Real Love Forums : Lonely in the afternoon

Lonely in the afternoon : Awhile back one of Gregâ€™s blog...

Wed, 21 Dec 2011 22:31:12 +0000

Author: rlpkaren
Subject: 1042
Posted: 21 Dec 2011 at 10:31pm

***Worthlessness isn’t what you’re feeling when you’re grabbing these things. Can you see that? That comes later. In the moment it's more about power or praise.

A recent example: I’ve been emailing with a woman who has a different viewpoint on love; she thinks you can get love from yourself, and I gave her the RL viewpoint on this, and she countered with some valid points, and I wrote a rather long response to them, and even though I’d stand by what I said, I noticed that it didn’t feel loving because of my desire to be right and persuade her.

***Yeah, I’ve done that. Classic Field of Death behavior. It's a form of manipulation.

And I also noticed an impulse to impress her—in other words, prove my worth—which again triggered that sense of worthlessness. I talked about this at my RL group and got seen and loved around it, so I’m glad this stuff came up.

***Got it. Trying to get praise from someone can be an endless task, because even if you get some, it doesn’t last long. And, because it wasn’t freely given, it’s worthless anyway.

Another thing that seems to trigger that sense of worthlessness is thinking about what I “should” be doing—career-wise or with my life in general—because it’s connected with the need to prove my worth and put my abilities to “better” use. I’ve been able to just not think about it and enjoy the present, but sometimes doing so feels irresponsible because I don’t see how I can get any long-term planning done if I just stay in the present.

***If you are dissatisfied with your life situation, you can take steps to do something else. Live with it and like it, live with it and hate it, or leave. Being at odds with “what is” causes unhappiness. That’s a fact! There is nothing wrong with making plans for the future and that has nothing to do with staying in the present. Think of it this way. It's helpful to know where you are going or at least the general direction you are going before you make a journey. AND the only thing that is real is the step you are taking in this moment. If you choose to do something and it's a mistake, learn from it.

Love & hugs,

KarenH

Lonely in the afternoon : Hi Tom, Happy to SEE, accept...

Tue, 20 Dec 2011 17:33:17 +0000

Author: RoknRob121
Subject: 1042
Posted: 20 Dec 2011 at 5:33pm

Hi Tom,

Happy to SEE, accept & Love you 2day.

You seem to be more relaxed & comfortable telling the TRUTH about yourself.

That must feel great.

I have been here myself. I put all my efforts into becoming a Coach and that was one Solution.

Next, I made myself get proactive, to be SEEN, accepted & loved.

As I continued to "live by faith" doors opened for me.

I stayed active and didn't sit back and wait for an opportunity to present itself.

I believe as you feel more loved, you'll know instinctively what your next step will be.

I came out of poverty myself and am living my BEST Life now.

I trust Real Love will give you the confidence to do the same.

One truth I don't mind sharing with you is this:

Last year around this time of year, I was in a homeless shelter.

I was able to get a job and a move-in Nanny position

TRUST that what you are doing is leading you out of the 'worthlessness'

"Everything works together for the good"

I’ve been able to just not think about it and enjoy the present, but sometimes doing so feels irresponsible because I don’t see how I can get any long-term planning done if I just stay in the present.

It's gonna take some time to accept all the changes that will come as you experience these realizations about what it is that you do to contribute to your unhappiness.

Irresponsible would be to do absolutely nothing. You are doing the necessary learning & growing, here. You're telling the TRUTH about yourself. Can't call it 'doing nothing' at all.

Take your time thru it and let go of the "expectation" that you hafta do anything perfectly.

That helped me greatly to "let go" of the unrealistic expectations that I put on myself & others.

Caring about your Happiness,

~ Robin ~

Edited by RoknRob121 - 21 Dec 2011 at 5:13pm

Lonely in the afternoon : Normal 0 ...

Sat, 17 Dec 2011 21:27:13 +0000

Author: Tom
Subject: 1042
Posted: 17 Dec 2011 at 9:27pm

Thanks, Robin.

