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Being a Victim |
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Happy 
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Joined: 05 Jun 2012 Location: Arizona Online Status: Offline Posts: 9 |
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 Topic: Being a VictimPosted: 05 Jun 2012 at 3:10pm |
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I tried listening to the Real Love CD's but most of them were bad about half way through. One part that I would like to know about was talking about "The Victim" What little I got was ME! But I would really like to know what else it said.
Could someone talk about this please? Thank you in advance. Happy
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rlpkaren
Real Love Coach 
Joined: 12 Nov 2007 Location: Virgnia USA Online Status: Offline Posts: 708 |
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Posted: 05 Jun 2012 at 3:22pm |
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What CDs do you have and where did you get them? Did you order them here? If so, you should send them back for replacements. If you got them elsewhere, sorry . . . .
Acting like a victim is a getting and protecting behavior. You can read all about the Real Love principles on line by going to the home page of the site: http://www.reallove.com From there, click on Learn More and then choose What is Real Love from the drop down menu. Good luck. Blessings, KarenH
Edited by rlpkaren - 05 Jun 2012 at 3:27pm |
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Learn from your mistakes and recognize that everything in life can be used as a lesson once you are willing to be teachable.
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Happy
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Joined: 05 Jun 2012 Location: Arizona Online Status: Offline Posts: 9 |
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Posted: 05 Jun 2012 at 3:34pm |
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Ii did get them here but it was over a year ago and I just now started to listen to them. I also bought several books but they were lost in a trucking accident, I just bought two more today...
I would love to send the CD's back to have them replaced but it states that it must be done within 30 days, it has been a bit over that... Its all good... What surprised my was that I did things that were considered playing the victim. Such as never asking for what I wanted, I would simply tell someone what I 'NEEDED" and let them respond. Either they offered to help or wished me luck. I found, with what little I understand, was that I was in fear of rejection, so I never put myself in that position. It just hurt too much to be told NO. It was easier for me to let it be their choice to help me and it did not hurt me if they did not offer. I did not hear NO. Make sense? Clear as mud?
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rlpkaren
Real Love Coach
Joined: 12 Nov 2007 Location: Virgnia USA Online Status: Offline Posts: 708 |
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Posted: 05 Jun 2012 at 3:56pm |
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Yeah, a year later is a bit long.
 I'll try and answer you, but it will make way more sense once you've read the books. You can also watch Module 1 of the Essentials for Free. Or listen to the archived material. All free. What surprised my was that I did things that were considered playing the victim. ***Amazing what we aren't aware of isn't it? Such as never asking for what I wanted, I would simply tell someone what I 'NEEDED" and let them respond. Either they offered to help or wished me luck. ***Great way to test people, eh? I found, with what little I understand, was that I was in fear of rejection, so I never put myself in that position. It just hurt too much to be told NO. It was easier for me to let it be their choice to help me and it did not hurt me if they did not offer. I did not hear NO. ***That's honest. And it never really works, does it? Protecting yourself all the time is exhausting. Hearing "no" only hurts because instead of no, what you really hear is "I don't love you". It also means you have issues with the Law of Choice. (Not a criticism, just observing.) And not uncommon. You're just empty honey. Every little no, every little rejection, even an observation probably feels painful. Without enough Real Love you're in pain all the time. Maybe you have trouble saying no to others as well. I'm sorry about your CDs. You might see if the store still sells "The Truth About Love and Lies". That was the first set I ever bought and it has a lot of information in just three CDs. Blessings, KarenH |
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Learn from your mistakes and recognize that everything in life can be used as a lesson once you are willing to be teachable.
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Happy
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Joined: 05 Jun 2012 Location: Arizona Online Status: Offline Posts: 9 |
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Posted: 05 Jun 2012 at 4:38pm |
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HaHa LOL, I NEVER say no. No matter what it is, even if I know its wrong if you ask me for help I just CAN NOT say no to you. You are very insightful. I appreciate that!
