Real Love Forums http://www.reallove.com/forums/ This is an XML content feed of; Real Love Forums : Last 10 Posts Thu, 17 May 2012 04:56:10 +0000 Wed, 16 May 2012 23:35:05 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Web Wiz Forums 9.71 30 www.reallove.com/forums/RSS_topic_feed.asp Real Love Forums http://www.reallove.com/forums/forum_images/forum_header.jpg http://www.reallove.com/forums/ Parenting : 9 yo acting out... http://www.reallove.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=1183&PID=5462#5462 Author: osha
Subject: 9 yo acting out...
Posted: 16 May 2012 at 11:35pm

Hi Stacey,

First step is just to see it, it sounds like you do. The more loved you feel the easier it will be to explain things to your daughter. Do you have people to talk to?

It sounds like from your other post your daughter may not be going?

Love Osha



]]> Wed, 16 May 2012 23:35:05 +0000 http://www.reallove.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=1183&PID=5462#5462 General : Need help with letting go of behaviors... http://www.reallove.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=1184&PID=5461#5461 Author: osha
Subject: Need help with letting go of behaviors...
Posted: 16 May 2012 at 11:26pm

Hi Stacey, 

I see ya, you are in the thick of it. Keep showing up and telling your truth, it will get easier.

Love Osha
]]> Wed, 16 May 2012 23:26:18 +0000 http://www.reallove.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=1184&PID=5461#5461 General : Need help with letting go of behaviors... http://www.reallove.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=1184&PID=5460#5460 Author: RLL Stacey
Subject: Need help with letting go of behaviors...
Posted: 15 May 2012 at 8:52pm

Hello Wise people,

I am stuck in behaviors right now of Expectation, Victimhood and Attacking. My soon-to-be  ex just sent a letter today stating that he will not be exercising his  parenting rights to have our daughter with him for the summer, as we had agreed in our parenting plan. I am stuck thinking about the expectations I STILL have on him of what a "good  father" is supposed to be. I am  also thinking of how dare he do this to me and our daughter, how I have to always clean up the emotional mess left behind by his decisions. I also want to attack him and tell him what a piece of garbage I think he is, and much, much worse that I won't post, but you might be able to infer. He hasn't given any explanation or reason, just a 3 sentence note, and I KNOW he doesn't HAVE to give an explanation  either.

I am having a difficult time coming to terms with the Law of Choice that he has. I know it's  all in my head,that he is in another state and hasn't done anything TO ME, but it's just hard to get over without being  seen right now.

I hope some of you can see me....

Unhappy

Stacey

]]> Tue, 15 May 2012 20:52:34 +0000 http://www.reallove.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=1184&PID=5460#5460 Parenting : 9 yo acting out... http://www.reallove.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=1183&PID=5458#5458 Author: RLL Stacey
Subject: 9 yo acting out...
Posted: 14 May 2012 at 10:16pm

Hello!

I am 3 months into learning Real Love, and am just finishing the RL in parenting book. My 9 year old  daughter is acting out against her Nana, who tries to control her by buying clothes she doesn't like, guilt-tripping her for not calling/face-timing her enough, etc... (this is my ex-husband's mother)

My daughter is going to visit her Nana for the summer with her father. How do I go about talking to her about her Nana's getting/protecting behaviors and how to handle them? At the moment my daughter is getting/protecting/attacking by saying not-so-nice things about her Nana as well as acting like a victim (look what Nana is doing to me). I want to break this cycle of victimhood and  teach my daughter but don't know how to go about it.

I have a background in Early Childhood Education and have worked on "I" messages, but that to me after reading RL just drowns in victimhood....

Thanks Wise people!

With love,
Stacey

  
]]> Mon, 14 May 2012 22:16:08 +0000 http://www.reallove.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=1183&PID=5458#5458 Miscellaneous : Greetings! http://www.reallove.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=1182&PID=5457#5457 Author: RLL Stacey
Subject: Greetings!
Posted: 14 May 2012 at 9:08pm

Hello to you all out in the Universe...


I am new to the forums, been a Real Love Learner (RLL) for 3 months now! It was an easy jump to make after studying and trying to practice mindfulness and  loving-kindness in Buddhism, but I am a Unitarian Universalist, so all knowledge and experiences towards my enlightenment are  welcome to me no matter the source of wisdom...


So far I have read Real Love, RL in Parenting, RL in Dating, RL and Freedom of the Soul, and am working on Power of RL. RL companion and RL in Marriage are next on my list!

I hope to learn  and grow with all of you wonderful Wise people on here!

Namaste and Love,


Stacey


]]> Mon, 14 May 2012 21:08:47 +0000 http://www.reallove.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=1182&PID=5457#5457 Dating : Dating and behaviors... http://www.reallove.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=1181&PID=5456#5456 Author: RLL Stacey
Subject: Dating and behaviors...
Posted: 14 May 2012 at 7:53pm

Hello!

I am brand-new to the forums and have been a RLL (real love learner) for about 3 months now, ever since the man I am dating offered for me to read the RL in Dating  book.  Since  then I have devoured that book, Real Love, RL and Freedom of the Soul, RL in Parenting, and am now on Power of RL and am awaiting the RL Companion any day now.