That’s a good point re. telling myself the lie that I was ahealthy partner; I hadn’t really seen that. Whether she’s coming back or nothasn’t been bothering me anymore :)

I still get angry sometimes, but not as much as I used to.It feels more reflexive, and I can usually snap out of it pretty easily when Isee what I’m doing.

Awhile back one ofGreg’s blog entries talked about how we get a sense of worthlessness hardwiredinto us as we learn that we can never earn enough conditional love to make ushappy, and how some of our behaviors (being right, getting angry, and defendingour decisions) trigger that feeling of worthlessness. I do all three of thesethings. A recent example: I’ve been emailing with a woman who has a differentviewpoint on love; she thinks you can get love from yourself, and I gave herthe RL viewpoint on this, and she countered with some valid points, and I wrotea rather long response to them, and even though I’d stand by what I said, I noticedthat it didn’t feel loving because of my desire to be right and persuadeher. And I also noticed an impulse toimpress her—in other words, prove my worth—which again triggered that sense ofworthlessness. I talked about this at my RL group and got seen and loved aroundit, so I’m glad this stuff came up.

Another thing that seems to trigger that sense ofworthlessness is thinking about what I “should” be doing—career-wise or with mylife in general—because it’s connected with the need to prove my worth and putmy abilities to “better” use. I’ve been able to just not think about it andenjoy the present, but sometimes doing so feels irresponsible because I don’tsee how I can get any long-term planning done if I just stay in the present.

If you or anyone else reading this has any feedback on this,I’d sure appreciate it.

Tom

Lonely in the afternoon : Hi Tom, It's good that you're...

Wed, 30 Nov 2011 17:37:37 +0000

Author: RoknRob121
Subject: 1042
Posted: 30 Nov 2011 at 5:37pm

Hi Tom,

It's good that you're still willing to practice the necessary truth-telling

involved so that you can "feel" loved & accepted.

I welcome the opportunity.

recently I've gotten emptied from tiredness and other physical things--and it's spooky how much that can affect my mood and the things I think about

I hear ya. This is the condition that sets us up to use G&P behaviors.

You SEE your emptiness clearly and now you know what happens to fill that emptiness. Clinging. It's ok to say, I am clinging to an unhealthy ideal. I am also being selfish, because her happiness is NOT what I am thinking of right now. The lie I am choosing to believe is that in my empty & fearful condition, I am a healthy partner. Truth like that, allows the emptiness

to fill up with the Real Love you need most. Gifting that to you, right now

--and I went back to thinking too much about my ex gf, who I think is going to be moving back to town and going back to work where I work in a couple months.

Believing that must be causing you much anxiety. Another form of fear. I SEE you clearly and knowing this about you doesn't make me want to withdraw my Love & acceptance of you, at all.

When I'm feeling good and relatively full, I have no problem with this,

I believe you. It's a more worthwhile condition "to maintain" than the emptiness & fear that drives most people.

but when I'm not, I start having thoughts of ripping her a new one re. her faults and what she did to me / should have done for me.

Classic victim behavior. Still love ya even though you tend to cause the unhappiness you are experiencing.

And I realize this is pointless;

Halleluyah!

I know she is empty and afraid,

and sometimes, you can be, too. She's still lovable & acceptable and so are you.

and I know (if only intellectually sometimes) that my anger is selfish and only due to emptiness.

Yes, and you're still dearly loved by so many here on the Forum. Let that information seep into your heart, for a minute or two. Always refer back to the meditation on the FREE On-line Seminar when "feeling" loved becomes a distant memory.

And there have been so many times throughout my life when I've gotten angry but kept it bottled up.

I know the feeling very well...like a corked volcano. I call that my level 10-on a scale from 1 to anywhere in between, up to 10 < a corked volcano> Would it help you to know that most people, including me, operates at a level 8 all the time?

