Since you're not married to your boyfriend, you have to decide whether you want to stay in a relationship that has already proven to be unloving. You can't force the relationship to succeed.  Just observe whether it could become what you want (loving), and if not, let it go. Greg says that developing a healthy relationship is difficult enough--why work on one that is seriously flawed when you could start over with better tools and a partner more willing and able to participate in a relationship based on Real Love?  You don't have to learn Real Love alone.  There is a whole community of people out there willing to love you and help you learn.

 

Many blessings.

KarenH

Certified Real Love Coach

KarenH

I did look around the website. The truth-seen-accepted-love concept is not new to me, but I admit it's scary to practice that in real life.  I do have troubles communicating my feelings to people, maybe that's my problem, I don't know. I guess I am looking for some practical 1-2-3 method to get over my pain and need for that one particular person. It's not even "imitation" love, since I get nothing in return but pain from it, and we never even had real relationship. So I don't know if this website will help me or not, I will try. I just don't want it to turn into "marriage counseling".... 

I am so desperate, I think I will apply the truth-seen-accepted-love concept today and tell that person how he makes me feel - terrific and horrible at the same time. I can't wait any longer, and it's not gonna make it worse than it is. 

Inna

 

There's nothing Wrong with you.  You can no more love yourself then you can fly to the moon.  It's a LIE that people can love themselves, especially if they've never been consistently loved in their lives.  You can't give what you don't have--to yourself or anyone else. You don't have to be alone anymore.  You really don't.  I'm so glad you're here and that you have the opportunity to find what's been missing your entire life.

 

Please take some time to start reading all of the resources available on the website.  Watch Module One of the Essentials of Real Love to get a sense of what this website is about. There is hope and love available to you and a whole different path that leads to happiness that's real and true.  There are conference calls with coaches facilitating where you can meet others who will listen to you and love you. 

 

Blessings and love to you,

KarenH

Certified Real Love Coach

Hope to get lots of help here. Here is goes. I am 45 year-old married woman, with an adult son. In the last ~ 9 months, I've been in constant pain over a love affection to a younger man, who showed some affection (oh, those happy days), but then it just stopped. I see him 2-3 times a week because of the hobby we share, and what a torture it has been. I probably imagined lots of things that were not true, at  lest that what my therapist tells me. ... is it true love? I doubt. Can I get him out of my mind? No. Today was a tough day as I saw him with another woman attending an event. I am so hurt now. I don't know if this is a right forum to post, but I am desperate before I kill myself. I know, I read many blogs and books on how I am supposed to love MYSELF before I find a true unconditional love. I know that. I know that what I have for that man is not real. I know I had my chances with him, but I chose to be a "good girl", so here I am now, not in love with anyone (except my son, whom I love forever), but it's different. The funny thing is that another man admitted his love for me just at the start of my agony, so here I am again with 3 men in my life: 1) one I adore and with whom I can't connect on any level, and I am partialy blaming myself because that feeling was/is so strong, it scared me. 2) one who loves me (I believe it's true), and is my best friend, but that's it. I like hanging out with him, but I can't imagine falling in love with him; 3) and  my husband, who replied today to my statement that I am about to kill myself with a sentence: "just keep it to yourself before I kill you first". How did that happen? Why am I so miserable? how did I forget how to love? I know I am loved by many people, but why isn't that enough for me? why do I need THAT particular person who doesn't care about me? What's wrong with me? how do I start loving myself? please.... I know the theory.... I've read a lot... but I still hate myself for falling in love with someone I can't have. but then I start thinking that maybe I imagined that I can't have him, and that makes me feel even worse. I am a wreck. where is the gun.... 

 

The more I change, the more my boyfriend shows his getting and protecting behaviors.  I realize that is the only love he knows, but it is getting difficult to stick with him through this.  He believes that there should be no discussion regarding our relationship and he just disappears with no communication for weeks at a time.  He returns as if nothing has happened.

 

I realize he has been treated this way in his life, but when do I get to the point where I put my foot down and stop feeling like a doormat?  A part of me wants him to know that I still love him even through all of this.  Feeling new at this, I don't know what the best action is.  Do I still tell him I love him or just wait until he finishes with his running away?  Do I continue to accept him back as if nothing happened?  How do I tell him lovingly that you don't treat people like this?

 

I need help.

 

tbaby1