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RoknRob121 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 17 Feb 2008 at 2:10am
Hi Tc,
I don't feel sorry for you at all and I don't envy you neither!
YOU came in here with your dillemna already- ALL we've been doing is addressing your concerns from a Real Love persepctive... C'mon now, What were you expecting???
How could you expect anything less than Real Love when you come into a Real Love Forum? 
 
Obviously, what you've been doing up until now hasn't been working else you wouldn't have come in here looking for help.  IF you was "all that," your man would not have to go out and look for Imitation Love outside of your relationship!  
 
 Obviously, the pain of being with you drove him into the arms of a prostitute. Can you honestly say you had nothing to do with his choice in that matter? I'd say you had a lot to do with it! It's totally understandable and you did the best you could in your condition of drowning, too
 
We are not required to do life perfectly-mistakes are a necessary part of learning!
 
 Had you been unconditionally loving, like you claim- he would not have a need to fill his emptiness & fears with another woman.    Suffice it to say, your kind of love drove him to do it.     Since he pays for love from you-with the trading of Imitation Love you both are gulity of doing- paying cash for one who doesn't have high expectations to love him was a more feasible solution to him than spending another day with you. How can you be mad at a drowning man? Would you like for him to drown more neatly? He's NOT drowning to you. It's the only choice he has to make to take the painfulness away. It really is sad.
 
Avoiding our questions only makes you look more desperate and in that condition, you are unable to feel the love we freely give to you. That's ok, too. I'm not seeking your approval or acceptance, I'm offering you a hand out of the water that you're drowning in.
 
What I learned from being a Child of God is that I am responsible for my own words, looks, thoughts & actions. In any relationship, I am responsible for meeting the needs of my partner - it's a gift I give because I Love him, which is what Real Love is.
 Real Love is the genuine concern for his happiness without wanting anything from him in return. Your "expectations" are keeping you misearble & unhappy.
 
You came in here looking for validation in your incessant need to be right and we are not gonna co-sign it for you.  That's not what we do here.
 
You have the choice to be more loving & happy- not go on & on about anyone else's inability to do what you want them to. That's just plain selfish!
 
*** This is not the first response I've given in this situation, it is a more loving, revised version***
 
Being that you've already made up your mind to be difficult, I will leave you with this blessing:Be it unto you according to your faith and may you be blessed and prosperous even as your soul prospers.
 
The aha moment you are waiting for is an illusion that you set yourself up to not experience cuz It can only happen when you are able to admit your faults, flaws, & mistakes the same way you confess it to God-so that we can see you for WHO you really are and accept and love you. When you can be honest about your uses of G & P behaviors, then we can be of usefulness to you.
 
I love you even when you're being difficult and not letting anyone love you unconditionally. Again, without any knowledge of Real Love and how one achieves the benefits thereof, you will always look like a drowning person to me-despite your desperate claims to the contrary.
 
Willing to love you and extend a helping hand to ya while you're drowning.
Sincerely, Robin


Edited by RoknRob121 - 23 Feb 2008 at 5:23pm
~ I'm the one to call when you are ready to tell the TRUTH about it all~ 808-494-1505
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Posts: 151 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Magical Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2008 at 2:14am

Tracey you came to the Forum with challenges and an unhappy relationship: -

 

The realtionship has alwasy been emotionally charged but I put it down to our challenges - death of my Father, demise of my partners business, 5 kids between us. Things have settled in the last 6 months but the monthly irrational episodes continue. I try to practise unconditional loving but when I need support or feel a wee bit negative then all hell breaks loose and I get loads of emotional abuse that shocks me deeply. I haven't reacted to these episodes recently but I have made it clear that they make me very sad and they really do


If I am to do as Greg says then I should stay and be loving no matter what.