It's only when I do what you 're doing now, that allows me to deflate to a level one again. I see that you are making progress here and that's worth celebrating

Sometimes I think I'd be better off if I had a way to vent it, though I know that venting gives you a temporary feeling of power, and it can become just another unhealthy IL addiction.

You can always vent in healthy ways, too. Some do kick-boxing, some yell in pillows, some hit a punching bag, some, like me, go to therapy. Main thing is you tell the TRUTH about your part and feel the genuine love & acceptance of people who don't want or need anything from you for themselves in return. You got here in this RL Community.

I guess the answer is just to do more to keep myself full.
Excellent solution. Preventing the emptiness from occuring in the first place is easier than experiencing the disastrous results of laziness & irresponsibility.

I have faith and I believe you will be able to tell the difference between pyrite and GOLD.

It's as clear as the difference between Imitation & Real Love.

Sincerely caring about your Happiness, ~ Robin ~

Lonely in the afternoon : Thanks again, Robin.As per your...

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 20:33:33 +0000

Author: Tom
Subject: 1042
Posted: 29 Nov 2011 at 8:33pm

Thanks again, Robin.

As per your first response, I do need to do more truth-telling and practicing of RL with people who aren't in the "community." The little bit I've done so far has certainly felt better than doing what I've always done.

Some more truth: recently I've gotten emptied from tiredness and other physical things--and it's spooky how much that can affect my mood and the things I think about--and I went back to thinking too much about my ex gf, who I think is going to be moving back to town and going back to work where I work in a couple months. When I'm feeling good and relatively full, I have no problem with this, but when I'm not, I start having thoughts of ripping her a new one re. her faults and what she did to me / should have done for me. And I realize this is pointless; I know she is empty and afraid, and I know (if only intellectually sometimes) that my anger is selfish and only due to emptiness. And there have been so many times throughout my life when I've gotten angry but kept it bottled up. Sometimes I think I'd be better off if I had a way to vent it, though I know that venting gives you a temporary feeling of power, and it can become just another unhealthy IL addiction. I guess the answer is just to do more to keep myself full.

Tom

Lonely in the afternoon : Welcome back, Tom I had to...

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 17:26:02 +0000

Author: RoknRob121
Subject: 1042
Posted: 15 Nov 2011 at 5:26pm

Welcome back, Tom

I had to laugh about the signature Line.

We can process in this Forum, ok?

It's not anybody's fault that I had to let my cell service go.

It's my responsibility to get it back up, k?

I can't tell you how many times I have been reminded that

someoen in the group is not able to hear my Loving Solutions.

That is not your fault at all.

No matter how much Love we pour out into another's heart,

there will be those who are so blinded by their own victimhood

that they just can't possibly "feel" any love at all.

I used to be one of them myself.

We're not here to "fix" anyone.

Just to Love & Teach, Love & accept.

The rest lies in the individual themself.

They have to want to do the necessay TRUTH-telling

in order to "feel" the Love & acceptance we offer them.

I hope that helps you stay peaceful, loving & happy.

Loving you without wanting or needing anything from you,

~ Robin ~

Edited by RoknRob121 - 21 Dec 2011 at 5:08pm

Lonely in the afternoon : Thanks Robin!Although, since...

Fri, 11 Nov 2011 13:01:28 +0000

Author: Tom
Subject: 1042
Posted: 11 Nov 2011 at 1:01pm

Thanks Robin!

Although, since I'm "ready to experience it all" but can't call you, your sig line is a bit of a tease ;)

I'm doing much better since my OP though I still have a long way to go. I really know now that I AM on the way to more Peace, Love & Happiness. I've felt the warmth in my heart too, and the peace that tells me "this is it!" It doesn't take very much to disturb that peace, but I at least I don't get discouraged as easily.

I have some good contacts but can still use more, and sometimes I don't do too badly as a wise man myself, if anyone else out there could use another contact. 720-383-3533.

