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osha 
Wise Person 
Joined: 21 Aug 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 162 |
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 Topic: MistakePosted: 10 Dec 2011 at 11:21am |
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Hi, This seems like a little thing, but for some reason I am suffering over it. It seems obvious but I can't talk myself out of it.
I ordered a pair of roller skates for my daughter, and I ordered the wrong size, now i have to pay to send them back and order another pair. I could do it today, it will take me 20 minutes and 20$, but I am stuck in victim about it. It feels like the little string that is pulling on all the stresses of the holiday. Oh, I guess that brings me to the other stresses, I am taking Zoe to visit her dad and my family, I feel like I should be able to do it no problem, but I am pretty nervous about it. Plus, today Zoe has a friend over and there are moments when she acts like a total tyrant, controlling things and not sharing. I feel disappointed and angry, then ashamed. Thanks Osha |
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DeathereX
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Joined: 21 Jun 2011 Location: Norway Online Status: Offline Posts: 29 |
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Posted: 10 Dec 2011 at 2:16pm |
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Oh, I guess that brings me to the other stresses, I am taking
Zoe to visit her dad and my family, I feel like I should be able to do
it no problem, but I am pretty nervous about it.
I am thinking we are afraid to confront people because we want to impress them, what do you think? Plus, today Zoe has a friend over and there are moments when she acts like a total tyrant, controlling things and not sharing. I feel disappointed and angry, then ashamed. If she isn't sharing she doesn't feel loved in that moment. She needs to be filled up to have something to share, not in more toys, but more love. Has her right to have her own belongings, or her law of choice been violated lately? Love to you Sølve Edited by DeathereX - 05 Jan 2012 at 6:42pm |
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RLP Angla Nin
Real Love Coach 
Joined: 20 Nov 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 311 |
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Posted: 15 Dec 2011 at 5:24am |
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Hi,
**Hi honey
This seems like a little thing,
**It's not little if it's bugging you.
but for some reason I am suffering over it.
**So it's really NOT little.
It seems obvious
**Only to those who can see.
but I can't talk myself out of it.
**that rarely works.....tried to do this for years!
I ordered a pair of roller skates for my daughter, and I ordered the wrong size, **s***s happens. ;)
now i have to pay to send them back and order another pair.
**Got it.
I could do it today, it will take me 20 minutes and 20$, but I am stuck in victim about it.
**Beating yourself up?
It feels like the little string that is pulling on all the stresses of the holiday. **Holidays like "anydays" are stressful when we fill our minds with expectations. That's ALL that's going on. Expectations ruin relationships; even with holidays. We forget that we don't HAVE to celebrate it this or that way, or at all. We get to choose. It's so easy to set your own traditions we have that LIBERTY but don't realize it. I, for one cook on the grill on Christmas eve when I want to. This year was the first year we had a turkey for Thanksgiving in over 12 years. One year we did all seafood, then pizza. I suggested cold cut sandwiches this year but was out voted.....hey the sky is the limit. Have some fun. Put your spin on it. One year I celebrated a week later. WHO CARES? It's a day to love. That's the most important thing of all.
Oh, I guess that brings me to the other stresses, I am taking Zoe to visit her dad and my family, I feel like I should be able to do it no problem, but I am pretty nervous about it. **What are you nervous about honey? They're not going to bite you, really. And no matter what you do or don't do, or do wrong or do right, they're going to have their opinions about it and they're entitled to that, just like you are entitled to your opinion of whatever they do right or wrong. Agreed? One day I was worrying about something and I caught myself thinking, " I just don't want her to think...whatever." and then it dawned on me that I can't control my OWN thinking let alone someone else's? Then I thought....."I just don't want her to think....and before I could finish that statement I LOL because I realized what I was THINKING to myself.... "I just don't want her to THINK???....period." How useless of a thought is that? Give me a break, right?! I'll NEVER be free as long as I'm wanting that impossible situation. WE THINK. That's what we do, everyday, all day, even when we're sleep. We have an opinion about EVERYthing. And come to think about Osh, when we don't want people to think that is the epitome of arrogance and fear on our behalf and it's kind of like wishing the other person was dead. We think. It rains. The sun comes up. We live we die. As karen put it the other day to me, we pick things up and put things down. That's what we do. THOUGHTS come. We get to CHOOSE which ones to dwell on and which ones to dismiss. How about looking at these family members and being happy that they exist at all.....
Plus, today Zoe has a friend over and there are moments when she acts like a total tyrant, controlling things and not sharing. I feel disappointed and angry, then ashamed. **Well it's only VERY natural to be bothered by that kind of behavior when you're in pain yourself honey. You've learned over the years with a few whacks no doubt, how NOT to behave in public as she does now and you've also learned how to behave like her in a "grown up" way. No big deal. You're both loved to the nth degree and beyond. You can lose the disappointment, anger and shame. You haven't done anything wrong. No one is coming to arrest you and you haven't hurt anyone. Don't worry, be happy.
Thanks Osha **Anytime. Love you honey,
Angela
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Certified Real Love Coach~
amurray@reallove.com |
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osha
Wise Person
Joined: 21 Aug 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 162 |
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Posted: 15 Dec 2011 at 12:22pm |
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Ah, sweet Angela, warmed my heart. Thanks for all you shared, I am loving learning.
I also love how LOL stands for "laugh out loud" and "lots of love"  (some day's it the little things!)Glad your here. Love Osha Edited by osha - 15 Dec 2011 at 12:23pm |
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rlpkaren
Real Love Coach
Joined: 12 Nov 2007 Location: Virgnia USA Online Status: Offline Posts: 708 |
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Posted: 15 Dec 2011 at 4:15pm |
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Hi, This seems like a little thing, but for some reason I am suffering over it. It seems obvious but I can't talk myself out of it. ***Like Angela says, anything that continues to bother us is important—whether or not we think it should be. If you’re anything like me, it’s easy to get caught up in “I shouldn’t be feeling (fill in the blank)” because I should know better or (fill in the blank). Lots of shoulds, eh? ***Yep, I hear you. Mistakes can be expensive, time-consuming, and if we are feeling the least empty, very stressful. And if we have all of those huge expectations that Angela talks about, we’re doomed and guaranteed to feel victimized. When money is tight, $20 is a lot of money. But we lose sight of the fact that we get to choose what to do. Mostly we’re so focused on what we should be doing or think we should be doing, that we forget the choice part of the equation. ***There’s still a lot of baggage there and history too. Angela’s right. There will be lots of opinions flying around (yours and theirs) and lots of EJFR stuff because of the history. Change your judgment about it and you’ll change your feelings too. Examine the judgments! ***She really does get to not share her things. Do you remember the story in the parenting book about the boy who wouldn’t share his new truck? Would it be nice if she was magnanimous and wanted to share? Sure. But we’re back to expectations about how she and you should behave. What she does reflects on you (in your thinking). Osh, you are very loved and so is she. It’s okay. You don’t have to be perfect and she doesn’t either. Love you tons, KarenH |
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Learn from your mistakes and recognize that everything in life can be used as a lesson once you are willing to be teachable.
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osha
Wise Person
Joined: 21 Aug 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 162 |
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Posted: 16 Dec 2011 at 1:21pm |
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Hi Karen,
Thanks for your note. Thanks for the reminder to look at my judgements, sometimes I start feeling better, loved and happy (great for the short term) and forget to do the work, looking at EJFR, reading the parenting book, noticing expectations (better for the long term). Love you, a bunch. Love Osha |
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