 

*** Greg NEVER states that you should stay and be loving no matter what.

 

*** We’ve responded to you and you respond back with that you have no challenges and you have always been happy in all your relationships, even the past ones with all your ex-boyfriends :-

 

I do not feel afraid, empty or unhappy  Wouldnt waste my time stuck in unresourceful places and in unresourceful feelings. It isn't exhausting being me - I commit to higher standards so that I have the energy and the resources to do all thie thigns I want to do. On the other hand - this weekend I have been chilling out with my daughters and watching DVD's - lots and lots of laughing all the time. No sadness, no epmptyness and great fulfilment.

 

Either you want to understand, experience and feel Real Love or you don’t?

 

Entirely your choice?
Skypeid: Magicallad

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Posts: 14 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Top Cat Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2008 at 4:35am
Thank you Rob, Bless you - yes, we are all human.

Your need to be right about my flaws drove you to this unresourceful place but you dont know me and so you are not in a place to judge me (I never judge anyway - not even you for being defensive). If your pardaigm is that everybody needs to admit their selfishness before they can be saved then I bail out. I abhor the Cahtolic religion for the same reasons. I DO NOT need to admit to being broken because I have spent 20 years in therpay/caching 'fixing' and understnaidng my manipulaitve baheviours.

Be carfeul who you label as drowning ;-)

Thanks for trying to make me see that I am the one who is respnsible for Peter being in the arms of another woman. However that is complete boll**cks. I do love him and I will alwasy be his friend but I am not going to take the abuse any more. Saying that all people are good if only we can love them enough is like saying that all food is nutritious and healthy. Be discerning Rob and keep you mind open to ALL new possibilites.

You called me 'difficult' 4/5 times in your message. I only seem diffcult to you becase you are stuck in your own way of seeing the world and I ownt conform to your view of it

I like to practise the Buhdist philosophy of Beginners Mind - try it - it is a less stressful way to live.

Thanks for trying to help.

It has been interesrting being in here - it has helped me but not in the away you wanted or expected.

Blessings
Tracey
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Posts: 14 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Top Cat Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2008 at 4:47am
Thank you Coach.

Yes I came here because I needed to see that the ONLY thing to do was leave the pig. I am liberated!!

However, I have to say that if I had been listening to the majority of the coaching I have had on here - if I wasn't a strong person with a strong sens of my own values and beliefs I would still be in there trying to be perfectly loving so that he will change.

I do undersantd Real Love and happiness. It is EVERWHERE in my life. My greatest firneds - some of them are Minisiters (so not your average advice) have said I was mad to stay as long as I did. My friends are relieved that I have made that choice and have been fully suppotive of my weaknesses during the final stages of that realtionship.

My choice is to live fully and joyfully - being fully expressed and doing the best that I can do each and ever day.

YOu have helped me to see that I dont need help and that is a great blessing. Dont label me as 'drowning' just because I dont react the way that you expect me to.

You know that this is logical and true and I hope you are smiling as I am.

Peace
Tracey
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Posts: 14 		Post Options Post Options   Quote Top Cat Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2008 at 5:54am
This is for everyone on this forum - this is whay REAL LOVE looks like. This message was sent ot me by a friend
******************************************************
Gorgeous Tracey,



Thank you for sharing this with us and trusting us with such personal information. I am pleased that you are fine and would like you to remember it’s ok if you actually feel annoyed and frustrated too, as vunerability is also a strength…… {Lisa intervention video}



I for one am not completely surprised by this outcome and I am absolutely certain that it will serve you and you will move on to more rewarding sustainable passionate relationships.



When I spoke to Keith Cunningham and told him that I recently lost my business he said to me with a smile… Good for you!!



If there is anything that I can do to support you at this challenging time please do not hesitate to ask, I am certain that all the guys will feel the same way.



You are the Sovereign and you will manifest wonderful opportunities from this.



Love and blessings





From Jason.

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RLP Angla Nin View Drop Down
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Posts: 311 		Post Options Post Options   Quote RLP Angla Nin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2008 at 8:07pm

Hi

**Howdy
 
I have been in a relationship for 2.5 years.
 