Some more truth about me while I'm at it: a member of my RL group, who spends most of his free time alone, made a few snide remarks about Greg and RL, and got defensive over my suggestion that a new member who left the group after 2 meetings and spends most of his time alone is "running." I tried to handle these things without making him wrong, but I appeased his defensiveness and got defensive and discouraged myself (I don't think I communicated this but maybe it's impossible not to), and was too occupied with handling this "correctly" to really SEE him. I do have a tendency to worry too much about doing the "right" thing. I know that if I were more full I could have handled this more lovingly and I've made a couple calls about it, but I'm still thinking about it a lot and it's doing me no good. And sometimes I feel victimy that no one I know locally sees me clearly enough to call me out on my bullsh*t.

Tom

Edited by Tom - 11 Nov 2011 at 1:02pm

Lonely in the afternoon : Hi Tom, Gratefulfor the opportunityto...

Mon, 19 Sep 2011 17:48:38 +0000

Author: RoknRob121
Subject: 1042
Posted: 19 Sep 2011 at 5:48pm

Hi Tom,

Grateful for the opportunity to Love & accept you in this moment.

Just by posting in this Forum, you've found a solution to your dilemna.

This is how we keep in touch between Conf calls & Real Love calls.

You've just made another contribution to your happiness quotient.

I hope you can "feel" the LOVE being conveyed in this kind of interaction

I would be available to you IF I had cell service.

Nowadays, all I have is limited access to internet.

What I do in-between calls is tell the TRUTH to the

people who are in my life-in REAL time.

It's what the Wart King did, after experiencing being SEEN, accepted & Loved

by the Wise Man. I know the fear atteched to making Real Love calls, I've experienced

the hopelessness of not making contact with anyone on that list. It really forced me to

wake up early in the mornings to jump on the daily Conference calls.

Then, one day I just did it. I started telling people how selfish my anger was,

I started saying how wrong I was and letting them know by being a better listener

that their happiness mattered to me.

Something incredible happened to me, on the inside.

I felt a warmth in my heart that connected me to these individuals.

I really developed a sudden concern for their happiness and I wanted

to be more invovled with them.

SEEing the healing that comes from Loving them without conditions

inspired me to continue telling the truth about myself with them.

I hope that as you continue to feel more comfortable in telling

the truth about your uses of getting & protecting behaviors, that

you will SEE the many opprotunities available to you, as you extend this kind of Love & acceptance toward others.

I SEE you clearly in all your fears & irresponsibility.

It doesn't prevent me from gifting you with Love right now.

Your emptiness doesn't prevent me from wanting to gift you with acceptance, neither.

I believe you are already on your way to more Peace, Love & happiness.

{{{{ Tom }}}} You are absolutely lovable & acceptable in this moment.

~ Keep on truth-telling ~

Robin

Edited by RoknRob121 - 19 Sep 2011 at 5:54pm

Lonely in the afternoon : Hi all,I work evenings mostly,...

Fri, 16 Sep 2011 17:11:14 +0000

Author: Tom
Subject: 1042
Posted: 16 Sep 2011 at 5:11pm

Hi all,

I work evenings mostly, so most of the time I have to make RL calls is in the afternoon, when most people are at work. I have the Master List but am having trouble finding anyone to talk to. I just tried 12 people with no luck getting through. Admittedly, I haven't been trying nearly enough. I still do some running, and am quick to get discouraged and feel like a victim when I don't reach anyone. I still have a long way to go before I exhaust the entire list, but if anyone reading this has time in the late morning or afternoon, my number is 720-383-3533, or you could give me yours. Any advice would be appreciated as well.

Some truth to share now: I'm only working about 30 hours a week and have too much time on my hands. I seem to empty out too easily just because of that. I need to get an actual career, and tend to worry about that even though it does me no good. I know I need to get full so that I can see more clearly what I should do. But in the meantime I often feel like I'm in limbo. Then I seem to treat RL as something I need to "do" in order to figure that out, which is backwards, I guess. I feel irresponsible about the situation but don't know what else to do.