real Love Coach Joined: 17 May 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 151	Post Options Post Reply Quote Magical Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 20 Jun 2012 at 5:59am
	Now I have come to understand what my relationship was based on. At some point of time, I kind of expected her to come back to me at any price. But now I realize that is breaching the rule of expectation. When I begged her to stay, I was acting like a victim and made getting behaviors. Before I blamed on her for the end of the relationship, but now I realized I should not have tried to control her behavior. Instead, it was I that couldn't give real love. * nice start on truth telling and seeing things better - Hope you feel seen, feel accepted and feel loved for the way you behaved in your relationship. That is the healing power of real love. Now you can learn to do things differently so that you'll be happier and feel at peace! My understanding of love is that real love starts with being accepted and accepting unconditionally. * yes it does I am working on it by starting inside myself. I have read some Chinese books about adjusting the mindset, which is a good start. That is the difference between the Chinese people and the western. * yes that will help – I don’t think there is much difference in this case between Chinese and western. From my experience is that most people try doing it on their own effort only because it is safer than to trust that someone can love them unconditionally. The reason they do this is because they have been loved conditionally for so long and told that that it was unconditional – so it’s hard to believe after all those years of being told that “I Love you” which turned into "I don't love you" that you can find someone that can love you unconditionally. Real Love teaches us to go out to be accepted by people. Chinese tell us to turn to the inside for acceptance. * yes it does - what are you going to choose?
	Skypeid: Magicallad

youmustbelieve Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Group Member Joined: 14 Jun 2012 Location: China Online Status: Offline Posts: 15	Post Options Post Reply Quote youmustbelieve Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 23 Jun 2012 at 1:00am
	I have been thinking about this and realized that I should not only turn to the inside because I am not sure if I can love myself unconditinally. So I should also start to so something externally.