mis-bevaviour/controlled behaviour

   just bought the kindle version of the parenting book just now...I have traded almost exclusively imitation love with my children!
I reached such rock bottom I can admit that straight out.

the second principle is when my child behaves badl he does not feel loved - 

what about the child that behaves perfectly through the use of control and fear - from the outside it might look good, but inside these children are just as frightened - 

I am sure this will be answered as I read the book but wanted to know perspective?

Thank you Letitia 

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Letitia Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Group Member Joined: 19 May 2012 Location: Devon Uk Online Status: Offline Posts: 36	Post Options Post Reply Quote Letitia Report Post Quote Reply Topic: mis-bevaviour/controlled behaviour Posted: 20 May 2012 at 12:45pm
	just bought the kindle version of the parenting book just now... I have traded almost exclusively imitation love with my children! I reached such rock bottom I can admit that straight out. the second principle is when my child behaves badl he does not feel loved - what about the child that behaves perfectly through the use of control and fear - from the outside it might look good, but inside these children are just as frightened - I am sure this will be answered as I read the book but wanted to know perspective? Thank you Letitia

RLL Stacey Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Group Member Joined: 14 May 2012 Location: N. Arizona Online Status: Offline Posts: 28	Post Options Post Reply Quote RLL Stacey Report Post Quote Reply Posted: 04 Jun 2012 at 10:58am
	Yup, being "good" is definitely a G/P behavior in that they are "performing" to gain your approval! Bravo to you for seeing the mistakes you've made in the past and that you are trying to do something different now. I "see, accept, and love you!" I know that I am right there with you and that it DOES get better, just realize that it is a learning experience and don't be too hard on yourself, how could you have known before without the knowledge and skill-sets you had been taught by your parents? I know exactly how it feels to be "good out of fear" from watching my dad throw my sister into the wall for mis-behaving, her head putting a hole into the sheet rock, then him turning to me and screaming "you learn a lesson from this." Yes, sir... We have a great opportunity to do something completely simple-to love and teach, breaking the cycle that has been taught to us... love Stacey Edited by RLL Stacey - 04 Jun 2012 at 10:59am
	"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -HH the Dalia Lama