I know that I have been doing this my whole life. I must have wanted something in the worst way once and was told no and was devastated! I have no idea what it might have been, most likely about a horse but who really knows. My mother says that I was very demanding as a child and as the first grandchild on both sides of my family was spoiled by everyone! Well anyway, I have no idea what started it but I do know that I do not want to be a victim! Maybe you could help me with how to put what I want out there without playing the victim and learn how to take the No's in the world. You don't have to but if you will I would greatly appreciate it.
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rlpkaren
Real Love Coach
Joined: 12 Nov 2007 Location: Virgnia USA Online Status: Offline Posts: 708 |
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Posted: 06 Jun 2012 at 11:41am |
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Hi there Happy. If you don't want to act like a victim, start being aware of when you do. Write and post your questions and discoveries here. I moderate and try to answer most everything. Others also post.The ways to change behavior are many. Immerse yourself in the principles by reading all the things available here on the website. Read your books when you get them. Watch the archieves of Greg's Daily Coaching and Video Chats. Get on the free conference calls and tell the truth about yourself. You'll get to know people and can call them one-on-one. Hire a coach if that resonates with you. Take all the responses and feedback as information, because that's all it is. You will be supported by the Real Love community for sure. It's really always about Real Love and it's really up to each individual to find and share it. The more you put in, the more you'll get back. It just works that way.
 Love & hugs, KarenH Certified Real Love Coach
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Learn from your mistakes and recognize that everything in life can be used as a lesson once you are willing to be teachable.
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Happy
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Joined: 05 Jun 2012 Location: Arizona Online Status: Offline Posts: 9 |
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Posted: 06 Jun 2012 at 12:15pm |
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Thank you Karen,
As I mentioned before, it was a revelation to me that what I had done all my life was one of the victim MO's. I had no idea. I think there are other behaviors that I learned that may also be getting or protective behaviors, I just need to learn what they are so I can change my thinking and my responses as well. I try to be a good person, am very fair but also judgmental as times which I have learned is very wrong. I thought I was doing good and all I did was cause someone else pain. I regret that very much. So my question is: What other victim behaviors are there? I am sure there are many but I have no idea. Thank you in advance, Happy
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rlpkaren
Real Love Coach
Joined: 12 Nov 2007 Location: Virgnia USA Online Status: Offline Posts: 708 |
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Posted: 06 Jun 2012 at 1:11pm |
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Victims are everywhere and they say this: Look what you did to me, look what you should have done for me (and didn't), and it's not my fault. They believe they personally are being inconvenienced, injured or treated unfairly. They believe what they want or need is being withheld. They always believe that any mistakes involved are the fault of everyone else. We can be victims of circumstance, victims of other people, victims of the system, oh dear . . . the list goes on and on. If you want to study it at depth, Greg's book Real Love and Freedom for the Soul is devoted to the disease of victimhood.
Being a victim doesn't make you a bad person, just unhappy. Victimhood separates us (and you) from others and ruins relationships. There is no magic wand to wave and no way to make it go away in a hurry. No, just start being aware of what you do. Note it and then talk about it, write about it, make calls about it. Just note, "I'm doing it Again". With persistence it gets better. The same with lying, attacking, clinging, and running (the other getting and protecting behaviors). You can't change anything until you can see it. And keep your sense of humor about it too. Love, KarenH
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Learn from your mistakes and recognize that everything in life can be used as a lesson once you are willing to be teachable.
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Aguna
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Joined: 08 Aug 2012 Online Status: Offline Posts: 2 |
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Posted: 08 Aug 2012 at 3:30pm |
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Hello,
I am a new member and only started reading about RL today. I can see almost all types of getting/protecting behavious in me, but victim is the main one. It's HUGE. I do it all the time, but only with my husband. So I do recognize it, but I can't stop - I feel sooo sorry for myself. So my question is - it's easy to see, but how do you stop?
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rlpkaren
Real Love Coach
Joined: 12 Nov 2007 Location: Virgnia USA Online Status: Offline Posts: 708 |
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Posted: 08 Aug 2012 at 7:48pm |
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With a lot of hard work, beginning with a desire to change.
Love, KarenH
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Learn from your mistakes and recognize that everything in life can be used as a lesson once you are willing to be teachable.
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