**I see that you've got some investment of time here.
 
The realtionship has alwasy been emotionally charged but I put it down to our challenges - death of my Father, demise of my partners business, 5 kids between us.
 

**Most people who have "emotinally charged" relationships believe the same thing. They believe, or "put it down to" "things" like those you mentioned and other similar "things." They believe that that's the reason for the "emotional charge." It's a very common belief and also very untrue. We only have emtionally charged relationships because of an absence on the part of one or both partners to be loving. There really is no other reason.

 
**I know that this is true, as I've been in a thirty year marriage and have had more "charges" than you might be able to imagine. When I came to real love I thought that my relationship was in crisis because of what he did, or didn't do or because we had financial troubles, both or my parents died and so forth. I was a miserable wreck. Well, he still does this and that and the finances are still in need of repair, and so forth and so on but I'm no longer an emotional wreck. I've learned some truths that were previously hidden from me because I was blind with fear and anger, even when I was smiling, I was in pain. These principles, these truths have literally set me free so therefore I now know that the "things" were never the problem. I only thought that they were.

 

Things have settled in the last 6 months
 

**That's usually a sign that one or both partners are "getting" what they need, whether it's real love or imitation love from somewhere or someone. Or it could mean that one or both partners are "protecting" themselves by not facing issues, "running" which would also contributes to things feeling "settled."

 
but the monthly irrational episodes continue.
 

**I get it. This just means that either one or both of you are in need Real Love during those episodes and this is very common. It's life. We all are either giving or receiving love at all times. When we give real love, we feel happy and when we RECEIVE real love we're happy. I emphasize, RECEIVE because some times people don't receive the love that's being offered and remain miserable and angry. Some times they don't have faith that they're loved, some times they just don't recognize it when it's offered.

 
I try to practise unconditional loving
 
**I belive you.
 
 but when I need support
 

**Which is another way of saying, but when I feel empty and afraid, or when I feel a need to be loved....

 
or feel a wee bit negative
 

**Which again says, when I feel empty and unable to love.....

 
 
then all hell breaks loose and I get loads of emotional abuse that shocks me deeply.
 

**Yes, yes of course. You come to someone with your heart on your sleeve..."needing support" and they have nothing to give to you and can only then react to you with "emotional abuse." It does feels like hell. I've been there and done that for a hundred years and still do some times and it hurts every time.
 

**Would you like to learn how to avoid or drastically reduce this "emotional abuse" and "hell" in this relationship and future ones?

 
I haven't reacted to these episodes recently but I have made it clear that they make me very sad and they really do.
 

**Feeling sad is no fun.

 

**How and when did you make it clear that those episodes make you sad? Can you describe that? Can you give me a specific example of what you felt, what you said and how you said it?

 
MY partner is away at the moment and before he went my daughter said that he was talking to me with 'hate' in his voice.
 

**I'm sure that she heard him correctly. It's kind of hard to disguise our emotions, even though we think that we do.

 
Clearly he is a man drowning
 

**I have no doubt that you're right.

 
and I try to teach my children that he is only doing it because he is sad.
 

**While that's true, it runs much deeper than that. He's utterly afraid and empty. He feels alone and frightened like a little child in dark bedroom, hiding under the covers from shadows that he's sure are monsters coming to suck the very life out of him. Really. He's that afraid and feels that alone.

 

When he comes back he will be sorry

 

**Of course. He will have had some relief from what he perceives as threats real or not and therefore his need to protect himself will have decreased.

When he comes back he will be sorry and - our pattern is - I will forget the past and

and - our pattern is - I will forget the past and optimistically be 100% committed again 

 

**Exactly. It makes sense to me. And you do that, you forget the past and optimistically are %100 committed again,  for the same reasons that HE feels sorry. You've both had a "break." You both for the moment are not in pain, are not under attack real or not. Can you see that?

