Love me and leave me
Joined: 02 Nov 2010
Location: North Carolina
Online Status: Offline
Topic: Love me and leave me
Posted: 21 Jan 2012 at 10:35pm
I read this book after I began dating my boyfriend. The book makes sense and I have tried to implement it into my life. However, getting rid of my old habits has taken some effort. I continue to push forward and change.
The more I change, the more my boyfriend shows his getting and protecting behaviors. I realize that is the only love he knows, but it is getting difficult to stick with him through this. He believes that there should be no discussion regarding our relationship and he just disappears with no communication for weeks at a time. He returns as if nothing has happened.
I realize he has been treated this way in his life, but when do I get to the point where I put my foot down and stop feeling like a doormat? A part of me wants him to know that I still love him even through all of this. Feeling new at this, I don't know what the best action is. Do I still tell him I love him or just wait until he finishes with his running away? Do I continue to accept him back as if nothing happened? How do I tell him lovingly that you don't treat people like this?
I need help.
Joined: 04 Jul 2007
Location: Hilo, Hawaii
Online Status: Offline
|Post Options Quote Reply Posted: 26 Jan 2012 at 3:59pm|
Hi tbaby1, Lotsa questions are good! Means you're willing to learn how to love him, Unconditionally
and begin your TRUTH-telling process.
You're absolutely loved & accepted while you're learning this stuff.
It isn't rocket science-people don't feel loved, I get it.
How do we convey a clear messgae of love to someoen who is empty & fearful?
We just stay with them, accept them with all their faults and lead by example.
You'll discover as you tell the TRUTH about your faults, flaws, fears & mistakes
he will feel safe enough to tell his truth <small ones at first>
As he sees that you love & accept him as he is, he will notice your peacefulness
something he probably hasn't seen or experienced in months <I'm just guessing>
Real Love works when you become more loving in this priocess.
Don't give up telling the TRUTH with us
and don't give up telling your truth to him.
How do I tell him lovingly that you don't treat people like this?
You don't. You give him little doses of Love as a gift freely given
and you keep yourself full of love & acceptance in order to continue
gifting him with your time, attention & acceptance. Make sense?
One of my favorite Pearls says," One ounce of effort I make to changing me is more worthwhile than a ton of effort I put into changing others." That made sense to me when I needed it.
Your happiness is at the end of all of this,
~ Robin ~
~ I'm the one to call when you are ready to tell the TRUTH about it all~ 808-494-1505
Real Love Coach
Joined: 12 Nov 2007
Location: Virgnia USA
Online Status: Offline
|Post Options Quote Reply Posted: 27 Jan 2012 at 9:08pm|
Hello there tbaby1. Everytime your boyfriend disappears for weeks at a time or shuts you out, you are receiving a huge "I don't love you" message. And he doesn't. He can't love you because he doesn't have it to give. You are only just learning and it's not likely that you have considerable Real Love to give either. Expectations are huge on both your parts. You want the relationship to be different than it is--understandably. Nobody likes to hear "I don't love you." I do agree with Robin in that you can't change your boyfriend or make him to anything.
Since you're not married to your boyfriend, you have to decide whether you want to stay in a relationship that has already proven to be unloving. You can't force the relationship to succeed. Just observe whether it could become what you want (loving), and if not, let it go. Greg says that developing a healthy relationship is difficult enough--why work on one that is seriously flawed when you could start over with better tools and a partner more willing and able to participate in a relationship based on Real Love? You don't have to learn Real Love alone. There is a whole community of people out there willing to love you and help you learn.
Certified Real Love Coach
Learn from your mistakes and recognize that everything in life can be used as a lesson once you are willing to be teachable.
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