Some background (trying not to be "victom-y", just info  sharing) I am seperated after being with my soon-to-be-ex for 12 years (married for 7 till  the papers are finalized), 1 daughter. My ex "dissapeared" 2 years ago, I filed for divorce, and he "showed  back up" right before it was finalized, so  the process had started all over again. He lives in a different state.

Ok, now truth-telling for ME: it seems that when there is a development in my divorce, or a holiday that my ex still hasn't lived up to my expectations about (yes, I'm working on letting that go too) that I start to cling to the man I am dating. Sometimes I don't realize it, sometimes I see it afterwards, but I feel bad about it. He sees me and accepts me for it, but I would love to have some RL members help me  through this behavior so I can stop the getting/protecting behaviors and just accept his  love unconditionally and I can love him more unconditionally as well.

Namaste,

Stacey
 

]]> Mon, 14 May 2012 19:53:42 +0000 http://www.reallove.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=1181&PID=5456#5456 Marriage : sad and confused http://www.reallove.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=1174&PID=5449#5449 Author: rlpkaren
Subject: sad and confused
Posted: 10 May 2012 at 7:21am

You do sound pretty confused and why wouldn't you.  You and your wife aren't much different than half the population, since more than 50% of all marriages end in divorce.  That's because both of you thought you'd found the one who would make you happy. As long as each did what the other wanted, you each bought and paid for some fleeting moments of "happiness".  Greg Baer, the author of the Real Love series of books, explains it pretty clearly.  This whole website is devoted to the principles outlined in the books.

The question isn't what kind of marriage you and your wife have compared with "some older couples".  It's really more about what are You willing to do to have it be different than it is.  It really does start with you.  We are all governed by our judgments and choices.  You are at a choice point.  To continue to do what you've been doing or do something different.
 
Lorna's has made some good suggestions. Others are for you to read the posts under yours in the Marriage section of this Forum.  Read the website, watch the Essentials of Real Love Module 1 for free. 
 
The decision is yours.  I care about your happiness and hope you will begin taking the necessary steps to change your life.
 
Blessings and love are sent to you this morning.
 
KarenH
Certified Real Love Coach
]]> Thu, 10 May 2012 07:21:52 +0000 http://www.reallove.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=1174&PID=5449#5449 Marriage : sad and confused http://www.reallove.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=1174&PID=5448#5448 Author: Lorna
Subject: sad and confused
Posted: 10 May 2012 at 2:23am

Hello smithn1k

You are in the right place! 

It sounds like it's been a really tough time for you. It looks like you've been doing the best you can with what you've been given and taught all your life, but the truth is, if you're in this position, it's likely you haven't received much Real Love all your life. The great thing is you are here now and that can change!

I would recommend reading Real Love in Marriage and working through the 40 days book with your wife, or alone if needs be - one doing this is tonnes better than neither! Perhaps, you might consider getting a coach or going on some of the daily Real Love conference calls, all of which are led by a Certified Real Love Coach (the call schedule and numbers are on the website).

More than anything right now, you are not alone. Well done for taking this first step, which is more than most people ever manage.

With love,

Lorna :)
]]> Thu, 10 May 2012 02:23:24 +0000 http://www.reallove.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=1174&PID=5448#5448 Miscellaneous : Hello to the board.!! http://www.reallove.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=1173&PID=5447#5447 Author: Lorna
Subject: Hello to the board.!!
Posted: 10 May 2012 at 2:17am

Hello Rick,

Welcome to the community! :) 

Have you read any of the Real Love books? If so, which?

Lovely to meet you,

Lorna :)
]]> Thu, 10 May 2012 02:17:48 +0000 http://www.reallove.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=1173&PID=5447#5447 Marriage : sad and confused http://www.reallove.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=1174&PID=5445#5445 Author: smithn1k
Subject: sad and confused
Posted: 09 May 2012 at 1:59am

I just found real love website and im having a very very tough night tonight. My marriage to my wife has been quite the rollercoaster, and as of right now we are separated and talking about divorce. This is my first marriage, and the word love has been talked about and thrown around so much with us that it just doesnt feel like it has any quality or seriousness to it anymore. I want her to be the happiest woman in the world, and I want to be the man to do that for her, but it seems no matter how sweet we are on eachother or how much we put eachother first before the other one, we are still in this what you call funk and cant get out of it for some reason. I love her dearly and will do anything to make anything better for her, even consulting a website to get others opinions. Im very confused. I never dreamed about my wedding as im a guy but, I never thought I would be in this type of situation. I have this feeling of guilt when I love somebody so much but think about the word divorce. I feel low and at fault just for thinking about it. We have had some trials and rough patches and we still love eachother, it just gets dishearting when i see older married couples that seem to have no problems and that is what is percieved as real love. Just wondering what kind I have, and would appreciate any responses.]]> Wed, 09 May 2012 01:59:37 +0000 http://www.reallove.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=1174&PID=5445#5445