Failure & spankings again

I started spanking my children again, I was proud of stopping and trying very hard not to hit, I know I didn't like to be spanked, I have gotten overwhelmed with the feeling of powerlessness that I was feeling & living in regard to my children. It was like the more I was trying, hurting & not spanking the more out of control they started to get, mouthing off, going into others things at school, getting suspended, not doing class work, or homework, just mire challenges, my consequences other than spanking they seemed to laugh at.

They literally smiled and grinned at doing jumping jacks or writing lines, it was becoming more of a nightmare. I then snapped in anger a few months ago and went back to spankings, my 12 and 11 year old started leaving the area they are to stay in when outside. I got vey angry at the defiance & disobedience & the fear of something happening to them as I was looking for them, it was intensely painful.

I also was really lonely and hurting at being alone. I'm so tired of being single and without someone special in my life. I don't want to spank them, but my children are responding to them, my 9 year old is now almost one year behind in school, is now working in school again. I don't know how to teach them and have them prefer and respect discipline other than spanks, I have minimal confidence in my having the power and respect from them, I'm not lying to myself, I know the belt has all the respect and power. I'm lonely, exhausted, feeling quite powerless, hoping I can change our life in this new home I'm moving to.


Edited by RebeccaE - 26 Nov 2011 at 11:55am

I'm tired if spankings, yelling and kids not behaving, it seems the more I try to stop the worse they get! Caught my son stealing money out of my coin savings last week, taking cellphone hasn't stopped him from making unloving choices, I couldn't give them allowance recently so he started demanding it by stealing. I'm tired of failing at teaching them love, responsibility and consideration of others hearts and feelings, especially mine. I usually scream as the pain of their unloving acts, physically hurts my heart, I am embarrassed that I can't get thru to them, just depressed over it too, thanks.