I feel incapable of loving.

I have been studying the real love book, and it has helped me a lot to learn about the mistakes that i'm making and how to stop them. The problem is that i always blow it and in the moment of argument i know that i am wrong to even be disappointed, but i cant find a way to stop myself from insulting him and being horrible, and the worse thing is that i know that he loves me unconditionally, but i seem uncapable of returning that real love even if i have the world's biggest determination. I know everyone makes mistakes in the way to learn, but i feel frustrated and incapable of loving and i feel im making too much mistakes for it to be normal. I feel like i'm a hopelesss case. I'm very young. I have had a relationship with him for almost a year and a half. We are determined to make this relationship very serious and lasting. But as i have deeply studied the book, i havent been capable of doing much of what greg advises. For example, i always feel uneasy when he gets invited to parties and i always asked him not to go. Yesterday i realized that if he stayed home he was not going to be offering it freely and i would feel guilty and empty if he stayed. I spoke to a friend that advised me to let him go because it was an opportunity to make the relationship grow. I analized the circumstances and i felt strong and determined. I told him: "I want you to go to that party, enjoy and have lots of fun. I want to love you and i am conscious that i asked for tests so i could exersice my patience, and this is one of those tests i asked God for. Im not going to argue if you go." I felt so strong and positive! He went to the party and i was extremely happy and pleased that i could achieve such a big step. Then later he told me he was going to arrive home in a few minutes, and he took a lot to get home. when i called him, he was still at that party, so i began to get really angry because it always makes me angry when he says hes gonna do something and acts different from what he said he would do. Then he told me that it was better for him not to go out because everytime he did, we had a problem. We had a very long argument in which i insulted him horribly and blamed him for every single bit of my anger. In the moment i knew deep inside that i was very wrong but i had a very compulsive state of anger and i ignored my conscience. I feel terrible now, because he showed himself very calm and very loving even when i was being a monster. He said "I love you, and im gonna be here for you until i see there is no hope for us. And i have seen hope because you have been able to change some things". But even when he sees hope in the darkest moments, i feel like i was made incapable of loving. I felt guilty whe he said he would quit everything if i asked him to, just to make me happy. I said that i don't want him to quit anything, that the only thing i wanted was for him to stick up to what he said he would do, or simply just not to tell me anything. I feel horribly guilty and i just feel that he will get tired of me. I want to make this relationship work. But i keep making so many mistakes! I need help.

Thank you Robin,
It is a little hard for me to reach the conference calls because i live in Puerto Rico and it will cost. Nevertheless, i feel happy that i can be accepted for ho i am, even when the first thing a wise person sees from me is my flaws. I completely understand that being possitive is a tool for reaching this beautiful goal. I exersice positivity even though i aknowledge that i will make mistakes. But i am letting go of my fears. Thi person loves me and already sees hope in me. I am completely determined to make him happy and get rid of this emptiness while i build a solid relationship. THANK YOU!

I have been studying the real love book, and it has helped me a lot to learn about the mistakes that i'm making and how to stop them. The problem is that i always blow it and in the moment of argument i know that i am wrong to even be disappointed, but i cant find a way to stop myself from insulting him and being horrible,

Hi Lule,

We have a conference call every Tuesday at 2pm est that you can access on Skype which is free. The details are in the Schedule - free Conference Call part of this forum. Maybe see you on Tuesday

Pete