 

believing that it won't happen any more and hoping that we can maintain unconditional loving with honesty and integrity and handle our challenges in an emotionally mature way.
 
**Yes, in the absence of crisis, it's very easy to believe the best. It's easy to believe that all of sudden, without doing anything differently that we can expect different results. That's actually the popular definition of insanity. Without understanding the "why" of things however it's pretty unlikey that things can be corrected. We're pretty much doomed to repeat our mistakes when we don't know what they are.

If I am to do as Greg says then I should stay and be loving no matter what.
 
**Nah, Greg doesn't say that. We're not doormats and we don't have to stay in relationships with people who clearly have no interest in learning how to love us unconditionally, we can stay if we choose to of course but it's not a requirement by any means.  You CAN love someone and still choose to not be in a relationship.  However, it's important to know that if you leave and you're angry, then you ARE going to repeat the same pattern with someone else. He or she may push different buttons, but they will be pushed. Therefore BEFORE you leave a relationship, unless your life is physically in danger, it's a good idea to stay and learn to be as loving with THEM as you possibly can be because it will greatly increase your chances for success in the next one. Is this making sense to you? In the case of infidelity you could choose to stay but perhaps for a period of time choose not to be physically intimate while working on learning how to love unconditionally, getting it from people who have it and taking it back to your partner and he doing the same. I'm not saying stay or go, that doesn't matter to me, what I am saying though is that if you want to have a happy relationship with Peter or anyone else, then it would be wise to know a few things. Some questions you could ask are:
 
1. What went wrong with this one? What did he do?
2. How or in what ways did I contribute to troubles that we've had? What did I do?
3. Why did we do that.
4. What do I want to change?
5. What am I willing to do differently?
 


When is it not OK to do that
 
**If you're asking, when is it OK to leave, just read again what I wrote above. If you're asking something different, then my bad, I've missed the question.
 
 and how do you know when 'drowning' becomes abuse and draw boundaries?
 
**Well let's see....this is a good question and I'm hesitating here because I'm not completely sure how best to answer you. It's a big question. Let me say this; People are drowning around us all day everyday,  the driver who yells at you because you cut him off, the sales clerk who's clearly agaitated as she's popping gum and yellling NEXT,  the child who comes home from school and stomps up the stairs and slams the door to their room and also the man who pays for sex. These are all examples of people drowning and they're all forms of abuse. There's no bell that rings to let  you know when enough is enough. You really do get to choose that for yourself. For some people their ability to love uncondtionally is so great that they could live with Atillah the Hun and be happy and for others, living with Bambi might be a strain. So you see, it's really about you. It's about how much Real Love you have.  What you want to make sure of for the sake of your own happiness is that you're loving unconditionally the best that you can and to take responsibility for the ways that you don't love unconditionally,  becuase it'll be then that you can work on being more happy......more of the time. Our happiness is not based on what other people do or don't do, it's based on how loving we are.
 
**About boundaries, let me quote straight from the book, Real Love for Wise Men and Women pages 250-251:
 
When I state that we can always choose not to participate in a conflict, someone invariably says, "So sometimes I just have to set boundaries with my partner, right?"
 
No. It is healthy when we make choices not to participate in a conflict in that case, we feel self directed-and even loving, when we "set boundaries," however, we're reacting to the behavior of others instead of making our own decisions.  We're also defending ourselves, which promotes a feeling of fear.  You need to remember that with the exception of occasions when you're physically in danger, other people can't really hurt you if you feel loved, so you rarely need "boundaries." If the the Real Love you have is not sufficient for a particular situation, you can choose to withdraw from it becuase it would be unproductive, which is quite different from running or otherwise using Protecting Behaviors in response to your fear.  Don't protect yourself with boundaries. Simply make your own choices about what you will or will not do.

