A Real Love story

 

Need to tell my story and any feedback is welcome.

 

February 2010 was the lowest point of my life.  My huband and I had lost all semblance of love.  He was very insecure, controlling, and emotionally abusive.  I do not deal with conflict and buried my heartache, anger, and unhappiness deep within myself.  Right or wrong, after years of this I looked outside my marriage to find some kind of peace, a sliver of happiness.  I found all this and more in a new man.  He too was in an abusive marriage and knew there was someone better for him.

 

We met online (of course) spent many hours in conversation, both written and phone and knew we were meant to be.  We could tell each other ANYTHING and EVERYTHING and we did.  We trusted, respected, and loved each other very much.  We both read the book Real Love and were shocked that what came so naturally to us never exisited with anyone else.  Parents, siblings, friends, current spouses... no one had ever given us this amazing gift of true unconditional love.  It's truely a lifechanging experience.  The pure joy that real love creates is indiscribable.

 

I separated from my husband shortly after we met and he had plans to do the same, but was diagnosed with Leukemia in Oct 2010.  He suffered through chemo all winter and I saw very little of him due to pain and sickness.  We continued to email and our love continued to grow stronger and stronger throughout this difficult time and made plans for our new future together when he got well. 

 

Unfortunately, in April he got a huge infection and passed April 21, 2011.  I couldn't be with him when he died and was devastated and still am... this thing called grief is a hard pill to swallow.

 

I come to you all asking for your help with another aspect of Real Love.  Throughout the winter my husband realized he was losing me and made great strides in improving himself.  He is in therapy, found religion, and stopped drinking.  He has become a person I can love again, and enjoy being with, except I find myself holding back emotionally and physically. (Which as a woman is the same thing...) I don't want to hurt him and am back to the marriage, but forgiveness and real love are hard work.  Any suggestions?  I am willing to work hard as he has and make this marriage a good one.

 

Thanks so much for reading.  Hope it makes sense.