**I hope that this has helped you some. 
 
Love to you,
Angela
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Posts: 311 		Post Options Post Options   Quote RLP Angla Nin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2008 at 8:17pm

Tracey I have correction. In typing my quote to you from the book, I realize that I left off a period or two and that makes the entire sentence just weird. So here's what it should read:

No. It is healthy when we make choices not to participate in a conflict. In that case, we feel self directed-and even loving. When we "set boundaries," however, we're reacting to the behavior of others instead of making our own decisions.

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Posts: 870 		Post Options Post Options   Quote RoknRob121 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2008 at 8:43pm
Hi TC,
LOL I am laughing, now...Your response was so predictable...Victim.
Your inability to listen to instruction from a Real Love Perspective...Victim.
Your definition of the solution for yourself...victim, victim, victim  and therefore ~ drowning ~
That's ok- you  have that right-to suffer the consequences of your own choices.
Isn't that what brought you to our doorstep in the first place?
 
Confused Why make us a part of your drama, if you are going to resist what Real Love suggests?
You're the one with the problem and doomed to repeat the same mistakes over & over again. We are here to offer you a solution and are willing to refund ALL of your misery back to you, Free of charge. 
You may have the results of your own choices, surface in all your relationships, no matter what your spiritual beliefs are. The end result will be the same and you may have ALL of it.
 
Shocked It makes no sense to come into a Real Love Forum (where Real Love is the Rule)
If you've already made up your mind to experience future failures.  
You make yourself look more like a victim, selfish, inconsiderate, irresponsible and far more foolish than all of us ~ the difference is, we can admit it and feel loved unconditionally in spite of our mistakes, faults & flaws. Tongue That's the Real Love difference!
 
Your denial keeps you Angry angry, Cry lonely, Shocked fearful and stuck in Victim mode Cry.
 
No one in Real Love is willing to join you on the Field of DeathDead , while we live Free on the Field of Life Big%20smile
In this equation, only you lack the one ingredient essential to growing more loving & happier. That's your loss.Ouch
 
The One Sovereign we have is the supplier of the Unconditional Love we are offering to you, freely.  My dear, we all fall short of it.  The key difference is, we've thrown OFF the chains that keep us bound when we hide our mistakes or lie about making them, by telling the TRUTH about our uses of G & P's.
 
The way I see it,  the Unconditional Love we give to you is a gift-you have a choice... to receive it or give up your only chance for happiness in this life, by rejecting it.
You got what you got, cuz you did what you've always done.
 
It's pretty stupid to continue doing the same things over & over again and expecting a different result, don't you think?  Making mistakes is a necessary part of learning & growing.
You can't do either until you can accept that you will be making lots & lots of them.
As far as I'm concerned, IF you can't bring love into any relationship, why have one anyway? You can't give what you haven't got.
 
You offer me nothing that I need or want-because IF you are an indication as to the kind of person I will become...lady you is way too late! I done left the woman you are now, way behind me to become the more loving & happier ME, that I am today.
 
 ~I'd rather have Real Love,  where TRUE Freedom is (something which you chose to never experience) than be to stuck on stupid, anyday~
 
I can still love you- The reason why-cuz I was once there myself and chose a better way in Real Love.
 
Remember, You came in here looking for help.
So, while you're here, why don't you read the rest of the posts, view Greg's Top Ten, view the Essentials of Real Love on-line, check out the previous videochats & daily coaching videos in the archives to learn about the Real Love Difference-IF not, go on your merry way.  No harm, no foul.
You wasted all those years & $$$ on therapy and this is the best you've become?!
What a waste... You should be mad at what it cost you to be as miserable & unhappy as you are.  Again, that was your choice and you have no one else to blame but yourself.
 
Sincerely,
~ Robin ~


Edited by RoknRob121 - 21 Feb 2008 at 4:07am
~ I'm the one to call when you are ready to tell the TRUTH about it all~ 808-494-1505
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